Friday, February 10, 2012

Enter Stage Right: Mom's Growing Pains


My little one danced around the living room in her dress-up attire, freely feeling the music, and allowing it to move her into a frenzy of expression.  She sang along to the track, hitting the pitch of each note, allowing the world to hear her voice.  After months of this, I took action and enrolled her in music lessons.  I contemplated dance lessons with careful scrutiny because as a former dancer, I knew the demise of self-esteem that is brought on by staring in the mirror for 8 hours a day.  Yet, I found a top notch dance studio, and enrolled her in a creative dance class.

She loved it.  But then came November and pending auditions for the Nutcracker. I overheard parents talking about the potential for their four year old daughters being cast as mice or soldiers and their disdain for the chosen Mouse King from last year’s production.  At that moment, I decided she would not be in the environment of the performing arts.
In lieu of dance, over the years, there were piano lessons, voice lessons, and guitar lessons--not anything serious and performances were for "fun".  And there were stories I told, per her request, about my experiences as a dancer in the theater.  One summer, she begged to do an acting camp.  For the culminating production, she landed the role of the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland.

I thought it was a strange casting choice.  She was short and sweet and I could not envision her becoming a lunatic royal who enjoyed ordering those who crossed her to be beheaded.  But when I first heard her shout, "Off with their heads!" I knew.  She was a natural performer.

Most parents would have been thrilled with the discovery of their child’s talent.  And I was.  But I was also terrified.  I was transported back to a time when I would cry hidden away in bathrooms, hearing others talk terribly about me if I got a role they wanted.  The pressure to do it better, be better, look better.  The uncertainty of knowing whether or not the director would like me enough to cast me in a role.

I could not let my fear keep her from exploring her interest and developing her craft.

Last year she was excited to audition for what was, in her eyes, her first legitimate production--the middle school fall play.  She didn’t get cast and there was a flood of tears.

I said, “I am proud of you for having the courage to do the audition.  Focus on what you learned.”  And I encouraged her to join the crew.

In the winter, she auditioned for the middle school musical.  I was so nervous for her.  She had some voice training, but not anything that would prepare her for the stress and expectations of an audition.  She landed a spot in the chorus, performed well and had a great time.

It was, however, difficult for her to deal with the intense emotions felt the morning after the final performance.  I knew from experience that the end of a show’s run felt like the death of a friend--intense grief.  I honored her feelings, comforted her, and tried to distract her with a walk and baking cookies.  The exercise and sweet treats alleviated some of her sadness and life soon returned to normal.

I sighed with relief. No more performing until next year.

Next year arrived and she auditioned for the fall play.  She was cast in a supporting role and performed well.  It was wonderful to see her understand that she was, over time, improving.

She accepted that learning a craft takes time and involves growth.  She embraced her process.  And the grief brought on by the close of the show did not last long.  Auditions for the winter musical, Once Upon a Mattress, were in one day.

From the crew, to the chorus, to a supporting role.  Next?

When the cast list was posted online the night after call-backs, she screamed from her room, “I GOT THE LEAD!”

I was so confused.  I ran in and said, “I thought you auditioned to be Winnifred.” 

She said, “I did.  Winnifred is the LEAD!”

I was stunned, proud, excited, relieved, thrilled, and scared.

I had questions.  Would she turn into a diva?  Could she pull this off?  How much support could I give before I turned into a stage mother?

She worked very hard.  Rehearsals went late into the night and she kept up with her academic responsibilities.  She was humble and a cast member, not a diva.  She worked diligently on her vocal techniques and responded to acting direction well.

She was deep down to the bone beautiful during the entire rehearsal process.

Last night, Once Upon A Mattress opened.  I was blown away by her performance.



She was funny.  I know this because I heard others laughing.  Her vocal performances were stellar.  I know this because of the intensity of others clapping.  She not only was believable as Princess Winnifred the Woebegone, she was Winnifred the Woebegone.  I know this from the others around me who stood up onto their feet when she ran out from the wings for her curtain call.

As I write this, I struggle to find the words to appropriately express my wonderment and my fear.  I do not even understand the depths of what I am feeling.

What I do know is that there are three more performances.  I will do as I always do:  make sure she gets a good meal before the performance, help her with her hair and make-up, and remind her of the importance of warming her voice up properly.   

I will keep in mind that my struggles and fears are not hers.

And I will also make sure I continue to say these two things as she jumps out of the car before running into the school for the cast’s call time:

“Have a great time.  I love you.”










