What Do Your Kids Know about Election 2012?

After school, I noticed the sticker on my daughter’s sweatshirt and said, “You voted today?”

She explained that other than the presidential candidates, she wasn't familiar with anything else on the ballot in the 7th grade mock presidential election, so she simply voted along party lines and guessed on the issues.  Then she asked me if the president will be chosen by “. . . who has the most votes. . .”?

Although I was pleased that her humanities teacher used the upcoming election as an opportunity for students to experience the process of voting, I thought there were missed opportunities.  I wonder how many Americans know the answer to my daughter's question about the electoral process?  One of our country's biggest problems is an uninformed and/or misinformed electorate.  If we merely show up to the polls and vote based on the information we obtain through campaign ads, we are doing ourselves a disservice.  If we show up and vote party loyal, this is also a disservice. We should not pass this behavior to our children and with information right at our fingertips, we can do better.

My daughter and I spent about an hour talking about the Electoral College, the campaign ads we were being inundated with on the popular radio station she had streaming on her iPod, and how to find out about the rest of the candidates and issues on the ballot.  We didn't get to everything, but she has a better understanding of how things will happen on Tuesday.  (Now, if I could just convince her to join me at Nationwide Arena to see President Obama with Bruce Springsteen on Monday.  She’s more interested in accompanying me to our polling place on Tuesday which will be less crowded.  Smart kid.)

Here are two great sites that will help with talking to your kids about the election.    

Helping Kids Understand the Election

Helping Kids Understand the Election

A special section at PBS Parents provides the basics and can be used for younger through school aged children.  If gives easy to understand answers to questions your children may be asking (Are political parties like birthday parties?) and includes activities like printing your own campaign poster.  This site is appealing to younger children and the information is great for school age children who are just starting to learn about the election.

Election 2012 at Scholastic

Election 2012 - Scholastic

Like the PBS Parents site, Election 2012 from Scholastic has easy to understand explanations and activities.  It also has an interactive map of the Electoral College and On the Road to the White House which tests your knowledge of the political system is one of many great games.  You'll find many articles including information on the Swing States, meeting the candidates, and understanding election vocabulary.  What I enjoy about the Scholastic site is that there are articles written by kids--The Scholastic Kids Press Corps. There is even an interview with the president conducted by student reporters.  This site will keep the attention of school age children and with just a little coaxing to get past the "kid" look of the site, will keep the interest of and be challenging for your young teen.

If  after you've spent time doing all the fun activities on the above sites your older child or teen is still interested in the election, look over sites that are specific to party interests helping him/her identify statements and images that are used to sway voters' opinions.  Then, look up the facts!  In fact, this may be the way to start a discussion with your teen.  It uses media they have already been exposed to on television and online.

How do you talk to your kids about the election?

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She Must Get A's

Bad grades=bad self-esteem

Good grades=good self-esteem

Good grades do not necessarily indicate learning or becoming a better person, or growing.

In the world of a teen, where everything is rapidly changing, where coming home from school should mean time off to relax, regroup, and recharge, teens are required to do homework so that they can get good grades.

That homework takes hours.

When do teens exercise?

PE has been removed from the curriculum for more academics.

Lack of physical activity does not help the performance of the brain, it hinders it.

Lack of physical activity also sabotages the outcome of the state mandated BMI tests.

It is recommended students be in extra-curricular activities.  These improve the chances of students performing well, academically.

The extra-curricular activities take time away from homework which is a requirement in order to receive good grades.

When should teens socialize?

What if they aren’t interested in the history of the Ming Dynasty?

My teen is struggling.

She’s smart.

She can do the work.

I do not know where her mind is when she is studying.

I do not know how to help her without hovering over her as she stares at a book that she recently stared at in class.

Maybe it’s time to choreograph song and dance numbers composed of World Studies facts.

Maybe it’s time to tell her she must put a hold on growing up.  There are A’s that need to be seen on her transcript.

How do I tell her it's not her fault, it's not her teacher's fault?

How do I not feel it is my fault?

