If My Daughter Had Time

Within one year, she quickly moved from a budding fashionista to a promising musical theatre performer.  Now she just wants time to turn the music she loves into movie soundtracks.  Becoming a D.J. also interests her.  However, high school academics are demanding.  After hours spent at school she has hours of homework.  Just the other night she said, "Mom, I just want time to curate my music, learn how to edit and mix music, finish reading The Catcher in the Rye, write a screenplay, and play with my hamster.  But I never have time with all this homework!" I have been lobbying to homeschool her, but she gives much resistance.  I know that if I could provide her education at home, she'd have time for the things that interest her. Her interests would be incorporated into the curriculum.   Maybe someday soon I'll figure out that I am the mom and her education is ultimately my decision.  I am conflicted because I also want her to be happy.  I fear she'll resent my demand for her to be homeschooled.   In the meantime, I'll capture the moments (pictured below) wherein she is experiencing joy, free from the academic pressures of traditional education.  These moments are extraordinary, maybe not to her, but to me they quietly scream she is an amazing woman in the making.

Sophia, age 14, enjoying her music.

Linking up with ladies holiday Photo Friday photo (top) credit: Myxi via photopin cc

She Must Get A's

Bad grades=bad self-esteem

Good grades=good self-esteem

Good grades do not necessarily indicate learning or becoming a better person, or growing.

In the world of a teen, where everything is rapidly changing, where coming home from school should mean time off to relax, regroup, and recharge, teens are required to do homework so that they can get good grades.

That homework takes hours.

When do teens exercise?

PE has been removed from the curriculum for more academics.

Lack of physical activity does not help the performance of the brain, it hinders it.

Lack of physical activity also sabotages the outcome of the state mandated BMI tests.

It is recommended students be in extra-curricular activities.  These improve the chances of students performing well, academically.

The extra-curricular activities take time away from homework which is a requirement in order to receive good grades.

When should teens socialize?

What if they aren’t interested in the history of the Ming Dynasty?

My teen is struggling.

She’s smart.

She can do the work.

I do not know where her mind is when she is studying.

I do not know how to help her without hovering over her as she stares at a book that she recently stared at in class.

Maybe it’s time to choreograph song and dance numbers composed of World Studies facts.

Maybe it’s time to tell her she must put a hold on growing up.  There are A’s that need to be seen on her transcript.

How do I tell her it's not her fault, it's not her teacher's fault?

How do I not feel it is my fault?

How do I tell her I will not have the ability to change the educational system in America before she graduates from high school?

Learning we must do things we do not want to do may be the hardest lesson to learn.

If she can master that, she'll have it made.

 

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10 Songs That Rock

I planned on composing today’s Monday Listicles earlier this morning but was sidetracked after my daughter, a freshman in high school, sent me a text.  Apparently she has to stay after school and write on the chalkboard, “I will not forget my Spanish binder” a number of times as a consequence for, you guessed it, forgetting her Spanish binder. 

I spent a few hours looking for credible research that supported my instinct: writing lines is an ineffective and demeaning form of punishment.  More on that in a future post.

Now for the fun stuff, a great topic for today’s Monday’sListicles: 10 Songs.  That’s it.  No explanation and left open for interpretation.

I’m going for 10 Songs That Rock. 

You may ask, “What’s the criteria for rocking?”  The answer:

~Any song, if you heard it on the radio, you wouldn’t change the dial.

~A rock anthem (Still ambiguous, I know. Now you’re asking, “What’s a rock anthem?”)

~Any song with a driving beat that brings you to your feet.

~Any song that makes you feel empowered.

~Any song that will help alleviate my anger for forgotten binders and punishments given as consequences.
~Any song that fills in for anti-depressant medication.

10 Songs That Rock

Why Go - Pearl Jam

Elevation - U2

Paradise City - Guns N Roses

Baba O'Riley - The Who

We Will Rock You - Queen

Under Pressure - Queen
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
Killing in the Name - Rage Against The Machine
Born in the USA - Bruce Springsteen
Infinity Guitars -Sleigh Bells

The above were ranked in no particular order.  It was challenging enough to choose only 10.  Ranking them would have taken days of research and statistical analysis.  Which songs are on your list of Songs That Rock?

Be sure to check out Monday Listicles to see how other bloggers interpreted 10 Songs:

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The More Things Change

Have I told you how grateful I am for Monday Listicles?  When I get out of the habit of caring for Sperk*, Monday Listicles always brings me back, gently and successfully.  Thanks, Stasha.

Today’s theme is 10 Clues We Are Living In 2012.  But, you know, the more things change, the more they stay the same. 

5 Clues I Am Living in 2012

1.  I have no landline. My home phone is my cell phone.

2.  My oldest is a freshman in high school.

3.  I can go an entire week without speaking to anyone, but still communicate with the world.

4.  Completed my college degree without stepping foot in a classroom.

5.  $100 buys only one bag of groceries.

