All These Things That I've Done

On Mondays, I typically participate in Monday Listicles, which I love.  However, today's theme of things found in your closet....my closet is a tiny hole in the wall.  I live in an old house.  There's not much in there of interest--mainly hanging shirts and a pile of shoes on the floor.  But, I'm still going to participate with a list, just one of a different topic.  I hope you'll forgive my bending of the rules.

Do you have a constant internal dialogue discussing all the things you need to do or should be doing? I do. And yet, there is so much that I have done.

Yesterday I came across an inspiring list created by Kerstin Auer honoring the things she has done. She was prompted by a blogging link-up by Andrea B  Now, I’m inspired.



In lieu of the closet, here's a few things I've done:

*Attended a presidential rally. Forward!

*Saw my favorite rock icons in concert: Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam, and U2.

*Traveled from coast to coast to over 25 Dave Matthews Band concerts.

*Met my significant other online—MySpace to be exact.

*Survived two C-sections and was rewarded with two beautiful daughters.

*Survived the terrible twos, twice.

*Put my foot down and said “no” to my daughters several times, surviving the excruciating pain of knowing they were disappointed.

*Watched my oldest daughter star in her middle school musical (oh, the nerves. She did so well).

*Listened in amazement to my younger daughter practice her clarinet. She’s so talented.

*Read many poems of praise written for me by my daughters.

*Tucked in my girls at bedtime most every night for 14 years. 

*Visited Las Vegas three times.

*Traveled to London, Paris, Nice, Florence, and Lucerne.

*Taken the 3 1/2 hour boat tour around Manhattan.

*Saw Bebe Neuwirth play Velma Kelly in the musical Chicago on Broadway.

*Had “the talk” with my daughters. We aren't done, it is ongoing.

*Was runner-up in Junior Miss Ohio in 1987, which allowed me to go to college with the scholarship awards.

*Graduated Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Early Child Education in 2012.

*Have had many jobs: cocktail waitress, daycare worker, fitness center manager, pizza server, telemarketer, wardrobe consultant, retail merchandiser, and stay-at-home mom. My favorite has been stay-at-home mom.

*Confronted my perpetrators. I am a survivor of child sexual abuse.

*I've asked for help.

*I've received help.

*Gained and lost 60 pounds.

*Danced with a professional dance company.

*Danced in my living room.

*Gained and lost ten pounds.

*Recovered from an eating disorder.

*Had two photos selected by the Columbus Museum of Art to be included in their Photo Hunt installations.

*Was honored as a BlogHer 2012 Voice of the Year.

*I've been a wife and an ex-wife.

*Lived in Chicago, Philadelphia, New Jersey, Louisiana, Northern California, and now Columbus, Ohio.

*I've done punk rock karaoke.

*I've been to Bonnaroo, twice. And I want to go back!

I leave you with one of my favorite songs, so apropos:

  photo credit: the camera is a toy. via photopin cc

Save It for Later: Voices of Healing

In my highly neglected series, Save It for Later, I summarized things I found and bookmarked throughout the week from around the Web, reading them later, and then sharing them with you.  Although it is not technically the end of the week, I resurrect the series on the day when we expect to be visited by ghosts, Halloween. 

Consider this installment of Save It for Later a transition of a series from ghost to reality, and enjoy.

Your Roots Fridays

Last week, I was thrilled to be featured at Erin Margolin’s space for her series Your Roots Fridays, where writers explore their beginnings.  I struggled with this post because, as I am sure some of you experience, it’s difficult to articulate where words come from and where the need to write originates.  Please check out my submission, Me Too, and then explore the rest of the great stories submitted by others in the Show Us Your Roots series.  

As I explored Erin Margolin’s space, I realized she is an active voice and co-founder of the Gay Dad Project.  This is a project that you must take note of and share with friends.  Not only does Erin share her story about the day her dad revealed to the family that he was gay, but you will also find the story told from the perspectives of her mom and her dad.  What struck me most about these stories is the power in more than one person in the family sharing their experiences. 

In my own experience of healing from my hurts that occurred within my family of origin, I have had to separate from family members completely.  Seeing that Erin’s mom and dad were willing to share their stories is profound, brave, and a giant step in the right direction to healing their family’s hurts.  Also, through their words, other families will find strength and courage to live in honesty and love. 