How do I tell her I will not have the ability to change the educational system in America before she graduates from high school?

Learning we must do things we do not want to do may be the hardest lesson to learn.

If she can master that, she'll have it made.

 

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Looks Like It, Smells Like It, Must Be Parent Orientation

In the fall, my younger daughter will be attending the local middle school--the same school my older daughter has attended for the past two years.  Last night, even though I know a bit about what goes on during the 7th and 8th grade years, I attended the parent information meeting for incoming middle school students.  

Having insight due to experience is not always great.  It can lead to being able to smell bull-shit from more than a mile away.

Below I've listed a few points that I hope the administration will consider before holding their next parent orientation meeting. If action is taken for the better, it is possible that I may acquire some enthusiasm for witnessing my second daughter enter that most tumultuous right-of-passage we like to call middle school.

1) Late Arrivals to the Meeting:

When a parent shows up more than 15 minutes late, sits down before realizing she doesn't have the handouts, gets up to retrieve the hand-outs and disrupts the meeting for the third time as she returns to her seat, please stop talking.  I can’t hear you and I am very distracted by her need to wear short shorts to a parent meeting.

2) Academic Program Information:

If an academic program is significant enough to include in the informational meeting, please do not use acronyms to describe its various aspects.  Some of us are not familiar with what the acronyms stand for.

3) Handheld Devices:

When telling us about your student handheld device policy, which includes how you will confiscate them if they become distracting, please make sure the parents around me have stopped texting on their iPhones and actually hear you.

4) Teacher Web Pages:

Please check with teachers before telling us that their Web pages will be full of informative tidbits concerning what is going on in the classroom.  A majority of the faculty fails to post content, and if they do, they fail to update content past the first week of school.

5) Appeal for PTO Volunteers:

Inform the president of the PTO that saying, “You'll want to know which kids invite your child to their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs," is not going to compel me to volunteer in the school.

6) School Trip Funding:

Please do not tell us that in lieu of hiring an educational student tour company, the assistant-principle organized the entire Washington D.C. trip himself in order to save money.  Our property taxes are extraordinarily high and I purchased enough cookie dough and wrapping paper from the PTO fundraisers to hire a tour company myself. 

7) Athletics:

When telling us to check the athletic department’s website for information on sports, be sure to first try navigating the site yourself.  It’s confusing.

8) Facebook:

Telling us that our children’s behavior on Facebook is "worse than what we think" does not scare uninvolved parents into looking at their kid’s Facebook pages.  It just doesn't.  Those parents probably aren't at the meeting.

Saying, “Facebook only becomes my problem if it keeps a student from coming to school due to embarrassment," and "What kids do during non-school hours is not my problem,” is terribly misguided.  The kids are on Facebook while they are in the school building, during school hours.  They post updates all day long.  And if you take a look at the way students are socializing during lunch after they've eaten, they are not talking and playing ball.  They are nose-down into their handhelds updating Facebook.  It IS your problem.   It’s OUR problem.  Consider us working together on creating a social media strategy that works both at home and at school.

9) Dress Code:

“I know there are really cute outfits out there available for girls.  But if someone shows up wearing something they’d wear out on a Friday night, you’ll hear from me.”

As far as policy goes, this is subjective, relative and vague.  What do you think a 13 year old wears out on a Friday night?  And where are they wearing it?  At a sleep-over?  Our ideas about Friday night attire for the middle school girl are apparently different.

“How students dress for school is a decision to be made between students and their parents.”  

This is nice in theory, however, have you looked at your students' Facebook pictures?  They wear that stuff to school! Are you actually in the school?  I know you are, but you can't be because you'd then see that some parents and students have decided that booty shorts are appropriate academic wear.  I'm so confused.

Additionally, kids are in school for a majority of the day--more than they are at home.  Don't you think the adolescent brain could use some developmental support while away from the nagging voice of their parents?   Your lack of interest in maintaining standards for a school dress code indicates you lack interest in students'  growth outside the realm of academics.

