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Thursday, May 17, 2012

Looks Like It, Smells Like It, Must Be Parent Orientation


In the fall, my younger daughter will be attending the local middle school--the same school my older daughter has attended for the past two years.  Last night, even though I know a bit about what goes on during the 7th and 8th grade years, I attended the parent information meeting for incoming middle school students.  

Having insight due to experience is not always great.  It can lead to being able to smell bull-shit from more than a mile away.

Below I've listed a few points that I hope the administration will consider before holding their next parent orientation meeting. If action is taken for the better, it is possible that I may acquire some enthusiasm for witnessing my second daughter enter that most tumultuous right-of-passage we like to call middle school.


1) Late Arrivals to the Meeting:

When a parent shows up more than 15 minutes late, sits down before realizing she doesn't have the handouts, gets up to retrieve the hand-outs and disrupts the meeting for the third time as she returns to her seat, please stop talking.  I can’t hear you and I am very distracted by her need to wear short shorts to a parent meeting.

2) Academic Program Information:

If an academic program is significant enough to include in the informational meeting, please do not use acronyms to describe its various aspects.  Some of us are not familiar with what the acronyms stand for.

3) Handheld Devices:

When telling us about your student handheld device policy, which includes how you will confiscate them if they become distracting, please make sure the parents around me have stopped texting on their iPhones and actually hear you.

4) Teacher Web Pages:

Please check with teachers before telling us that their Web pages will be full of informative tidbits concerning what is going on in the classroom.  A majority of the faculty fails to post content, and if they do, they fail to update content past the first week of school.

5) Appeal for PTO Volunteers:

Inform the president of the PTO that saying, “You'll want to know which kids invite your child to their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs," is not going to compel me to volunteer in the school.

6) School Trip Funding:

Please do not tell us that in lieu of hiring an educational student tour company, the assistant-principle organized the entire Washington D.C. trip himself in order to save money.  Our property taxes are extraordinarily high and I purchased enough cookie dough and wrapping paper from the PTO fundraisers to hire a tour company myself. 

7) Athletics:

When telling us to check the athletic department’s website for information on sports, be sure to first try navigating the site yourself.  It’s confusing.

8) Facebook:

Telling us that our children’s behavior on Facebook is "worse than what we think" does not scare uninvolved parents into looking at their kid’s Facebook pages.  It just doesn't.  Those parents probably aren't at the meeting.

Saying, “Facebook only becomes my problem if it keeps a student from coming to school due to embarrassment," and "What kids do during non-school hours is not my problem,” is terribly misguided.  The kids are on Facebook while they are in the school building, during school hours.  They post updates all day long.  And if you take a look at the way students are socializing during lunch after they've eaten, they are not talking and playing ball.  They are nose-down into their handhelds updating Facebook.  It IS your problem.   It’s OUR problem.  Consider us working together on creating a social media strategy that works both at home and at school.

9) Dress Code:

“I know there are really cute outfits out there available for girls.  But if someone shows up wearing something they’d wear out on a Friday night, you’ll hear from me.”
As far as policy goes, this is subjective, relative and vague.  What do you think a 13 year old wears out on a Friday night?  And where are they wearing it?  At a sleep-over?  Our ideas about Friday night attire for the middle school girl are apparently different.

“How students dress for school is a decision to be made between students and their parents.”  
This is nice in theory, however, have you looked at your students' Facebook pictures?  They wear that stuff to school! Are you actually in the school?  I know you are, but you can't be because you'd then see that some parents and students have decided that booty shorts are appropriate academic wear.  I'm so confused.

Additionally, kids are in school for a majority of the day--more than they are at home.  Don't you think the adolescent brain could use some developmental support while away from the nagging voice of their parents?   Your lack of interest in maintaining standards for a school dress code indicates you lack interest in students'  growth outside the realm of academics.

Not only could my kid use your support, I could, too.  You're the professional and you probably came across the topic of adolescent development in your studies to become an educator.  Have you heard of parent education?  The most information you ever sent home regarding the emotional development of my child came as a reminder that she needed sleep and a healthy breakfast due to an upcoming achievement test.  I suppose the other days I should send her to bed at midnight and feed her Cracker Jacks in the morning?  Scoring high on the OAA only gets a person so far in life and only looks good for the school on paper, or as data.  How your students dress and act are more reflective of the school district than the score card published by the state's Department of Education.

Lastly, what if Susie Smith’s parents don’t care what she wears?  Are you to allow her to attempt navigating through clothing decisions on her own?  During adolescence?  When she's toying with her identity?  You think she'll outgrow the need to base her self-esteem on being sexually attractive?  Well, then.  You must not have seen the short shorts on the mom who arrived late to the parent orientation.  See point number one for further information.  


photo credit: Rinoninha via photo pin cc
photo credit: Enokson via photo pin cc

19 comments:

  1. Oh boy, I remember those meetings when my older son started middle school, not much has changed - haha! With that said, I'm not looking forward to this when my little one is older. I loved this line - "Consider us working together on creating a social media strategy that works both at home and at school." great point! It would be nice if the schools could work a little better with parents.