One of Erin’s partners in the Gay Dad Project will appear on the Ricki Lake Show this Friday. 


Spiritual Journey of Healing

Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker

Patricia Singleton is another very powerful voice of healing.  I visit her space, Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker, regularly for inspiration and have written about her before here.  As an incest survivor who is thriving, last week Patricia celebrated the courageous voice of Aaron Fisher, Jerry Sandusky’s Victim #1.  Be sure to read JerrySandusky's Victim #1 Is Hero #1 For All Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse.

Sperk* at One Year

Last week I celebrated one year at Sperk*.  When I started writing here, I had no idea what I was doing.  Presently, I still have that feeling.  Reflecting upon the past year caused me to question if what I am doing here is of any value.  After a bit of self-loathing, I came to the conclusion that Sperk* does have value. (Not only that, because of being a BlogHer '12 Voice of the Year Honoree, I am now published!)  Within these posts, I've grown, become stronger, and know that if I stay the course I will get to a place where I can not only survive, but also thrive.  I appreciate you being my witness on this journey.

Did I Miss Summer?

Did I miss summer?

Technically, no, I did not. 

I watched the Summer Olympics, traveled to two concerts, and weathered a severe wind storm that brought a three-day power outage.  I also sweated my tootsies off without central air for the third year in a row. (You know, I don’t think I will ever get central air.  I grew up without it, and this year, we survived without it during the hottest summer ever.  And my electric bill is nice and minimal during the summer.  So there. I’m living green).

Even with proof that I experienced summer break, it seems it flew by like a Peregrine Falcon.  (The Peregrine Falcon is known for its speed which can reach over 200 mph.  Yes, I watched The Big Year several times over break). 

During the time I was watching movies, complaining about the heat, sitting in self-abomination because I couldn’t make it to BlogHer ’12, and reminiscing about my high school graduation that happened 25 summers ago, fellow-bloggers gave me awards.    

I’m grateful, therefore I am going to share.  Also, my daughters went back to school, which means I need to get back to . . . doing . . . something.

The lovely writers at Ladies Holiday bestowed upon me the Liebster Award.  Have you checked out Ladies Holiday?  You should.  It’s a great collaborative site.  I personally guarantee you’ll enjoy visiting their space.

The amazing women who are the Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms bestowed upon me the Very Inspirational Blogger Award.  Talk about inspiring!  These women are smart, witty, feeling, thinking moms with tons of kids between the two of them.  They have been an authentic voice of support in the comments at Sperk* and I hope to continue seeing them here for a very long time. 

And last, but certainly not least, Carrie, who is at a new space called Written Ramblings, offered me the Very Inspirational Blogger Award way back on June 29^th.  I was right in the middle of the power outage and planned to respond as soon as AEP worked its magic.  But then I did something else--something much less important than saying “Thank you.” 

To accept the awards, I must pass them along to other bloggers and give random facts about myself. 

First, the facts:

* My Chihuahua, Frodo, is always on my lap when I am writing.

* I have a serious problem with procrastination.

* Tomorrow is my birthday.

* I think kids rule.

* Music makes me happy.

Now, the awards (if you accept, proudly display the honor on your blog, pass it onto others, and give some random facts about yourself):

Liebster Award (up and coming with less than 200 followers):

~One Funny Motha

~From Tracie

~Single Working Mom and Other Funny Stories

Very Inspirational Blogger Award:

~The Mommy Padawan

~Time Out for Mom
~The Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker

Wednesday's Woman: Christy Turlington Burns

Christy Turlington Burns (credit)

Today's Wednesday's Woman comes to you from monthly contributor, Anna Mahler, who blogs at The Mommy Padawan.  Anna is a strong voice for self-care.  Her philosophy is that if we love and care for ourselves we will share that goodness with others.  She is an advocate for children and women and has recently been featured at MindBodyGreen.

Wednesday's Woman: Christy Turlington Burns

By Anna Mahler

Christy Turlington Burns is an incredibly beautiful woman. She's a highly recognizable face backed by a very successful modeling career.  But there is more to her than meets the eye, another side she is not as recognized for. She is also a mother and longtime advocate for preventable health and wellness. Her concern and compassion for women’s health issues have led her to become a film maker and activist for two important causes, both close to her heart. 