Sophia's February performance run in Once Upon a Mattress was a phenomenal experience.  She is now enrolled in private voice lessons and taking it very seriously.  She has helped the grade school theater students as a crew member during their play and has been asked to be a small part of the high school spring musical playing a child in Beauty and the Beast.  I couldn't be more excited and proud of her.  And I couldn't be more grateful to have such a wonderful community of bloggers to share this with--thank you yeah writers!


photo credit: slimmer_jimmer via photopin cc

37 comments:

  1. LOVE this. Now I understand why you liked my Basketball and spelling bees post so much. I totally understand how you feel and I am SO proud of her for her accomplishment. (And you, Mom).

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    1. Thanks, Missy. I hope you are having a great week!

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  2. Oh, you've captured the emotions so well... opening night jitters, closing night grief... I have felt them both :)
    The fact that you understand that side of the performing arts will help her (and you) down the road, won't it? My parents didn't have a clue... but they were still proud. :)
    You must be SO proud!!
    Congratulations to your little one... and you! :)

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    1. Hi Lindsay. Yes, in theory my experiences should help. Although, this week, the downer of a show's performance run coming to a close is lingering. I may storm her room, turn off the depressing music, and, um, dance? ;)

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  3. Wow! I would be so proud and as I read your post I could feel your emotions and your fears. I think having you as a Mom who understands the side of the performing arts will help her through her journey. Congrats!

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    1. Thanks, Bruna. The current week is a rough one. Coming down from a performance is truly a struggle. . .onto the next show ;)

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  4. oh i totally felt your emotion, your fears reading this. in fact, it made well up a bit! you're doing awesome by not letting your own fears stop her from doing what she loves. amazing job, Mom!

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  5. Wow. She is lucky to have a mom who can share experiences with her and give some good advice. It's great that she is so aware of the necessity for hard work and the ability to take disappointment along with the high points. I often think about how much more intense parenting will be as my son grows older and starts having to really learn and understand those more adult concepts.

    Great post :)

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  6. i find myself projecting my own fears and experiences on my child already (and he's not even two!), so i admire and applaud you for being such an awesome and supportive mom! you've got a great, talented daughter, and i think she's so lucky to have you to help guide and support her talent and dreams in a positive way. break a leg, sophia!

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  7. Thank you for perfectly describe the emotional trial that is performing arts. Particularly that grief that accompanies that last show. I used to crash after the final performance, but my mom knew it was coming. Your daughter is lucky to have a mom who is so supportive of her gifts.

    Also, as an aside, I was in "Once Upon a Mattress"! I was Queen Aggravain. That is such a great show because it doesn't take itself too seriously. The performers can just have fun and entertain. I'm glad she enjoyed herself and is continuing.

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  8. SOunds like you have the perfect perspective. You know the risks of the performing world and can prepare her for those and anticipate them, but you still let her learn her own lessons. I think you summed it up perfectly with "have fun and I love you."

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  9. It sounds like your daughter has amazing talent.

    I think we often bring our own experiences and fears into the way we deal with similar issues with our kids. I keep reminding myself that my kids life is their own journey not mine.

    Continue to love and encourage her as you have.

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  10. I have a deep rooted fear that my daughter will make the same mistakes I have. I work so hard to teach/show her not to go down roads I chose (I am being dramatic I know) I'm over cour But you are right. She is not me. I am not her.

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  11. I could actually feel the pit in the bottom of my stomach as I read this piece. I had terrible stage fright as a young child and my first ballet recital was a disaster. I tinkled in my tutu and ran off screaming. Not my finest moment for sure. My kids are all outgoing and love the spotlight. I have no idea where they get this from but I try so hard to encourage them and not saddle them with my own insecurities. Great post!

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    1. Thank you for the feedback and am sorry about your tutu mishap. We all have our gifts....and I enjoy reading of yours at your blog!

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  12. ok, so I danced {nothing amazing or really that hardcore} for 12 years, as well as was in every highschool theatre performance there was. even the ones as a freshman I didn't make, I was in the wings - helping with costumes, with all of it. Oh, my best memories of my teenaged years were housed in that auditorium, with the kids there that became family...in fact, I ended up marrying one of the sound guys. I thought he was cute, and told a friend backstage...turns out he could hear me through his headphones :) I love this post. I know your fears, it is an uncertain future... but in it can be a bright present. :)

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  13. Loved this post. I have also had to be the shoulder to lean on after the final curtain. It is such a let-down. Almost a deflating back to earth.
    My oldest is into theater, but unlike you, I have no experience or triggers with it. It was not my thing, so I just go along with my daughter for the ride. Can it actual be true that sometimes ignorance is bliss? I do feel uncomfortable with that because it is not my usual M.O. Ellen

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  14. Performing arts can be so terrifying as a participant, but I'd never really looked at it from the POV of the parent before. How do you even take a breath during the performance?

