After spending the afternoon hanging out with friends,
Sophia, my 13 year old, walked through the front door, held up her smartphone and said, “Look!”
The screen was completely shattered. The tiny monitor was an opaque, intricate
spider web.
Even though it was her second HTC EVO Shift in less than one year, I wasn’t mad.
My lack of anger puzzled me and from the look on Sophia’s face, it puzzled her as well.
Let’s examine.
Point #1
A few months ago, Sophia's best friend dropped her iPhone and
shattered its screen. Her mom refused to
replace it and it was torturous . . . for me.
Around the same time, this friend's mother banned her from Facebook as a
result of an incident that was not completely explained to me. I did understand that it required
stern consequences.
 |
| Sophia and phone number two. |
Apparently, emailing each other was a stupid idea.
“No one checks email.”
Apparently, calling her on her home phone was a stupid idea.
“Mom, that is just weird. No one talks on the phone. We text.”
Maybe I wasn’t upset because I have a better understanding
of how important smartphones are to teens.
They aren’t a frivolous luxury.
They are the main tool for communication.
Point #2
I can’t afford to replace her phone.
It’s been very hot and I can’t afford central air.
I’m having tooth problems.
Needless to say, I can’t afford the dentist. My car needs fixed. I need something to wear to BlogHer12 (I
really have nothing. Don’t start telling me I can wear sweats. You haven’t seen my sweats).
Maybe I wasn’t upset because adding items to the list of 'things I can’t afford to take care of at the moment' has become routine.
Point #3
Right now, Antonia, my 11 year old, is sitting happily next to me on the
couch. We are wrapping up our movie day,
which turned into a “My Fair Wedding” marathon after our dinner break.
Sophia is milling about in her room. I like the sound of her being here, being home. Every once in a while, she passes through on
her way to the kitchen and says, “I love you, mommy.”
Maybe I wasn't upset because I
know that amenities do not make a childhood better. Parents aren't better parents because they
can provide all of the first world comforts for their children.
Maybe I am just happy and OK?
Yes, I like that.
I am happy and OK.
Break as many smartphones as you like.
photo credit: Librarian by Day via photo pin cc
good for you, mama! this is a new generation for sure, one full of technology, but the thing is, kids always find ways to mess up {heck, in my day it was that i always forgot to check in when i went somewhere new, so my parents BOUGHT me a cell phone so i would have no excuse} but the fact remains that your relationship is stronger then any mishap along the way.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tara. From what you shared, I think you got what I was trying to convey. Such a relief. Wasn't sure. Love this: "...but the fact remains that your relationship is stronger then any mishap along the way" Blessings to you!
DeleteOh, this made me teary eyed! Just feeling happy and ok is so awesome, sometimes so rare and a peace I'm always trying to achieve. Such a good point about smart phones for teens. I admit I don't totally get it but it's true, they don't check email or even actually talk on the phone much but texting, facebook, etc. is so important to them and a very normal part of their lives now. I hope your movie and tv day with Antonia was awesome. Great insight as always!
ReplyDeleteReally, Anna? Teary eyed? Now I'm teary eyed. Love your presence here. Peaceful, yet strong. Thank you.
DeleteIt IS just a phone. That's a good point to remember. My daughter, 11, was the only one in the entire 5th grade to not have a cell phone. I know she's not 13 yet, when a cell phone will become a necessity, but I'm not shelling out hundreds of dollars just so she can tell me something over the phone that she could tell me in person when she gets home five minutes later. If your daughter goes w/o one for a while she may realize she needs to take better care of the new one when she gets it. It could be a good (if hard) lesson for her.
ReplyDeleteKIMBERLY!! You are amazing. Your priorities are the same as ours. Noah's goal in life is to have a smart phone but with a laptop, a cell phone and a HOME phone it's simply not necessary. His iTouch has a cracked screen but still works. Joe threw his back out and missed three days of work. We needed $200 worth of groceries. THAT is why you bought your OWN phone when the first drowned and the second broke, sweet boy. But I will pay for the insurance.
ReplyDeleteI don't really have anything profound to add. I just wanted to say that I really loved this. I worry, worry about my kids, and what we're doing and not doing often. So, reading this...I felt not so alone and "happy and OK". Because I am, we are happy and OK. I like that very much.
ReplyDeletePoint #2 is so me right now. It is funny how we expect a reaction from ourselves, then have to sit and analyze why our reaction is the opposite (or, at least, just so vastly different from what we expected/would normally do/say). I find myself being relegated to the "eh, well" variety of responses lately rather than my usual blow up, scream it out way. That shit is tiresome. Ain't nothin' I can do about it right now, so you're gonna need to make do, be resourceful, tie some string to cans, learn Morse code, sit on the computer and IM, just work it out. I guess it could be called plain old happy, but that is such a novel idea that it's not really making sense to me as a possibility yet.
ReplyDeleteSeparately: So wait, you ARE going to BlogHer? I'ma find you and hug you and squeeze you and maybe call you George.
I think, the thing is, you knew she had already been punished. I hear parents of first graders taking stands on cell phones and think to myself, "You don't understand what they have evolved into." They aren't spoiled kid toys, they are their communication. I'm from a time when cell phones were novelties or luxuries, but my kids are not.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I have become dependent on them as tracking devices for my kids,direct lines to their ears, I mean fingers. I've become accustomed to organizing car pools and rounding up the kids through texting. I remember it being wonderful when our babysitter first got her phone and I could contact her directly. Steps saved!
I think another thing that your lack of anger did was still make the problem hers. When we get flip-our-tops-mad over something like this, in a way, we wrestle the problem from them and become responsible for the solution. She is going to have to figure it out. There are kiosks in the mall that buy electronics no matter what the condition. And she may have to downgrade and get herself, a gasp, regular phone. They text, too. But really, I think you have empowered her. This isn't a safe behavior issue or affect her chances of going to college, so what a great opportunity to let her embrace and solve her own problem. Ellen
I am glad to read this because my kids aren't old enough to have phones yet and I can file away others' experiences, rules, etc...it scares the crap out of me to think of my kids having cell phones...then again, times have changed since I was a little girl.
ReplyDeleteI am worried about what to wear to BlogHer, too. And the alums keep telling me not to worry b/c no one else will notice. So that is what I'll tell you!
;-)