Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Wednesday's Woman: Light in a Dark Place


Depression, Women, the Holidays and Hope.





Thanksgiving, the official start to the holiday season, is upon us. 

Are you feeling happy, grateful, and excited, anticipating the wonderful food and laughter shared with family?  Or are you feeling stressed, anxious, and tired?  Possibly, and most likely, you are experiencing a mix of emotions. 

For those suffering from depression, the anxiety that accompanies the holidays can be unbearable.  It can be frightening:  the expectations, the money, the time…

….did I mention the expectations?

Contrary to popular belief, occurrences of depression do not increase during the holidays.  However, what is found to be true is that women are more likely to suffer from depression than men.

From the National Institute of Mental Health:
  • One in four women will experience severe depression at some point in life.
  • Depression affects twice as many women as men, regardless of racial and ethnic background or   income.
  • Depression is the number one cause of disability in women.

Wednesday’s Woman is a space to honor women who are doing great things, on a grand, global scale, or on a smaller, but not less significant scale, in the home.  For many women, their greatest feat is getting out of bed.

Today, for Wednesday’s Woman, I am honoring all women who are suffering and/or surviving with depression.  To help me do so, I am grateful to welcome Kristen from the Preppy Girl in Pink:

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Hi, I'm Kristen from The Preppy Girl in Pink. I am a wife, a mom to two girls and work from home part time. I am not always strong but I am rarely weak. My daughters constantly remind me how good life can truly be. 


Light in a Dark Place

It was hard to get out of bed today. The curtains were drawn to keep the street lights out at night but weren't allowing the natural light of the day in either. I hit snooze on the alarm clock again and again. 

I stretched my arms, my legs and my back. I rolled over and faced the curtains. I had to force myself out of the bed and to them.

I pulled the panels apart and there wasn't much change in the light in the room.

It was another grey, cold, damp day. The days that make it hard to get out of bed. 

Could I lie and say it is because of weather like this that I want to sink back into bed and enjoy the coziness of my bed? Yes, I could.

But I won't.

It is the darkness outside my window that awakens the darkness in the soul. 

All of the heartache.

All of the doubt.

All of the guilt.

All of the pressure.

I know I should move one foot at a time in the direction of both of my two daughters' bedrooms. They need to get up and ready for school. 

I can't though.

My feet move me back to my bed. 

I tuck myself back in and feel alone as I lay in the fetal position.

I think to myself, 'Maybe I can just let the day go on around me. Maybe...'

But then I hear a giggle.

And then another.

I glance up and see the light from my 8 year old daughter's bedroom pouring into the hallway. That can only mean one thing, she is reading before the morning routine gets started. Her favorite way to start the day is with a book in her hands. 

She calls out to me, "Mom, do you remember when Ron did this? He cracks me up!" and then reads a few lines from one of the Harry Potter novels that she is currently devouring. 

She belly laughs this time.

And that is when I can feel the sunshine even when I can't see it.

That is when I turn off the alarm clock instead of hitting snooze again. 

That is when I tell myself that I have two daughters that need me. They need all of me. Not just the person going through the actions of the day.

They need my heart. They need my soul. They need to see that I can keep the darkness out with the light they shine upon me.

And I need to allow their light in so that I can let my light shine too. 

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Resources for coping with depression during the holidays:

Please know I am grateful for you. . . Happy Thanksgiving!

photo credit: PHOTO/arts Magazine via photopin cc

27 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for having me. Life is always good but some days it can be a struggle. Thankfully my dark days are just scattered here and there and my family and friends are great reminders that I always have help when I need it. And more importantly...lots of love.

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  2. Depression can swallow you up, but it can be overcome as you've shown. There is so much help out there. :) (And thank goodness for anti-depressants. Whew.

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    1. Liz, Thanks for stopping over. I had to sit on the replies for this post for a few days. I've never shared so much of myself before and it was pretty overwhelming for me. I'm so fortunate to have the light I have in my life and the need to be out of the darkness for not only my family but myself too. I have to work on it some days more than others but I will never just give in. XO

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  3. Love your courage for sharing this, Kristen. We have so much to live for, thank goodness for the light in our lives! Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

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    1. I felt like I was going to get sick after sending this to Kim. I've never let this much of who I am out on the www before. I'm so thankful for the support.