Not only could my kid use your support, I could, too.  You're the professional and you probably came across the topic of adolescent development in your studies to become an educator.  Have you heard of parent education?  The most information you ever sent home regarding the emotional development of my child came as a reminder that she needed sleep and a healthy breakfast due to an upcoming achievement test.  I suppose the other days I should send her to bed at midnight and feed her Cracker Jacks in the morning?  Scoring high on the OAA only gets a person so far in life and only looks good for the school on paper, or as data.  How your students dress and act are more reflective of the school district than the score card published by the state's Department of Education.

Lastly, what if Susie Smith’s parents don’t care what she wears?  Are you to allow her to attempt navigating through clothing decisions on her own?  During adolescence?  When she's toying with her identity?  You think she'll outgrow the need to base her self-esteem on being sexually attractive?  Well, then.  You must not have seen the short shorts on the mom who arrived late to the parent orientation.  See point number one for further information.  

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Bullying Policy?

The haste of Sunday evening was upon us.  The girls were home a night early because their dad had an early flight the next morning.  I could hear lively activity from their rooms as they unpacked their clothes from suitcases and tossed heavy text books into backpacks.  Their voices buzzed as they made arrangements for sharing the bathroom.  Then I heard the pound of footsteps going up the stairs.  It was decided.  Someone was heading to the shower.  Good.

As I finished the dishes, I listened. Silence.  But I felt someone was in the room.  I turned around to Sophia, who was then 12 years old, standing in the middle of the kitchen staring at me.  Her creased brow framed vacant eyes.

I said, “Hey! How was play rehearsal?”

She said, “Fine.”

Hearing the word “fine” was my cue to search her face and eyes with increased effort.

I said, “You look like something is on your mind.  What’s up?”

She was two months into being a new student in the public middle school.  A Montessori kid since the age of three, she adjusted to the traditional environment better than I expected.  She hadn’t yet found her friend group, but from what I surmised from our talks, she was working through it with strength and grace.  And I was proud of her for joining the crew for the fall play after auditioning and not getting cast in a role.

 

She replied, “On Friday, at rehearsal, my bag got stolen.”

She looked terrified as she spoke and I thought maybe she was worried I would be angry at her.

Trying to put her at ease, I soothingly said, “That’s a bummer.  I know you didn’t expect that to happen there.”

I surely didn't.

I barely afforded acquiring residence in our upper-middle class neighborhood.  Even though our house was situated in the less-than-desirable northeast corner, with our backyard bordering a precarious part of the city, I was certain of the girls’ safety at school.  Meaning, I am sure someone stealing her bag was not on Sophia’s list of worries each day when she headed to school, nor was it on mine.

She became more disturbed and emotional as she proceeded to tell me what happened:

In order to get some change for the vending machine, Sophia went to the row of seats where she placed her bag at the beginning of rehearsal.  When she couldn’t find her bag, she asked the girl sitting in the next row if she saw it.  The girl replied, “Alice* took it.”

Sophia looked beyond the girl to the theater doors and saw Alice strolling in with her bag. 

Sophia confronted her, Alice handed over the bag, and Sophia examined it, finding all of her snacks missing and her money gone.  Sophia said, “I don’t care about the snacks, but where’s my money?”

Alice said, “Oh. I used it to get a few things from the vending machine.  Here’s your change.”

Alice laughed.

Sophia finished rehearsal, but failed to tell anyone about the incident before leaving.  She didn’t tell her dad.  And she waited until Sunday night to tell me.

Of course, we talked.  And talked.  And talked.  About a lot of stuff.  Especially about telling a teacher when incidents like that happen.  And especially about telling her dad or me whenever she is victimized.

Later that night, once the girls were in bed, I emailed the director to tell of what transpired.  I got an immediate reply explaining that bullying was not tolerated in the department and that the school had a strict policy against it.  I was assured it would be handled.

After I picked up Sophia from rehearsal on Monday, I inquired about how the situation was handled.  Sophia articulated that nothing was mentioned.