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    1. Hi Anna!
      My gut is telling me to take action beyond this post. Your comment is confirming, especially when you stated "I'm not looking forward to this when my little one is older" If I don't do something, I fail to make it different for younger students in the district. I mean, it's easy to complain, right? Where there are problems, there is always ways to learn and improve.

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  2. Amen Sista! On all but the dress code. We have uniforms. My daughter's class is the first of 6th graders to be moved to the middle school next year. What an adventure that's going to be. I haven't had my orientation meeting yet, but it's coming. We did take the tour, and she got most excited over the lunch vending machine. I do know the principal. Maybe I'll forward this.

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    1. Please keep in touch and let me know how it goes. I thought about sending the link to this post to school administration, but think I will compose a less "heated" email and focus on just the dress code. Thanks for commenting. I'm feeling so frustrated and overwhelmed--feedback helps! ;)

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  3. "It’s OUR problem." I wholeheartedly agree with that statement. There are too many sides, too many people not taking responsibility and we need to come together. Imagine what life could be like if that happened? Imagine what our kids' lives could be.
    Preach it!

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  4. We had a lady in a puffy jacket seated behind us taking notes on her iPad, which meant a lot of sliding her finger around apparently, so all we heard was the swish of her jacket arm hitting the jacket waist. THEN, THE parent whose daughter attempted to French kiss at the age of 5, always shows up late looking like fresh from a nap, fake boobs out to here, and leaves early. This is the child I'm watching.

    ~The G is Silent

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  5. "I suppose the other days I should send her to bed at midnight and feed her Cracker Jacks in the morning?" ... awesome ... I often feel that way about school "instructions" ... I also feel like these meetings are mostly CYA on the school's part .... they don't plan on enforcing half of what they say ...

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    1. It was so discouraging to hear about the various programs and policies knowing that a lot of what was said was simply not the way I understood it to be. I get my info from my daughter who is a student there, and although I believe her, I also am trying to remember that I probably am not hearing ALL of it. Nor am I hearing all of it from administration. I guess I could just go camp out in the school and see what actually transpires. But, I'm sure I'd flip out over the 2" inseam shorts and my daughter, who is already embarrassed to have to wear longer shorts, would be mortified. ;) Thanks for the tweets. It's important for us to share info and maintain conversations like these...getting the word out helps. :)

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    2. I just feel like the policies in my kids' school (they're all still in elementary) and even from when I was in high school are there to give an excuse for the school to do something about certain students ... but if a good student breaks dress code or has their cell phone nothing is said ... but if a student that is otherwise a pain in the ass and disruptive breaks policies then it gives them an excuse to discipline them ...

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  6. Definitely an OUR issue. And so much of what you mention is important. But I can tell you from the trenches, you get it from all sides. If the school does "too much" people complain and sometimes sue. If you do "too little" people complain and sometimes sue. I'm sure your school has a dress code of some sort. I mean, can the kids come in with mesh shirts? Or with shirts with curses or guns on them?

    Even with something like stopping the presentation when a parent is entering late or whatnot, I can guarantee you that someone would have blogged that it was rude to draw attention to that parent and embarrass them (intended or not) because all parents have a hard time coming to nighttime meetings. Or why should all parents have to wait on someone who is late? Or, just lock late people out! (I have heard all these complaints.)

    And where the social media issue is concerned, I confiscated phones and game players and iPods and beepers and radios and all sorts of things. And while some parents were happy that I taught their kids a lesson (I told my daughter to leave that in her locker!), many would start screaming in my face. No one deserve spittle in the eye, let alone when your kid was being an ass by talking on the phone or texting during a test.

    Sorry, apparently I have unresolved issues even after several years. :)

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    1. No need to be sorry. Happy to provide a forum for you to work out your issues and to help me understand all sides. I understand the need to be wary due to potential law suits and I understand teachers get caught in the middle. I actually think teachers have a very rough job, especially the ones who really care about their students' development. From what I've observed as a parent, seems like teachers could use more support from admin and some support people on staff. (Wouldn't it be great if every teacher had an assistant? Right. Higher taxes, here we come. ;))

      As far as the woman who entered late, I get it. It just really annoyed me, but I do not think they need to implement any policy. The fact that she showed up is stellar.

