Save It for Later: Voices of Healing

In my highly neglected series, Save It for Later, I summarized things I found and bookmarked throughout the week from around the Web, reading them later, and then sharing them with you.  Although it is not technically the end of the week, I resurrect the series on the day when we expect to be visited by ghosts, Halloween. 

Consider this installment of Save It for Later a transition of a series from ghost to reality, and enjoy.

Your Roots Fridays

Last week, I was thrilled to be featured at Erin Margolin’s space for her series Your Roots Fridays, where writers explore their beginnings.  I struggled with this post because, as I am sure some of you experience, it’s difficult to articulate where words come from and where the need to write originates.  Please check out my submission, Me Too, and then explore the rest of the great stories submitted by others in the Show Us Your Roots series.  

As I explored Erin Margolin’s space, I realized she is an active voice and co-founder of the Gay Dad Project.  This is a project that you must take note of and share with friends.  Not only does Erin share her story about the day her dad revealed to the family that he was gay, but you will also find the story told from the perspectives of her mom and her dad.  What struck me most about these stories is the power in more than one person in the family sharing their experiences. 

In my own experience of healing from my hurts that occurred within my family of origin, I have had to separate from family members completely.  Seeing that Erin’s mom and dad were willing to share their stories is profound, brave, and a giant step in the right direction to healing their family’s hurts.  Also, through their words, other families will find strength and courage to live in honesty and love. 

One of Erin’s partners in the Gay Dad Project will appear on the Ricki Lake Show this Friday. 


Spiritual Journey of Healing

Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker

Patricia Singleton is another very powerful voice of healing.  I visit her space, Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker, regularly for inspiration and have written about her before here.  As an incest survivor who is thriving, last week Patricia celebrated the courageous voice of Aaron Fisher, Jerry Sandusky’s Victim #1.  Be sure to read JerrySandusky's Victim #1 Is Hero #1 For All Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse.

Sperk* at One Year

Last week I celebrated one year at Sperk*.  When I started writing here, I had no idea what I was doing.  Presently, I still have that feeling.  Reflecting upon the past year caused me to question if what I am doing here is of any value.  After a bit of self-loathing, I came to the conclusion that Sperk* does have value. (Not only that, because of being a BlogHer '12 Voice of the Year Honoree, I am now published!)  Within these posts, I've grown, become stronger, and know that if I stay the course I will get to a place where I can not only survive, but also thrive.  I appreciate you being my witness on this journey.

Save It for Later: FAMU and Penn State

In Save It for Later you’re getting a brief run-down of each week's stand-outs from my Diigo "Read Later" list, Pulse News, Twitter, and Pinterest

FAMU Marching 100

Wednesday, Florida A and M University President, James Ammons, announced he is resigning after the hazing death of university drum major, Robert Champion, in November.  There is a lot to this story and I wasn’t aware of it until this morning when I watched E:60 on ESPN. 

Briefly, Robert Champion, a drum major in the FAMU marching band, was hazed to death by band mates on the band’s bus—Bus C, to be exact—a bus known for passengers being hazed if they chose to ride on it.  Seems the band director knew hazing was going on, but thought it had stopped.  However, in an interview shown on E:60, he claims he did not know it was going on, at all.

Also on Wednesday, the family of Robert Champion filed a wrongful death law suit against FAMU.  Of course the president is stepping down.  It’s not timely; it’s what is done once the law suits start coming in.  In my opinion, he should have been gone in November when the incident happened. 

The band was banned from performing this fall—a fitting consequence.  Thirteen band members were criminally charged in the ordeal (11 face felony hazing charges, two were charged with misdemeanors).  However, some, including the victim’s family, want the band to march again in the future.

I feel the days of FAMU’s Marching 100 should be over. Forever. Someone is dead.  Others before him were injured and the university knew about it.  Just days before Champion died, CNN reports, campus police recommended FAMU stop the band from marching or at the very least, suspend the upperclassmen.  

On Tuesday, HBO's Real Sports will air an interview with Rikki Wills, one of the defendants in the upcoming hazing trial.  Don't miss it.

Freeh Report

Much has been written about the Freeh report since its release on Thursday.  Much has been said as well.  ESPN should stop airing interviews with Jay Paterno, son of Penn State football coach Joe Paterno, and Matt Millen, a former Penn State football player.  I agree with the views on both of the aforementioned in the below links, the first from Ta-Nehisi Coates of The Atlantic, the second from Rob Raissman of the New York Daily Times.  Click them. Read them.  Stop being afraid to read and talk about the child sexual abuse scandal at Penn State.

The Other Joe Paterno

Matt Millen’s biased defense of Joe Paterno

 on ESPN indefensible

Another post about the Penn State scandal, specifically about the role of iconic, former football coach Joe Paterno, came from Ashley over at The Dose of Reality.  She was gentle yet strong in her voice and I enjoyed reading it.   Not because I love the topic---I hate it and it sickens me.  But because she provides for us an example of what we should be doing—talking about it. Make sure you read Silence is Not an Option, including the comments. There is important conversation happening.  Don't be afraid to join the conversation by leaving your own comment.  Then, if you are a blogger, go to your own space and blog about it.

And if you are part of the NCAA, please consider giving Penn State’s football program the death penalty.  Do all who come after the Sandusky child sexual abuse scandal at Penn State deserve to suffer by not having football?  No. Players can play football someplace else.  If Ohio State got in trouble for some players selling belongings in exchange for tattoos, if FAMU’s Marching 100 is no longer marching because they killed a person…umm…you see where this is going.  It is a rule of society that the actions, or wrong-doing of one has impact on all--even the privileged.  We will fail to learn this rule unless big powerful institutions feel the consequences, until we feel the consequences.  The only fitting consequence for Penn State is NO MORE FOOTBALL. 