    I get nervous when my husband gets on stage to perform, and that's just at church, for Pete's sake. I can't even imagine my kid in a spotlight subject to judgment.

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  15. Aw, my school put on that play - its awesome! Congrats - what a big role!

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  16. Oh, that fine balance of parenting...encouraging without pushing...cautioning without frightening. It's not always easy to know if you're saying the right thing or if you should be saying anything at all. It sounds like you're doing great! Congratulations on your talented daughter and on your talented parenting.

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  17. Kimberly, that is AWESOME!!! I love that you've been such a pillar of support for her - I think that played a big role in her confidence and success.

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  18. I'm proud of her reading this, and she's not even my kid! It's so hard to be a parent sometimes though, isn't it? Especially to watch our kids experience something that we actually know about (even though mine never believe I actually know about anything or experienced anything before them) and not stop them or push them. I think we have to let them make a lot of their own choices (as long as they're safe of course) and just be there for them. It sounds like you're handling all of this perfectly!

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  19. This had me all choked up and I'm not even sure why. :-) Bravo to you for keeping that delicate balance of guidance and support, without letting your own fears override your encouragement of her. Bravo to her for her success and her ability to humbly shine. I think you both know more than a little bit about balance.

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  20. Oh Kimberly I am so proud of her for you! I do love how you described others reactions to your daughter on the stage.
    Kudos to you for being able to step back and realize her life is HERS, separate from your own past experiences. I do believe many parents find difficulty in that one.

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  21. I'm not sure why but reading this brought tears to my eyes! I can only imagine how ruthless it must have been for you as a performer (people can be so mean!) and to let go and let your daughter pursue her passion. Hopefully she will not be hurt by any negative experiences and will only continue to grow as a performer. Knowing you've "got her back" and that you love and support her no matter what will help so much during those less than bright moments.

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  22. I love this post. As I read on, your words created such a story that I even started to feel proud of your daughter for her accomplishments.

    Also, thank you for your kind comments on my blog. It meant a lot to me as your blog is one of the ones that, after reading, I leave in such awe at what you were able to express. Thanks for the inspiration!

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  23. I could not let my fear keep her...

    So good and such wisdom!
    Well written! As a mother of a drama kid I totally got what you were saying, even "I do not understand what I am feeling"

    Good job!

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  24. This is so beautifully written. The fear, the joy. And most of all the love. I wish I could see this play! Your daughter is beautiful and even in photos she's glowing and vibrant. I have no doubt she's talented, and know you'll keep her feet on the ground. :) Good job, mama.

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  25. This was so heart warming, I just loved it. I dread those days of rejection for my boys - as it is certain to happen - but I hope they will be as tough as your daughter to stick with something they love and work hard to improve. Congrats to both of you!

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  26. (sigh) You gave me the chills and made me cry. That was so beautifuly written. Noah wants to be a famous actor/singer/dancer/everything and all I can think of is Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. The only long-term married famous couple. I want Noah to have normal, but maybe to him that is.

    Congratulations.

    ~The G is Silen

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  27. This made me cry a little - I'm so proud of her and I don't even know her!! Beautifully written and such a great story!

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  28. You have much to be proud of, Kimberly. Enjoy it as much as possible!

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  29. So your accepting hugs right??? You are such a wonderful mom. I could feel your pain....deep pain...scared to death pain and yet you were strong enough to truly listen to what your daughter wanted, put your fear aside and let her do what she wanted to do. I loved this. I loved that you both grew. I also loved hearing about her journey. I am so happy for both of you!!! Great job Mom! -LV

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  30. Awww this was such a beautiful post. I'm glad you overcame your fears enough to allow her to 'fly on her own' so to speak. *hugs and applause*

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  31. How very, very cool for her!! I know how proud you must be. I never had the guts to try out for plays and musicals growing up, and I can't tell you how much I regret that now. Good for her for chasing her dreams early!!

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  32. The first time I read this it brought back such memories of high school (although I didn't get cast and was crew more often than not!) productions. How wonderful for your daughter, and how terrifying for you - in the best possible, most ambivalent way. I understand your fears, and I know you'll keep supporting her wonderfully.

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  33. What a wonderful story -- her development over time, your awareness that HER life is hers, not some re-vision of your own, her willingness to help others. Guess she's definitely going to "remember hte little people" when she gets to the top... : )

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