      Social media really needs to be addressed--it's overdue and we've fallen behind. But there needs to be support for teachers from administration in training and development. Also, there needs to be parent engagement and education that is in line with what's happening in the school. Merely stating that devices will be confiscated is like saying, if you doodle or drop your pencil and cause a distraction, your pencil will be taken away. We need to shift our thinking from technology being a novelty item to an everyday item, just like the pencil, and teach kids how to use it. Although, like books and notes, they should be put away for tests.

      The dress code is a hot button issue for me. There is a dress code and, no, kids do not show up in mess shirts. But the bottom part of their buttocks is visible. Shorts girls are wearing to school average at 2 and a quarter inch inseam. The dress code states "no short shorts" I think seeing the beginning of the derriere peaking out from under the frayed hem should qualify as "short shorts". No one says anything. And I don't blame teachers. If admin brushes it off as they did in the meeting, ans a concerned teacher makes issue of it with a student, trouble is sure to ensue. As I said, there really needs to be more teacher support.

      It's really important for young women to hear and see something other than what they see in the media/online. If we ignore it....*sigh* As I said, this one gets me. Here's a relatively decent article on it, not that you need it because I know you get this issue, it simply articulates what I cannot: http://www.nea.org/home/4201.htm#
      And then...outreach to parents...it's a tall order, I know.

      As a teacher, what do you think this parent can do that would be viewed as coming from a place concern, not bitchy criticism? I'm seriously asking. Thank yous so much for taking the time to comment, Kristin.

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    2. These days, social media stuff definitely needs to be addressed. Regarding the confiscation, in NYC, electronics are supposedly forbidden in school. A policy I enforced, but not everyone did - but I was a dean of security. There were many reasons, few of which parents understood, especially after 9/11. Kids on the other hand, cared more about using it for social means, not for emergencies. And frankly, if your favorite uncle has passed or if there is another emergency, are you really going to text your kid with the news? Or should a guidance counselor be called to collect her from the class so you can tell her privately? And that's something that a parent shouldn't need to be taught.

      My best suggestion for things like dress code and social media education for students and parents is to ask for change and workshops. An orientation is not the time to educate; it's the time to give a basic overview. Hopefully there was paperwork or school policies handed out. Again, in NYC it's all so regulated and uniform (other than in enforcement!), and it comes in twelve languages. I don't know how it works in smaller communities. But ask! Or join the PTA and work on it. (I do realize that's a lot to ask. Everyone has full plates to spin and balance.) A typical dress code rule is that shorts and skirts need to be as long as your fingertips reach. Personally, I find it's so gross to think about skirts short enough so that your groin is exposed to the subway or bus seat. EWWWW. No give second rule with the spilled Whoppers on that one.

      One big problem is that balancing parental and school responsibility for hundreds of families with different values, cultures, needs, requests, demands, and so on is TOUGH. That's not to say that it can't or shouldn't be worked on - but people have a hard time acknowledging the need for EVERYONE to compromise, not just the people we don't agree with.

      Bottom line: Everyone should just do what I decree. And I'm not kidding much at all.

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    3. I wish I could hire you to run our district! I appreciate that you expressed the fact that it is challenging to accommodate the needs of families who have varying characteristics and needs. It's a good reminder for me. I can get blinded by fury over an issue and forget to examine the possibility that others may not share my same concern. I will definitely contact administration and request the dress code be enforced and for some parent education regarding social media. I was on the fence about PTO, and you've pushed me to the 'do it' side. Grateful for your feedback.

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    4. Woohoo! I'm officially a pusher! I can't wait for the posts about the infuriating PTO meetings. Don't forget to watch this once or twice a week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ivUOnnstpg

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  7. oh man. i had issues with how my son's kindergarten cub-scout meeting was run. i am in for some junior-high trouble i see. yikes. yes. we all need to come together to change. not making it someone elses priority. these children belong to all of us. they are ours in making, and ours in society. let's guide them lovingly and show them that as adults, we are willing to stand firm in love.

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    1. Hi Tara,
      You make a significant point and one we--schools and parents--forget. Children belong to the collective 'us'. If we respect ourselves, others, and our surrounding community, coming together to support our children's growth is the natural order of things. Love this="stand firm in love"

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  8. Wow! I think I need to forward this on to my friend with kids still in elementary school. I just don't know how you all navigate the whole social media thing with kids. I'm still wondering why middle school kids have smart phones that they can be playing with during school hours. Obviously, I have no kids.
    Found you over at S30P.

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    1. H Jen. I think it's good to share information and find out what others experience. Information is empowering and can help us all to advocate for our kids (as parents and/or community members). Thanks for coming by from S30P!

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  9. Teachers are overworked, underpaid and overwhelmed. School administrations treat teachers, students and parents all the same. It is a crisis but a crisis that can be fixed. Household to neighborhood to city. Everyone that cares is frustrated. Be the first in your school district to address the issues you have. You are not alone. Take that first step and the others will follow.

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