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  4. Thank you Kristen for sharing this. In many ways, this mirrors a lot of the struggles I often face. The pull to stay in bed, curl up and left life go on around me and how the giggles coming from the room next door manage to shed a bit of brightness. The light of those kids and your beautiful girls is truly amazing.

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    1. I think a lot of times it is because I put too much pressure on myself to do everything so well and give too much of myself that when someone lets me down or won't budge to help out that I spiral down quickly. I keep working for a balance but I'm the one that keeps tipping the scales. Maybe I should start working on my resolutions for the new year now and hold myself accountable on my blog.

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  5. I love your line about they need all of you - your heart - your soul - and that no matter how you are feeling, you refuse to just "go through the motions." Love to you my friend - what a beautiful mother you are- in side and out!

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    1. Thanks, Ilene. I really don't want to go through the motions. I want my girls to see that if they need help to ask for it or to go to someone they love and shine in their light for a while until theirs comes back. xo

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  6. I love this - so thankful for the unexpected rays of sunshine the people around us can lift us up with, even if they don't know it! A few kind words, your daughters laughter, sometimes it's the little things that can help turn the day around.

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    1. It truly is the little things. Even just a gentle touch on someone's shoulder or and to let them know that there is support can make a world of difference.

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  7. Such a great post and so emotional. Love this line, " And I need to allow their light in so that I can let my light shine too. "

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    1. It was so easy to put into words but so hard to share it with the world. Thankfully I have great friends like you!

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  8. Thank you for sharing this honest post. I have been there..where I just wanted to pull the blankets over my head and stay in darkness and sleep and sleep. It comes in waves doesn't it? Glad you are surrounded by supportive family and friends.

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    1. Yes! Big, giant waves that crash down on you so hard that you barely have time to come up for air before the next wave hits. I'm sorry you have had days like this too. I wish I had a magic wand and could make these days go away for all of us!

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  9. Unfortunately, Kristen, this happens all too often for me. The waves are cresting and continuous. I must admit that yes, their light within does make me actually get out of bed, but there are days when it's hard to not let the darkness seep back in once the kids have left the house. It is hard to not let the dark and the cold and the gloom and sadness envelop me. I have, unfortunately, gotten back into the bed and stayed for the better part of the day at times. Magically, when they're back I do tend to perk up. I'm trying my best to keep the fact that they need all of me foremost in my mind. At the same time, I need all of me too and the bed can't win.

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    1. My friend put it best when she said it is like waking up in the movie Groundhog Day. We get up and do the same thing and sometimes that is what makes just go through the motions. We are trying to survive but our brains are telling our hearts we need more. It is a battle so many of us face. It makes me sad to know so many of my friends go through this too.

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  10. Children truly give us energy and joy and propel us forward because they are counting on us, they look to us to set the bar for how they should behave and when you have that responsibility you force yourself to be better, do more, and somehow dig deep to show them a great example.

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    1. You are so right, Marie. I'm so very blessed to have my girls. They have pulled me out of some very dark days and don't even know they're doing it. They just live and love with all of their being and I want to do the same.

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  11. It's so hard once winter hits to have the momentum to get up and go. But kids keep you going even when you think you can't there love and laughter makes the days better. I love that your daughter starts her day with a book in hand.

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    1. My girls are definitely a restart button for my soul. Those smiles, laughs and hugs are the cure all for me.

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  12. Oh Kristen, what a gorgeous and honest post. xo

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    1. Thanks, Shell. I hope my girls will read it someday and see the strength they give me without even knowing they are. xo

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  13. There is so much light in our children, isn't there? I can almost hear and see your daughter trying to read as the book shakes with her giggles and her eyes tear up from her laughter. What a sweet, sweet image! Thanks for sharing-I imagine there are many moms who will draw much courage from you today!

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  14. Kristen, thanks for sharing. And brave and honest and wonderful. I am right there with you with some of those dark days, but family makes working through it so worth it.

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  15. Kristen,
    I am grateful for you sharing this part of yourself. So many of us suffer and we are better knowing we are not alone. Kudos to your bravery and much love to you.

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