Several emails later, all of which were copied to the assistant principal and the principal, I was again assured by the director that the situation would be dealt with.  I expressed my gratitude and my concern for Alice, emphasizing that my intent was not to cause Alice harm, but to make sure she was supported.  In an attempt to create a school/family relationship, I also stressed that I wanted the director to talk to Sophia about speaking up to someone of authority.

After I picked up Sophia from rehearsal on Tuesday, I inquired about how the situation was handled.  She said that Alice was banned from participating in the theater department for the remainder of her school career and also banned from entering the theater until after the play’s run.

But, for the rest of the week, guess who was at rehearsal.

Alice.

She sat quietly in the audience and made no disturbances, but she was there.  She didn’t communicate with Sophia, but she was there.  And the director said nothing to her.  

Where her parents called?  Did they know?  Was Alice saying she was going to rehearsal as usual?  Why was the director passing up an opportunity to lend Alice support by adhering to the guidelines of the consequences?  What about the safety of my daughter?  And why would Sophia speak up in the future if this was how it was handled?  

So much for people of authority.

I went to the school’s website and examined every inch of the official code of conduct.  I became familiar with every step of every procedure relating to bullying incidents and found the school had followed none. 

Then, I noticed a link.

I clicked.  I filled out the lengthy official bullying incident report.  I clicked “submit”.

Less than five minutes later, my phone rang.  It was the assistant principal.  The assistant principal who failed to respond to any of my emails.  The assistant principal who was aware of what was going on and did nothing to support the theater director, the students, or the students’ families.

After the pleasant greetings were over, he said, “Ms. Speranza, are you sure this is the direction you’d like to go with this?”

I said, “I already went in that direction.  The form is submitted, obviously.”

He said, “OK.”

I said, “Please be sure that Alice gets support and that Sophia is given the message to come to people with authority when she needs help.”

He said, “I will.”

I do not know what he did to help Alice.  In order to help Sophia, he came to her fifth period classroom, stood in the doorway, and publicly called her out of class.  Standing in the middle of the hall, he proceeded to give her a brief lecture about getting help.

She was embarrassed, to say the least, and I was put onto her list of evils.

Nice job, AP.

According to the policy handbook, after submitting an official report of bullying, I was to receive a call from the school district and a written follow-up report.  Over a year has passed and I am still waiting for my phone to ring and for an envelope printed with the school district's return address in the upper left hand corner to arrive in the mail. 

Tomorrow, Sophia’s entire middle school is attending a screening of the movie Bully.    

I am a skeptic.  But, I am also grateful.  

They have talks scheduled for after the screening.  I just hope the discussion leaders mention to the kids that just because the families in the film are of low socio-economic status, it doesn't mean rich kids aren’t bullies, too.

*name changed


For information about the film Bully and tips on supporting your child after its viewing visit Bully Movie: See It via Michelle in the Middle.

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Pros and Cons of Being a Kid

It’s Monday. Time for Monday Listicles brought to you by Stasha, photographer extraordinaire, at The Good Life.  This week’s theme is kids—reasons it’s great to be a child or reasons it is not.  I know I would really enjoy being a kid again.  What about you?  I also know  I really enjoy the Monday Listicles community and I encourage you to check it out and participate.  I mean really, how long does it take to create a list?

Pros and Cons of Being a Child...

Tween... Teen...

Confused Mini-Adult with Toddler Tendencies

Pro: You don’t have to go to work every day.

Con: You have to go to middle school every day.

Pro: You don’t have to do laundry.

Con: Your favorite jeans are never clean the day you want to wear them.

Pro: If your mom feels guilty about your favorite jeans not being clean, you’re most likely going to convince her to get you a glass of milk even though you can get it yourself.

Con: When there is no milk in the refrigerator, you have to wait for someone with cash and wheels to go out and get some.

Pro: You get summers off.

Con: If you act bored during the summer, you’ll be recruited to walk to the store to replenish the milk supply because, “It’s nice outside.”  When you get home, you’ll be recruited to wash the car, clean out closets, and walk the elderly neighbor’s dog.

Pro: You can still get away with playing with your Build-A-Bears.

Con: Your mom blogs about you playing with Build-A-Bears.