After losing her father to lung cancer and conquering her own nicotine addiction, Christy began working to help educate others on the damaging health effects of smoking. In the late 1990's, she co-created anti-smoking public service announcements for MTV, presented at the SurgeonGeneral's first report on Women and Tobacco and in 2002, created the website Smoking Is Ugly.  

The site provides resources for those trying to kick the habit, information on the health effects of smoking for women and Christy's own story of loss, her personal struggle to quit and what she's learned and gained.

Her more recent and possibly more well-known work is her 2010 documentary on maternal mortality around the world, No Woman No Cry and the creation of her organization for this cause, Every Mother Counts. 

In 2003, Christy gave birth to a healthy baby girl at home. Her pregnancy and the birth of her daughter were both normal but shortly after delivery, she experienced PPH – Post Partum Hemorrage. While her midwife and obstetrician were able to manage this complication without a problem, Christy learned that PPH is the leading cause of pregnancy related death in the world, especially for those without access to pre and postnatal care, even here in the US.

While pregnant with her second child, Christy spent time traveling with CARE, a humanitarian organization dedicated to fighting global poverty with a special focus on working with women. With them, she was able to visit parts of Central America and Peru and saw firsthand some of the work being done to help lower maternal mortality rates in these areas.

Deeply effected and wanting to find a good way to share what she had seen and learned, Christy began working on her documentary, No Woman NoCry. The film includes women's stories from Tanzania, Bangladesh, Guatemala and the United States.

But more work lay ahead as Christy explained what caused her to start Every Mother Counts:

“The experience of making the film was life changing and thegeneral response since completing it has been validating in that it has proventhat the effort that went into it has been meaningful to so many. But bringingthese stories to those who previously didn’t know about any of these maternalhealth challenges was only a start. What is awareness if not harnessed andturned into action? At every screening I attended, people were asking what theycould do to help, how they could get involved. The issue was obviously touchinga nerve and I found that people were reacting exactly as I had hoped—like me.Once you know the facts, how can you ignore them? I wanted to create a placeothers could go to learn more and be a part of the solution.”

The web site for her organization provides detailed information on women's maternal health issues and ways you can help, from donations and fundraising to telling your story and supporting products that donate and support the cause as well.  Information on the organization's progress is also included online including current information on goals, partnerships and work being done to help women around the world.

Christy Turlingtons' outer beauty is undeniable, but it is her compassion for other women and mothers and her desire to educate and help that is her real beauty to me, this is what makes her shine.  That is what inspires me about her and why I choose her for Wednesday's Woman.

Smoking Is Ugly

Every Mother Counts

photo credit: anali02170 via photo pin cc

Save It for Later: BlogHer '12, Reality TV, and Back to School

In Save It for Later you’re getting a brief run-down of each week's stand-outs from around the Web.

BlogHer ‘12

"Opportunity often comes disguised in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat."

Napoleon Hill

Voices of the Year

Thanks to the kindness of Ashley Taylor and Stacey Gill, I had the opportunity to go to BlogHer ’12 and celebrate my VOTY honor.  Thanks to my inability to overcome the fear of the dentist, I missed it.  Also, dentists are expensive--more expensive than what I had saved for a flight to NYC.  I was faced with deciding between a cracked front tooth and lost crown being fixed and attending the conference.  The situation depressed me.  And I still haven’t found an affordable option for fixing my teeth.  I’m in a funk and hoping to overcome it by continuing a fearless examination of what it means to be me:  Sperk*, a human, mom, friend, and one who sometimes loses sight of the fortitude I already hold (that was in no particular order).

Did you go to BlogHer ’12?  How was it?

What Are You Watching?

I’m into the new HBO series The Newsroom.  I like its intelligent take on the media, challenging viewers to be critical thinkers as they take in the news and other forms of entertainment.  In episode four, I'll Try to Fix You, viewers got a fictional and yet impactful look into gossip magazines’ “takedown” stories.   Regina Kulik Scully and Jennifer Siebel Newsom, who write for the blog at Miss Representation, recently wrote an article related to the episode, asking us to take into consideration why we watch reality television.  Although I do not view most reality shows as “takedown” stories, they have a similar trashy feel.  The article, The Toxic 'Takedown' Fast, raises interesting questions related to both tabloid 'takedowns' and reality shows.  