5 Clues Nothing Has Changed Since 1992

1.  My kids’ school backpacks weigh over 50 pounds each.  (When will technology replace all of those binders and books?)

2.  I get calls from telemarketers soliciting time shares.

3.  Teens still have make-out parties in the basement and think parents do not know.

4.  Watching television is still one of America’s top forms of entertainment.

5.  Moms top the list as the number one most embarrassing thing in the lives of teens.

Who knows.  Some of these things may change.  Our school district will eventually embrace technology.  Kids may have online make-out parties.  But one thing that will most definitely never change:  our kids' need for love and acceptance.  

Go hug your baby.  Or your puppy.  Or go online and feed your cyber-pet.

Go forth into the new week with optimism. . . because I said so.

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Looks Like It, Smells Like It, Must Be Parent Orientation

In the fall, my younger daughter will be attending the local middle school--the same school my older daughter has attended for the past two years.  Last night, even though I know a bit about what goes on during the 7th and 8th grade years, I attended the parent information meeting for incoming middle school students.  

Having insight due to experience is not always great.  It can lead to being able to smell bull-shit from more than a mile away.

Below I've listed a few points that I hope the administration will consider before holding their next parent orientation meeting. If action is taken for the better, it is possible that I may acquire some enthusiasm for witnessing my second daughter enter that most tumultuous right-of-passage we like to call middle school.

1) Late Arrivals to the Meeting:

When a parent shows up more than 15 minutes late, sits down before realizing she doesn't have the handouts, gets up to retrieve the hand-outs and disrupts the meeting for the third time as she returns to her seat, please stop talking.  I can’t hear you and I am very distracted by her need to wear short shorts to a parent meeting.

2) Academic Program Information:

If an academic program is significant enough to include in the informational meeting, please do not use acronyms to describe its various aspects.  Some of us are not familiar with what the acronyms stand for.

3) Handheld Devices:

When telling us about your student handheld device policy, which includes how you will confiscate them if they become distracting, please make sure the parents around me have stopped texting on their iPhones and actually hear you.

4) Teacher Web Pages:

Please check with teachers before telling us that their Web pages will be full of informative tidbits concerning what is going on in the classroom.  A majority of the faculty fails to post content, and if they do, they fail to update content past the first week of school.

5) Appeal for PTO Volunteers:

Inform the president of the PTO that saying, “You'll want to know which kids invite your child to their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs," is not going to compel me to volunteer in the school.

6) School Trip Funding:

Please do not tell us that in lieu of hiring an educational student tour company, the assistant-principle organized the entire Washington D.C. trip himself in order to save money.  Our property taxes are extraordinarily high and I purchased enough cookie dough and wrapping paper from the PTO fundraisers to hire a tour company myself. 

7) Athletics:

When telling us to check the athletic department’s website for information on sports, be sure to first try navigating the site yourself.  It’s confusing.

8) Facebook:

Telling us that our children’s behavior on Facebook is "worse than what we think" does not scare uninvolved parents into looking at their kid’s Facebook pages.  It just doesn't.  Those parents probably aren't at the meeting.

Saying, “Facebook only becomes my problem if it keeps a student from coming to school due to embarrassment," and "What kids do during non-school hours is not my problem,” is terribly misguided.  The kids are on Facebook while they are in the school building, during school hours.  They post updates all day long.  And if you take a look at the way students are socializing during lunch after they've eaten, they are not talking and playing ball.  They are nose-down into their handhelds updating Facebook.  It IS your problem.   It’s OUR problem.  Consider us working together on creating a social media strategy that works both at home and at school.

9) Dress Code:

“I know there are really cute outfits out there available for girls.  But if someone shows up wearing something they’d wear out on a Friday night, you’ll hear from me.”

As far as policy goes, this is subjective, relative and vague.  What do you think a 13 year old wears out on a Friday night?  And where are they wearing it?  At a sleep-over?  Our ideas about Friday night attire for the middle school girl are apparently different.

“How students dress for school is a decision to be made between students and their parents.”  

This is nice in theory, however, have you looked at your students' Facebook pictures?  They wear that stuff to school! Are you actually in the school?  I know you are, but you can't be because you'd then see that some parents and students have decided that booty shorts are appropriate academic wear.  I'm so confused.

Additionally, kids are in school for a majority of the day--more than they are at home.  Don't you think the adolescent brain could use some developmental support while away from the nagging voice of their parents?   Your lack of interest in maintaining standards for a school dress code indicates you lack interest in students'  growth outside the realm of academics.

Not only could my kid use your support, I could, too.  You're the professional and you probably came across the topic of adolescent development in your studies to become an educator.  Have you heard of parent education?  The most information you ever sent home regarding the emotional development of my child came as a reminder that she needed sleep and a healthy breakfast due to an upcoming achievement test.  I suppose the other days I should send her to bed at midnight and feed her Cracker Jacks in the morning?  Scoring high on the OAA only gets a person so far in life and only looks good for the school on paper, or as data.  How your students dress and act are more reflective of the school district than the score card published by the state's Department of Education.

Lastly, what if Susie Smith’s parents don’t care what she wears?  Are you to allow her to attempt navigating through clothing decisions on her own?  During adolescence?  When she's toying with her identity?  You think she'll outgrow the need to base her self-esteem on being sexually attractive?  Well, then.  You must not have seen the short shorts on the mom who arrived late to the parent orientation.  See point number one for further information.  