Pro: If it's raining, you can contact your mom via your cell and get a ride home after school.

Con: Your mom shows up to pick you up after school in her red plaid jammie pants.

Pro: Your biggest worry is that big math test on Thursday.

Con: Your biggest worries are Friday’s wardrobe decision...who’s going to show up to your party on Saturday...if Mom will get to your laundry on Sunday...Monday’s big zit on the end of your nose...

the big Tuesday surprise of your embarrassing photos from early childhood being posted on Facebook ("MOM, I am totally un-tagging myself!")...

...AND...

wondering on Wednesday if there will ever  

be 

a 

day 

when 

you 

have 

control 

over 

your 

life.

      

 

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Enter Stage Right: Mom's Growing Pains

My little one danced around the living room in her dress-up attire, freely feeling the music, and allowing it to move her into a frenzy of expression.  She sang along to the track, hitting the pitch of each note, allowing the world to hear her voice.  After months of this, I took action and enrolled her in music lessons.  I contemplated dance lessons with careful scrutiny because as a former dancer, I knew the demise of self-esteem that is brought on by staring in the mirror for 8 hours a day.  Yet, I found a top notch dance studio, and enrolled her in a creative dance class.

She loved it.  But then came November and pending auditions for the Nutcracker. I overheard parents talking about the potential for their four year old daughters being cast as mice or soldiers and their disdain for the chosen Mouse King from last year’s production.  At that moment, I decided she would not be in the environment of the performing arts.

In lieu of dance, over the years, there were piano lessons, voice lessons, and guitar lessons--not anything serious and performances were for "fun".  And there were stories I told, per her request, about my experiences as a dancer in the theater.  One summer, she begged to do an acting camp.  For the culminating production, she landed the role of the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland.

I thought it was a strange casting choice.  She was short and sweet and I could not envision her becoming a lunatic royal who enjoyed ordering those who crossed her to be beheaded.  But when I first heard her shout, "Off with their heads!" I knew.  She was a natural performer.

Most parents would have been thrilled with the discovery of their child’s talent.  And I was.  But I was also terrified.  I was transported back to a time when I would cry hidden away in bathrooms, hearing others talk terribly about me if I got a role they wanted.  The pressure to do it better, be better, look better.  The uncertainty of knowing whether or not the director would like me enough to cast me in a role.

I could not let my fear keep her from exploring her interest and developing her craft.

Last year she was excited to audition for what was, in her eyes, her first legitimate production--the middle school fall play.  She didn’t get cast and there was a flood of tears.

I said, “I am proud of you for having the courage to do the audition.  Focus on what you learned.”  And I encouraged her to join the crew.

In the winter, she auditioned for the middle school musical.  I was so nervous for her.  She had some voice training, but not anything that would prepare her for the stress and expectations of an audition.  She landed a spot in the chorus, performed well and had a great time.

It was, however, difficult for her to deal with the intense emotions felt the morning after the final performance.  I knew from experience that the end of a show’s run felt like the death of a friend--intense grief.  I honored her feelings, comforted her, and tried to distract her with a walk and baking cookies.  The exercise and sweet treats alleviated some of her sadness and life soon returned to normal.

I sighed with relief. No more performing until next year.

Next year arrived and she auditioned for the fall play.  She was cast in a supporting role and performed well.  It was wonderful to see her understand that she was, over time, improving.

She accepted that learning a craft takes time and involves growth.  She embraced her process.  And the grief brought on by the close of the show did not last long.  Auditions for the winter musical, Once Upon a Mattress, were in one day.

From the crew, to the chorus, to a supporting role.  Next?

When the cast list was posted online the night after call-backs, she screamed from her room, “I GOT THE LEAD!”

I was so confused.  I ran in and said, “I thought you auditioned to be Winnifred.” 

She said, “I did.  Winnifred is the LEAD!”

I was stunned, proud, excited, relieved, thrilled, and scared.

I had questions.  Would she turn into a diva?  Could she pull this off?  How much support could I give before I turned into a stage mother?