My favorite sportscaster, Dan Patrick, was on vacation last week.  I am looking forward to his return tomorrow morning to The Dan Patrick Show to hear his commentary on the Freeh report.  I am hoping to hear something like what he said last November when the scandal at Penn State broke:

“Joe Paterno has lost the right

to be the head coach of Penn State.”

~Dan Patrick

I hope I hear Dan say, "Penn State has lost the right to have a football program."  And after, I hope he takes down that poster of Kate Upton that is hanging behind him.  It's still crushing my morale.

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Save It for Later: Father's Day and Jerry Sandusky

Save It for Later is a weekly roundup of items I find around the Web that I find worth sharing.  I use the term  "weekly" lightly, as I have not been exactly consistent it getting this posted.  In an attempt to turn over a new blogging leaf, I am back at it and on Father's Day.

Father's Day is not a fun one for me.  As some of you know, my father is a child molester and I was one of his victims.  I know I am not alone in experiencing mixed emotions during Father's Day and some have different reasons than my own.  However, there are some great dads out there and they deserve to be honored.  If you are one of those dads, and you know who are even if you did not receive a new drill or tie, Happy Father's Day.  Keep up the good work.  Your kids need you.  You are significant in their lives and you must never forget it--even on your worst of days.

Father's Day and Money

According to the History Channel American’s spend 1 billion dollars each year on Father’s Day gifts.  That’s a lot of money.  I am sure many dads deserve to be honored with gifts on this designated day to honor, but I can think of many more deserving ways to spend that much money.

If we took the money we spent on Father’s Day gifts and gave it to an organization that supports the prevention of child abuse, we could make an impact on moving towards eliminating child abuse.  This would result in world full good dads, dads who as children grew up in supportive environments.

I am not saying the good dads out there do not deserve to be honored.  They do.  But how about cooking up a good breakfast with items you already have in your refrigerator and finding a piece of paper and pen and making a handmade card with a poem authored by the kids?

I think the same should be done for Mother’s Day, too.  Little girls who grow up in supportive environments grow up to be supportive moms.

Also, preventing child abuse is good for the economy.

According to the Pew Charitable Trust, child abuse costs our nation 103.8 billion dollars a year:

The $103.8 billion cost of child abuse and neglect includes more than $33 billion in direct costs for foster care services, hospitalization, mental health treatment, and law enforcement.  Indirect costs of over $70 billion include loss of productivity, as well as expenditures related to chronic health problems, special education, and the criminal justice system. (source)

Loss of productivity impacts the economy as does tax dollars spent on foster care services and the criminal justice system.  So what would happen if we all took just a little of that Father’s Day gift money and donated it to an organization that works to prevent child abuse?  What would happen if we all took time after making our donations to learn how to prevent child abuse?   We could make a difference. 

The financial costs of child abuse is substantial, but let’s not forget the cost that is immeasurable—pain and suffering that lasts a lifetime:

. . .it is impossible to calculate the impact of the pain, suffering, and  reduced quality of life that victims of child abuse and neglect experience.  These “intangible losses”, though difficult to quantify in monetary terms, are real and should not be overlooked.  Intangible losses, in fact, may represent the largest cost component of violence against children and should be taken into account when allocating resources. (PCAAmerica)

Here are some organizations that work to prevent child abuse, could use your donation, and can provide you with information to learn to prevent child abuse:

Prevent Child Abuse America

Children’s Trust Fund

National Sexual Violence Resource Center

Stop It Now

Hero Project

Jerry Sandusky Stands Trial

Jerry Sandusky

Jerry Sandusky who is accused of 52 counts of molesting 10 boys over 14 years maintains his innocence.  His trial began on Monday June 11 wherein testimony from The Sandusky 8, the victims in the trial, was damaging to Sandusky at best.  At some point in the coming week, Sandusky himself is to take the stand in his own defense.  The defense is claiming the victims are in pursuit of financial gain and plan to have an expert testify that Sandusky has a psychiatric disorder—histrionic psychiatric disorder—that caused him to seek the boys attention.  Meaning, he wasn’t really grooming them so that he could rape them he just needed friends.

As uncomfortable as it is, it’s important to stay aware of what transpires during the Sandusky trial.  The Pennsylvania Coalition against Rape (PCAR) has invaluable resources available that parents, school officials, government officials, and anyone concerned with the effects of child abuse on our society should read.  It’s not a short list, so if you just have time for one, be sure to read Talking Points: Child Sexual Abuse.  At the very least, we all should be talking about it.  You can also follow the PCAR blog and real time updates via Twitter from PCAR during the trial.

Keep in mind, although difficult, incredibly difficult, it is possible to heal from child sexual abuse.  In response the hearing victims testimony during the Sandusky trial, Chris Carlton wrote an inspiring piece expressing support for the victims:

So, where does that leave me? Well…hopeful. Not for me—I feel like one of the lucky ones; I’ve found help. I’m hopeful for the men who have yet to reach out for help because what they need is right at their fingertips. The resources they believe are unattainable are within sight. The next three weeks of media bombardment need not be sustained alone and without defense—the bunker is much stronger, much larger and much fuller than anyone might think. To feel less alone and to get a glimpse at some of the millions strong in this bunker, visit 1in6.org/men/other-guys-like-me/.

 Be sure to click the link above and read the entire post.  After, visit 1 in 6.  Learn about child sexual abuse.  Information is empowering.  When empowered, we can be a force of prevention.

Happy Father's Day.

photo credit: naphiu via photo pin cc photo credit: marsmet551 via photo pin cc