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photo credit: Enokson via photo pin cc

I Don't Know About Those Shorts

This morning, Sophia emerged from her room wearing new clothes her dad bought her over the weekend.  Her outfit was cute: short denim cutoffs, a black spaghetti strap tank under a sleeveless cotton screen-printed Beatles tee, and boots.  It looked like something one would have worn in the 1980’s to a Guns N’ Roses concert with the exception that she and her clothes looked clean.

I had no issue with the look.  I mean, I prefer her to go with the Land's End conservative approach, but that's not her and that's OK.

I had issue with the shorts.  They were short.  And I had issue with the boots with the shorts.  It was too oversexualized. 

She unrolled the shorts and they were better.  I was still uncomfortable with them but her argument was valid: “Mom, these were the longest shorts in the store.  Now they are rolled down, which makes them absolutely not cool, but I am willing to deal with it.”

She put a jean jacket over the tank and cut-off tee combo.  She changed out of her boots and put on her navy blue Keds.  I told her she looked cute and she glared at me.  I am certain this was her way of telling me she was filled with disdain because she had the strictest mother on the planet who wouldn't let her wear things that made her look good.

Little does she know, she looks best in her softball shorts, a loose tee, and sneakers.

After Sophia left for school, Antonia emerged from her room wearing denim shorts that came to her knee and a cute tee covered by a zipped hoodie.  On her feet she wore the new Toms her dad bought her over the weekend.  She looked cute.

We proceeded to have a conversation about how uncomfortable short shorts are in that they crawl up your crotch and you have to constantly pull them down out from between your inner thighs.  I added that I thought the school should just ban shorts all together.  I said, “The buildings are air-conditioned.  Shorts are not necessary.”

She agreed.

I helped her put on her 50 pound backpack by grabbing her long wavy hair and holding it to the top of her head.  I didn’t want it to get caught between the backpack and her back.  That would be painful.

She abruptly waved me off and proceeded to say, “Now I’m going to have to brush my hair.”

Her disdain for her hair is expressed every morning.  This makes no sense at all because her hair is jut lovely, I mean very lovely.

Little does she know, I think she looks best when she just grabs her hair and twists it up into a ponytail.

I’m trying to help them love themselves.  I tell them they look cute, but I don’t make a big fuss over it.  It’s like a passing thing: “You look cute today.  Did you grab your lunch?  Don’t forget you have rehearsal after school.”

Maybe they would realize they are beautiful if I made more of a fuss over how they look. But I won’t.  That was done to me as a teen and as a result my entire self-worth was based upon it.

Little did I know, I was also smart, creative, and funny.

Sometimes I have no idea if what I’m doing is going to produce a positive outcome—that outcome being two grown women that compassionately kick ass in whatever they do.  Until that time, they are just going to have to deal with long shorts and possibly consider getting hair cuts.

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Fear the Quack

I was terribly knocked-kneed, pigeon-toed, and stood with an extreme swayback posture, belly out in all its glory--not to be overshadowed by my posterior, which butted out with distinction. Imagine the gait of such a youngster. My walk, or waddle, was successful in earning me the nickname of "Duck Butt." Boys making quacking noises in the school hallways could be heard over the sounds of noisy chatter and slamming lockers.  Girls, my friends, bestowed upon me so many rubber duckies that even Ernie (not Bert) was pining for a look at my collection. By the time I was 14 years old, and after thousands of hours of dance lessons, the problem was corrected. However, "Duck Butt" and I were synonymous until I left home for college. I won't go back, for I fear the quack.

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Bullying Policy?

The haste of Sunday evening was upon us.  The girls were home a night early because their dad had an early flight the next morning.  I could hear lively activity from their rooms as they unpacked their clothes from suitcases and tossed heavy text books into backpacks.  Their voices buzzed as they made arrangements for sharing the bathroom.  Then I heard the pound of footsteps going up the stairs.  It was decided.  Someone was heading to the shower.  Good.

As I finished the dishes, I listened. Silence.  But I felt someone was in the room.  I turned around to Sophia, who was then 12 years old, standing in the middle of the kitchen staring at me.  Her creased brow framed vacant eyes.

I said, “Hey! How was play rehearsal?”

She said, “Fine.”

Hearing the word “fine” was my cue to search her face and eyes with increased effort.

I said, “You look like something is on your mind.  What’s up?”

She was two months into being a new student in the public middle school.  A Montessori kid since the age of three, she adjusted to the traditional environment better than I expected.  She hadn’t yet found her friend group, but from what I surmised from our talks, she was working through it with strength and grace.  And I was proud of her for joining the crew for the fall play after auditioning and not getting cast in a role.

 

She replied, “On Friday, at rehearsal, my bag got stolen.”

She looked terrified as she spoke and I thought maybe she was worried I would be angry at her.

Trying to put her at ease, I soothingly said, “That’s a bummer.  I know you didn’t expect that to happen there.”

I surely didn't.