She worked very hard.  Rehearsals went late into the night and she kept up with her academic responsibilities.  She was humble and a cast member, not a diva.  She worked diligently on her vocal techniques and responded to acting direction well.

She was deep down to the bone beautiful during the entire rehearsal process.

Last night, Once Upon A Mattress opened.  I was blown away by her performance.

She was funny.  I know this because I heard others laughing.  Her vocal performances were stellar.  I know this because of the intensity of others clapping.  She not only was believable as Princess Winnifred the Woebegone, she was Winnifred the Woebegone.  I know this from the others around me who stood up onto their feet when she ran out from the wings for her curtain call.

As I write this, I struggle to find the words to appropriately express my wonderment and my fear.  I do not even understand the depths of what I am feeling.

What I do know is that there are three more performances.  I will do as I always do:  make sure she gets a good meal before the performance, help her with her hair and make-up, and remind her of the importance of warming her voice up properly.   

I will keep in mind that my struggles and fears are not hers.

And I will also make sure I continue to say these two things as she jumps out of the car before running into the school for the cast’s call time:

“Have a great time.  I love you.”

Sophia's February performance run in Once Upon a Mattress was a phenomenal experience.  She is now enrolled in private voice lessons and taking it very seriously.  She has helped the grade school theater students as a crew member during their play and has been asked to be a small part of the high school spring musical playing a child in Beauty and the Beast.  I couldn't be more excited and proud of her.  And I couldn't be more grateful to have such a wonderful community of bloggers to share this with--thank you yeah writers!


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Save It for Later Saturday: Empowering Your Princess

In Save It for Later Saturday you’re getting a brief run-down of the stand-outs from my week's "Read Later" list.  This week, like last week, please replace the word Saturday with Monday.  I thought about skipping my weekly recap all together due to its lateness.  However, my penchant for perseverance will not allow it to be.  Reality, though, is an unavoidable nuisance, and I must tend to other Monday duties.  So this week’s Save It for Later Saturday is brief.

I wouldn’t call myself a feminist of the stereotypical kind, but I am very passionate about female empowerment.  When I came across this article shared by @DrPriceMitchell, I knew it would be one I would include in this week’s review.  In 10 Wonderful Quotes from Women, Dennis E. Coats, Ph.D. give us his favorite quotes from famous females after acknowledging that, “Women raised the family. Men went out into the world, got educated and went to work. And so it has been mostly the voices of men that were recorded throughout history.” I was pleased to see included in his list a quote from one of my favorite authors, Anaïs Nin: 

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” 

One of the reasons I began Sperk* is because I saw blogging on a list of 100 ways to be a feminist.  Blogging takes courage.  No one knows this better than my fellow bloggers.  Let’s take it a step further and begin quoting each other.  Maybe one day it will be written that it has been mostly the voices of women that were recorded throughout history.

Continuing to focus on the topic of feminism, I bring you Princess debate part two: Peggy Orenstein on culture, gender, and parenting from Washington Post reporter Janice D'Arcy. D'Arcy interviews Peggy Orenstein, author Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girly-Girl Culture, which was released in paperback last week.  In the article, Orenstein reflects on the differences between girls and boys, the trouble with gender specific marketing (including the LEGO Friends controversy), and shares her insight about allowing ourselves to be true to our own visions for our daughters. 

In Dear Middle School Girl, Shannon Torrence uses wit and empathy to challenge girls to look within to become person who is being stirred by the voice inside:

Listen to and trust your own inner voice.  Act accordingly.  Do not try to be someone you are not.  Do not for a second think that anyone else is any better or cooler or more interesting than you are.  No one is perfect, but everyone has something wonderful to offer this world.  The point is not to be the coolest, most attractive, best-dressed kid in school; it’s to be a kind, thoughtful, responsible and compassionate human being.

Dear Middle School Girl is a great read filled with brilliant reminders not only for our daughters, but also for us as we navigate parenting through the middle school years.  I am thrilled to have discovered at Michelle in the Middle which was shared by Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms on that most powerful tool for the dissemination of information, Twitter.

See you next Saturday.

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