With the premiere of TLC’s new show, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo , premiering on Wednesday, I have to ask, “When will we say ‘enough!’ to reality television?”  And, "Who are we taking down with these shows?" 

I’m grateful my own reality TV guilty pleasure, Pawn Stars, is not in the TLC, but airs on The History Channel.  I’m afraid Honey Boo Boo is going to cause me to boycott TLC.

Back to School Shopping

My kids start school earlier than usual this year—August 15^th.  That means school supply shopping is not right around the corner.  It should be happening now.  I’m unprepared.  And both of my girls have long lists of items that need to be purchased in order for them to be prepared for learning (insert a hint of sarcasm here___).

According to a CBS News story, Americans will spend on average $689 per family on back to school shopping.  Here’s some sound advice from J.J. Montanaro, who writes at USAA, on how to make it a little less painful: 

5 Back-to-School Shopping Tips You Won't Want to Miss

Find something interesting while surfing the Web this week?  Let me know in the comments. 

photo credit: Thomas Hawk via photo pin cc
photo credit: Sarah Deforche via photo pin cc

However: I'm Going to BlogHer '12!

It’s Friday! And it’s the first official day of Summer Break 2012. 

This morning I drove from Bexley to Dublin and back to Bexley (Ohio, not Europe) carting the kids from a sleepover to their dads for some swim-time in his fabulous pool. 

As I traveled the outerbelt of Columbus, I was thinking, “I hope I don’t spend my entire summer driving I-270.”

Then I remembered.  I won’t.  At some point--in August to be exact--I’ll be in New York City for BlogHer ’12.

I am finding words to describe how it is I became able to attend BlogHer ’12 difficult to attain.  The “feeling” side of my brain wants to tell you one thing and my “thinking” side wants to tell you another.  Typically I can get them to converge in a space that triggers my fingers to type, but today, that’s not the case.

I’m not one to ask for help.  I should be.  Everyone should be.  In fact, I often tell my girls, “If you need help, ask.”

After this experience, I’m sure I will be a pro at acquiring help.

Why?

Fear is fading.  Fast.

Oh yes, Sperk* is the Fearless examination of life with two adolescent daughters and I have been fully committed to truth in this space.  Bringing it honestly requires confident clicks of the tab labeled “publish” and, thanks to your supportive comments, your rally of empathetic cheers, I am used to braving that task. 

However, in life without a computer screen . . . let’s just say my confidence level doesn’t quite mirror what you read.

Soon, however, I will have no choice but to be fearless in person.

In response to my post describing my experience of being named a BlogHer 2012 Voices of the Year Honoree, I was offered, via a Twitter direct message, a BlogHer ’12 pass from a blogger who cannot attend the conference.

I did not say “Yes” right away because although I was thrilled, I was also confused and afraid. 

I came up with excuses to say, “No,” and I had some good ones—accommodations in New York City are expensive and traveling to New York City is expensive.

Then I received an email from a blogger who lives close to New York City.  She offered me her couch.

The one last excuse, the cost of travel, became irrelevant because I do own a car.  

No reason to say "No."

But I still wanted to.

Then I engaged in a fearless self-examination of the inexplicable fear driving me to shy away from these kind, self-less offers.  I was lead back to PTSD:

For them, the excitement of success feels uncomfortably close to the feeling of arousal they experienced when subjected to a traumatic event or multiple events . . . People who have experienced trauma may associate the excitement of success with the same physiological reactions as trauma . . . And many of us-especially if we've been subject to verbal abuse-have been told we were losers our whole lives, in one way or another. We have internalized that feedback and feel that we don't deserve success. (Susanne Babbel, Ph.D., M.F.T.)

I said “Yes,” to both offers.

I won’t let it have me.

It’s had me too long.

I’m still afraid.  I’m still confused. 

However.

I’m willing to be true to Sperk’s tagline and be fearless.  In person.  For real.

Thank you, Ashley Taylor (A Dose of Reality), for offering me your BlogHer '12 pass.

Thank you, Stacey Gill  (Stacy Gill Ink), for offering your couch.

I accept with gratitude for you both and for my readers.  I accept with gratitude in honor of my truth.

photo credit:  freya.gefn via flickr cc