I barely afforded acquiring residence in our upper-middle class neighborhood.  Even though our house was situated in the less-than-desirable northeast corner, with our backyard bordering a precarious part of the city, I was certain of the girls’ safety at school.  Meaning, I am sure someone stealing her bag was not on Sophia’s list of worries each day when she headed to school, nor was it on mine.

She became more disturbed and emotional as she proceeded to tell me what happened:

In order to get some change for the vending machine, Sophia went to the row of seats where she placed her bag at the beginning of rehearsal.  When she couldn’t find her bag, she asked the girl sitting in the next row if she saw it.  The girl replied, “Alice* took it.”

Sophia looked beyond the girl to the theater doors and saw Alice strolling in with her bag. 

Sophia confronted her, Alice handed over the bag, and Sophia examined it, finding all of her snacks missing and her money gone.  Sophia said, “I don’t care about the snacks, but where’s my money?”

Alice said, “Oh. I used it to get a few things from the vending machine.  Here’s your change.”

Alice laughed.

Sophia finished rehearsal, but failed to tell anyone about the incident before leaving.  She didn’t tell her dad.  And she waited until Sunday night to tell me.

Of course, we talked.  And talked.  And talked.  About a lot of stuff.  Especially about telling a teacher when incidents like that happen.  And especially about telling her dad or me whenever she is victimized.

Later that night, once the girls were in bed, I emailed the director to tell of what transpired.  I got an immediate reply explaining that bullying was not tolerated in the department and that the school had a strict policy against it.  I was assured it would be handled.

After I picked up Sophia from rehearsal on Monday, I inquired about how the situation was handled.  Sophia articulated that nothing was mentioned.

Several emails later, all of which were copied to the assistant principal and the principal, I was again assured by the director that the situation would be dealt with.  I expressed my gratitude and my concern for Alice, emphasizing that my intent was not to cause Alice harm, but to make sure she was supported.  In an attempt to create a school/family relationship, I also stressed that I wanted the director to talk to Sophia about speaking up to someone of authority.

After I picked up Sophia from rehearsal on Tuesday, I inquired about how the situation was handled.  She said that Alice was banned from participating in the theater department for the remainder of her school career and also banned from entering the theater until after the play’s run.

But, for the rest of the week, guess who was at rehearsal.

Alice.

She sat quietly in the audience and made no disturbances, but she was there.  She didn’t communicate with Sophia, but she was there.  And the director said nothing to her.  

Where her parents called?  Did they know?  Was Alice saying she was going to rehearsal as usual?  Why was the director passing up an opportunity to lend Alice support by adhering to the guidelines of the consequences?  What about the safety of my daughter?  And why would Sophia speak up in the future if this was how it was handled?  

So much for people of authority.

I went to the school’s website and examined every inch of the official code of conduct.  I became familiar with every step of every procedure relating to bullying incidents and found the school had followed none. 

Then, I noticed a link.

I clicked.  I filled out the lengthy official bullying incident report.  I clicked “submit”.

Less than five minutes later, my phone rang.  It was the assistant principal.  The assistant principal who failed to respond to any of my emails.  The assistant principal who was aware of what was going on and did nothing to support the theater director, the students, or the students’ families.

After the pleasant greetings were over, he said, “Ms. Speranza, are you sure this is the direction you’d like to go with this?”

I said, “I already went in that direction.  The form is submitted, obviously.”

He said, “OK.”

I said, “Please be sure that Alice gets support and that Sophia is given the message to come to people with authority when she needs help.”

He said, “I will.”

I do not know what he did to help Alice.  In order to help Sophia, he came to her fifth period classroom, stood in the doorway, and publicly called her out of class.  Standing in the middle of the hall, he proceeded to give her a brief lecture about getting help.

She was embarrassed, to say the least, and I was put onto her list of evils.

Nice job, AP.

According to the policy handbook, after submitting an official report of bullying, I was to receive a call from the school district and a written follow-up report.  Over a year has passed and I am still waiting for my phone to ring and for an envelope printed with the school district's return address in the upper left hand corner to arrive in the mail. 

Tomorrow, Sophia’s entire middle school is attending a screening of the movie Bully.    

I am a skeptic.  But, I am also grateful.  

They have talks scheduled for after the screening.  I just hope the discussion leaders mention to the kids that just because the families in the film are of low socio-economic status, it doesn't mean rich kids aren’t bullies, too.

*name changed


For information about the film Bully and tips on supporting your child after its viewing visit Bully Movie: See It via Michelle in the Middle.

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photo credit: Eddie~S via photo pin cc

Pros and Cons of Being a Kid

It’s Monday. Time for Monday Listicles brought to you by Stasha, photographer extraordinaire, at The Good Life.  This week’s theme is kids—reasons it’s great to be a child or reasons it is not.  I know I would really enjoy being a kid again.  What about you?  I also know  I really enjoy the Monday Listicles community and I encourage you to check it out and participate.  I mean really, how long does it take to create a list?

Pros and Cons of Being a Child...

Tween... Teen...

Confused Mini-Adult with Toddler Tendencies

Pro: You don’t have to go to work every day.

Con: You have to go to middle school every day.

Pro: You don’t have to do laundry.

Con: Your favorite jeans are never clean the day you want to wear them.

Pro: If your mom feels guilty about your favorite jeans not being clean, you’re most likely going to convince her to get you a glass of milk even though you can get it yourself.

Con: When there is no milk in the refrigerator, you have to wait for someone with cash and wheels to go out and get some.

Pro: You get summers off.

Con: If you act bored during the summer, you’ll be recruited to walk to the store to replenish the milk supply because, “It’s nice outside.”  When you get home, you’ll be recruited to wash the car, clean out closets, and walk the elderly neighbor’s dog.

Pro: You can still get away with playing with your Build-A-Bears.

Con: Your mom blogs about you playing with Build-A-Bears.

Pro: If it's raining, you can contact your mom via your cell and get a ride home after school.

Con: Your mom shows up to pick you up after school in her red plaid jammie pants.

Pro: Your biggest worry is that big math test on Thursday.

Con: Your biggest worries are Friday’s wardrobe decision...who’s going to show up to your party on Saturday...if Mom will get to your laundry on Sunday...Monday’s big zit on the end of your nose...

the big Tuesday surprise of your embarrassing photos from early childhood being posted on Facebook ("MOM, I am totally un-tagging myself!")...

...AND...

wondering on Wednesday if there will ever  

be 

a 

day 

when 

you 

have 

control 

over 

your 

life.

      

 

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High School Reunion, Yay or Nay?

Majorettes (photo credit)

It’s time for Monday Listicles, a weekly blog link up hosted by Stash at A Good Life.  Today, due to a suggestion by Rachel (Totally Ovar It), the Listicles blogging community is exploring the pros and cons of attending your school reunion.  For me, it’s a timely subject to contemplate.  I graduated from high school in 1987.  Put your eyeballs back in your head.  Yes, that’s 25 years ago.  I know it's shocking because I don’t look a day older than 30.  But I'm not sure about attending my 25th high school reunion this summer.  If I had Angelina Jolie’s right leg to take along with me, I might feel better about going.  

Angelina Jolie (photo credit)

Pros and cons for attending my 25^th High School Reunion:

PRO: I am still hot. I could strut my stuff and superficially enhance my self-esteem for a few hours.

CON: I am still hot.  I could be talked about behind my back by jealous former cheerleaders who spent their high school careers doing that very same thing--destroying me with their meanness. 

PRO: I am no longer afraid of bully-type jealous people and could open my heart to forgiveness and thus, become a better person.  Possibly this transformation could lead to me becoming a humanitarian on par with Oprah Winfrey and go on to be awarded the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award at the 90^th Annual Academy Awards.  Do I have to be in a film for that? 

CON: Even though I am friends with many of my classmates on Facebook, I haven’t spoken to anyone since my 10^th reunion in 1997.  At that point in time, I was still drinking and don’t remember much of what transpired during that celebration.  I think maybe my behavior while under the influence has hindered some of my relationships with H.S. folks.  I don’t know and am frightened to find out.

PRO: I no longer drink.  I can leave a much better snapshot in former classmates’ minds than was left for them in 1997 and would not have to return to another reunion in order to clear my reputation.

CON:  Perhaps in my drunkenness during the 10^th reunion, I criticized the chosen location of the party.  I mean really, a bowling alley?  The organizers may be waiting to beat me up or throw gum in my hair.

PRO: I can take in the loveliness of the reunion venue and my former classmates with sober, clear eyes.  This could be considered a CON, I am not sure.

Me, 1987, center right

CON: With the exception of marching band and a handful of people, I really hated high school.  I don’t see the point in reliving the torture of my four years of life spent as a confused and scared high school girl.  Really, I don’t.

PRO: Last I saw, the venue for the reunion may be at the casino.  I could win the jackpot and use my winnings to fix up my house, get a new car, and finally fit in among the wealthy people in my 2.5 square mile insulated community.  Maybe I’d even move south of Broad Street, but I doubt it.

CON:  My Alma Mater is two hours away by car.  Gas costs money.  That would be money I would rather spend on tickets to the Forecastle Festival which is during the same month, and tickets for Madonna’s concert taking place in Cleveland in November.  

Do you have a reunion coming up?  Will you attend?

Enter Stage Right: Mom's Growing Pains

My little one danced around the living room in her dress-up attire, freely feeling the music, and allowing it to move her into a frenzy of expression.  She sang along to the track, hitting the pitch of each note, allowing the world to hear her voice.  After months of this, I took action and enrolled her in music lessons.  I contemplated dance lessons with careful scrutiny because as a former dancer, I knew the demise of self-esteem that is brought on by staring in the mirror for 8 hours a day.  Yet, I found a top notch dance studio, and enrolled her in a creative dance class.

She loved it.  But then came November and pending auditions for the Nutcracker. I overheard parents talking about the potential for their four year old daughters being cast as mice or soldiers and their disdain for the chosen Mouse King from last year’s production.  At that moment, I decided she would not be in the environment of the performing arts.

In lieu of dance, over the years, there were piano lessons, voice lessons, and guitar lessons--not anything serious and performances were for "fun".  And there were stories I told, per her request, about my experiences as a dancer in the theater.  One summer, she begged to do an acting camp.  For the culminating production, she landed the role of the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland.

I thought it was a strange casting choice.  She was short and sweet and I could not envision her becoming a lunatic royal who enjoyed ordering those who crossed her to be beheaded.  But when I first heard her shout, "Off with their heads!" I knew.  She was a natural performer.

Most parents would have been thrilled with the discovery of their child’s talent.  And I was.  But I was also terrified.  I was transported back to a time when I would cry hidden away in bathrooms, hearing others talk terribly about me if I got a role they wanted.  The pressure to do it better, be better, look better.  The uncertainty of knowing whether or not the director would like me enough to cast me in a role.

I could not let my fear keep her from exploring her interest and developing her craft.

Last year she was excited to audition for what was, in her eyes, her first legitimate production--the middle school fall play.  She didn’t get cast and there was a flood of tears.

I said, “I am proud of you for having the courage to do the audition.  Focus on what you learned.”  And I encouraged her to join the crew.

In the winter, she auditioned for the middle school musical.  I was so nervous for her.  She had some voice training, but not anything that would prepare her for the stress and expectations of an audition.  She landed a spot in the chorus, performed well and had a great time.

It was, however, difficult for her to deal with the intense emotions felt the morning after the final performance.  I knew from experience that the end of a show’s run felt like the death of a friend--intense grief.  I honored her feelings, comforted her, and tried to distract her with a walk and baking cookies.  The exercise and sweet treats alleviated some of her sadness and life soon returned to normal.

I sighed with relief. No more performing until next year.

Next year arrived and she auditioned for the fall play.  She was cast in a supporting role and performed well.  It was wonderful to see her understand that she was, over time, improving.

She accepted that learning a craft takes time and involves growth.  She embraced her process.  And the grief brought on by the close of the show did not last long.  Auditions for the winter musical, Once Upon a Mattress, were in one day.

From the crew, to the chorus, to a supporting role.  Next?

When the cast list was posted online the night after call-backs, she screamed from her room, “I GOT THE LEAD!”

I was so confused.  I ran in and said, “I thought you auditioned to be Winnifred.” 

She said, “I did.  Winnifred is the LEAD!”

I was stunned, proud, excited, relieved, thrilled, and scared.

I had questions.  Would she turn into a diva?  Could she pull this off?  How much support could I give before I turned into a stage mother?

She worked very hard.  Rehearsals went late into the night and she kept up with her academic responsibilities.  She was humble and a cast member, not a diva.  She worked diligently on her vocal techniques and responded to acting direction well.

She was deep down to the bone beautiful during the entire rehearsal process.

Last night, Once Upon A Mattress opened.  I was blown away by her performance.

She was funny.  I know this because I heard others laughing.  Her vocal performances were stellar.  I know this because of the intensity of others clapping.  She not only was believable as Princess Winnifred the Woebegone, she was Winnifred the Woebegone.  I know this from the others around me who stood up onto their feet when she ran out from the wings for her curtain call.

As I write this, I struggle to find the words to appropriately express my wonderment and my fear.  I do not even understand the depths of what I am feeling.

What I do know is that there are three more performances.  I will do as I always do:  make sure she gets a good meal before the performance, help her with her hair and make-up, and remind her of the importance of warming her voice up properly.   

I will keep in mind that my struggles and fears are not hers.

And I will also make sure I continue to say these two things as she jumps out of the car before running into the school for the cast’s call time:

“Have a great time.  I love you.”

Sophia's February performance run in Once Upon a Mattress was a phenomenal experience.  She is now enrolled in private voice lessons and taking it very seriously.  She has helped the grade school theater students as a crew member during their play and has been asked to be a small part of the high school spring musical playing a child in Beauty and the Beast.  I couldn't be more excited and proud of her.  And I couldn't be more grateful to have such a wonderful community of bloggers to share this with--thank you yeah writers!


photo credit: slimmer_jimmer via photopin cc

Need to Graph Screen Time? Use Chartle!

Chartle has a short demonstration video on its home page.

In Why Ed Tech is Not Just for Teachers, I explained my enthusiasm for following educational technology blogs, news, and tweets.  Educational technology applications are well suited for families.  Many Web 2.0 tools can be used to track family spending, to create timelines or infographics preserving family events, or to share with your children while they are online which fosters the development media literacy skills.

One of the many Twitter users I follow in the category of Ed Tech is HP Teacher Experience Exchange—a free Web 2.0 professional development community for educators. And what are parents?  Educators! Recently HP Teacher Exchange tweeted a link to their tutorial on Chartle, a great Web 2.0 site that offers tools to easily create charts and graphs.

I like Chartle because it is very easy to use.  Once you arrive at the home page, click “Create” which takes you to an impressive and easy to use interface that displays the types of graphs you can choose to make. You can choose from: bar graphs, pie charts, line graphs, maps, plots, diagrams, and dynamic charts. Select the type you’d like to create and fill in the fields with the information you want your graph to display.  You can change the number of sections, colors, field directions, etc. 

Choosing Labels for Pie Chart

When you have your graph or chart completed, click “publish” which saves your creation to Chartle’s gallery.  There you can bookmark the link or copy the HTML code to embed your creation into your website.

Saving to Chartle's Gallery

So what can families do with Chartle?  Here’s some ideas:

Create a Pie Chart depicting how family members use their time. 

I created a colorful pie chart showing how I spend my time during a 24 hour period.  It is embedded  at the bottom of my site, Sperk*.  You can also find it via the link here:  My Daily Activities.  This is a great activity for kids who need support in time management.  (It also is a fun tool for math practice in the area of calculating percentages).  Once your child sees how he spends his time, he can work to spend less or more time where needed.  As he makes adjustments in his time management, he can create another pie chart.  Seeing the areas of the pie chart expand or decrease can be an exciting motivator.

 

Create a Bar Graph depicting screen time usage.

This is a great tool for families who have resolved to cut down on screen time in 2012.  Track each member of the family’s screen time, create a bar graph on Chartle, and email everyone in the home the link to the chart, or embed it into the family’s web page.  As screen time decreases, it is easy to create another chart based on the original by clicking “Create [ a new Chartle based on this one ].”  I created a fictional one based on a family of four that wants to track time spent watching television, using the computer, and playing Wii.  You can find it in Chartle's gallery here: Screen Time 

Create an O-Meter depicting amount of work completed for a project.

Teaching your child how to create an O-Meter for her school project may be just the thing to spark her enthusiasm in a less thank favorite subject.  I created one for a fictional science project.  I based it on a project containing five components: researching, essay writing, creating and inserting graphs/photos (which can be easily done with Chartle), composing reference page, and proof reading.  My O-Meter can be found in the Chartle gallery here: Science Project Completion Meter

Selecting Font Color for O-Meter

The O-Meter can also be used to track progress for a personal goal in a school fundraiser or for the amount of money needed to be saved for that new gaming device!

What are some other ways your family can use Chartle?

Zipper Binders and Braids

Heading into the weekend without an itinerary leaves opportunities for me to shift roles from task manager to parent.  The down time offers moments void of activity that foster the emergence of my daughters' true personalities.  This is a joy and gift, but sometimes can be overwhelming.  I have read that kids change in adolescence and become unable to listen and respond in a sensible way.  But I never thought my girls would actually exhibit this behavior as they morph into teenagers.

During a middle school orientation, the principal explained to parents that our children would lose things, forget things, and basically become unrecognizable.  I thought, “Sophia won’t.  She’s very organized, conscientious, and diligent at keeping up with things.”

Not long into the school year I began to hear, “I forgot my notebook in my locker or maybe it’s at Dad’s.  I don’t know, but I can’t even do the assignment anyway because the teacher hasn’t posted it on Power School.”

It was happening.  The principal's prophecy was coming true.  And it continues.

Sixth and seventh grade science classes seemed to be no problem for Sophia.  Eighth grade has been different.  Two weeks ago, after she explained to me she had to retake another test for mastery, I asked her how she studied for the tests.  She pulled out a folder stuffed with papers of several different scientific themes arranged in a motley mess.  

Then I asked if she kept a notebook, and she replied, “Yes.  I use one for every subject.”

I replied, “You mean you have a single notebook designated for each subject?”

She responded, “No.  I mean I use one notebook for everything.”

The notebook wasn’t even organized by subject or date.  No headings.  No sign of structure to be found.

I was puzzled for I now had no clue what was going on in that other note keeping device--that giant pink zipper-binder that is toted to and from school every day.  I guess it doesn't contain anything that is needed for studying.  Is it some sort of new fashion trend?

Not to fuel any sibling rivalry, I do have stories about Antonia that add to my astonishment.  I am saving them for later and I am sure more will emerge as we stumble through the next two days--the weekend.  These are the hours in which I can let go of task managing and become reacquainted with these young women who are testing the waters of independence.

Sometimes it’s scary to think they’ll have to navigate through life without me someday.  Until then, I will continue to tuck them in at night.  I will still braid their hair when they ask.  And I will always drive to school to retrieve forgotten notebooks.

Murky Monday

Mondays are typically awkward for the mere fact that weekends are too short.  I just get used to a more free-form schedule and the alarm goes off. 6:00 a.m. “What day is it?”  Oh yes, the murkiness that infiltrates my brain signifies it is Monday. Back to the rigid schedule. Up early to support children in their efforts to independently get ready for school.  The daze and confusion usually dissipates by the time they get out the door on their way to school.

I have worked persistently at encouraging them to do for themselves what they can.  Of course, Dr. Maria Montessori was correct when she said, “Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.”  This includes supporting them in doing the stuff in the morning routine on their own.  I always get up with them.  A parent’s presence is very impactful to the child.  But I will not do things they can do for themselves.

Except for today.  They have had sore throats and ear aches for a week.  Today they crawled out of their beds looking like they belonged back in their beds.  I brought Antonia her breakfast to her in bed.  Assured Sophia that if she can’t get through theater rehearsal, it would not be the end of the world.  I emailed the director of the musical explaining the sickness and asked what Sophia should do.  Sophia seemed relieved by this.  She also seemed relieved when I said I would make her a doctor’s appointment and get her out of school to attend.  Antonia is going, too.  They both WANT to see the doctor which makes me wonder if I should have taken them last week.

I had big plans for today.  Integrating new tools for organizing the week so that we operate more smoothly around here.  But, as it turns out, it will be somewhat normal today.  Taking it as it comes or flying by the seat of my pants. 

Tomorrow I’ll let go of the old clichés.  Possibly while the girls are home getting well.  And without the murky Monday brain.

Proper end. Right Direction.

College degree can now be checked off the list.  Before I begin obsessing over the slew of things to accomplish now that I finished my post-secondary education, I am going to take a second and embrace this moment.  Yes, celebrating life’s accomplishments is important.  And this is a big one.  But, for me, the celebration encompasses more than getting a degree.  It’s about a proper ending.

My first attempt at completing my post-secondary education was messy and “happened” to me.  It was typical to any confused person in their early 20’s possessing no grasp of how the world works or how one’s actions influence the workings of the world.  Of course, I didn’t complete the degree.  

And looking back, really, I do not recall many, if any, successfully executed endings to, well, anything. 

I never broke up with a boyfriend by saying to him, “I want to break-up.”  I would leave my journal out, hope my boyfriend would read, “I can’t stand him,” and get the message.  Or, I would stop answering calls.  Or, in junior high, I would send a friend to dispatch communication scribbled on a torn piece of notebook paper.   

Whether it was a relationship or pursuit of a degree, what was certain was that the end brought sadness, loss and the stress of embarking upon something new and unfamiliar.

But I have learned during my 42 years of walking on this great planet that once success is experienced, or the fear is conquered, the fear ceases to exist.
 

Now, armed that elusive proper ending, which has come in the form of a college degree, I know that endings also brings joy, exhilaration, excitement and fire for embarking upon something new and courage to face the unfamiliar.

What’s next?

Let’s reflect.

I turned in assignments for my last class on Saturday at 12:35 a.m.  That afternoon and evening, I researched and applied for jobs.  I made note of grad school and technical school options.  

Today I caught up with my oldest to help her with some study and note-taking strategies.  I researched such teen issues as dating, online behavior, and brain development . . . went over my finances to figure out how Santa will acquire gifts . . . made a plan to get the house cleaned-up . . .

I am looking forward to incorporating exercise back into my day, journaling, reading for pleasure, and finishing up some projects around here . . . dogs could use a consistent daily routine. . . fade out.

. . lights up. . . new beginning in the making. . .

A Morning in the Life

Day two of the “About Me” blogging exercise.  Routine and rituals are important for kids.  I thought if you had a glimpse of our morning routine, complete with most rituals, you’d get to know Sperk* a bit better.  Here’s a timeline:

6:00 a.m.             

• Open Eyes, check to see if breathing, if yes, continue
• Make Sophia breakfast which consists of a Balance Bar and a cup of 2% milk

                            

6:15 a.m.               

• Wake Sophia 
• Sit across the table from Sophia, both have our laptops, and discuss what we have found interesting online 
• Play Fashion Story, WordFeud, and Words with Friends
• Check Twitter, read articles and blogs of interest, save thought-provoking items in Diigo
• Check Cozi Family Calendar

                     

                             

                   

 6:45 a.m.              

• Sophia gets ready for school
• Open Spotify
• Pack Sophia's lunch which usually consists of a sandwich with processed meat, cheese, and mustard; apples (sometimes strawberries); carrots; a bag of chips; and a Horizon Organic Chocolate milk

 

7:00 a.m.              

• Tend to Sophia’s wardrobe, chore, and after school requests/needs
• Let dogs out. (Bexley has an ordinance wherein residents cannot have barking dogs out before 7am or I would do it sooner)

7:15 a.m.              

• Make Antonia’s breakfast (same as Sophia’s)
• Let dogs in

7:25 a.m.              

• Wake Antonia 

 

7:30 a.m.               

• Drive one mile with Sophia in passenger seat of car. Drop her at BMS.

7:35 a.m.             

• Home. Listen to Antonia’s complaints which usually consist of, “I am tired, I have a headache, and my nose is stuffy," because she is usually tired and is allergic to our Chihuahuas
• Let dogs out (they have tiny bladders)

7:45 a.m.              

• Encourage Antonia to get ready for school
• Pack her lunch (Same as Sophia's)
• Let Dogs in
• Play Fashion Story, WordFeud, Words with Friends; fold laundry (if necessary), Tweet, read something online and share to Twitter or email via Shareaholic           

8:20 a.m.              

• Yell to Antonia’s bedroom that she has to be at school in five minutes

8:25 a.m. 

• Frantically put Antonia’s lunchbox into her backpack that she carries from her room once she emerges

                            

 8:26 a.m.               

• Yell things like “I love you!” and “Have a great day!” very loudly out the door to Antonia as she walks down the street heading towards school

 8:25 a.m.               

•  Let dogs out