Wednesday's Woman: Conquering Family / Life Balance

Today's guest blogger is an inspiration in her own right and I'm so grateful she agreed to share a bit of herself here today for Wednesday's Woman.

Alexa B (who blogs under the name Kat Biggie) writes at No Holding Back. She started the blog in June 2012 as an outlet for her grief after losing one of her twin daughters two days after birth to complications from Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). Since she has always had a passion for writing, it did not take long for her to begin to write not only about living after loss and TTTS, but all things to do with being a stay-at-home mother raising three children five and under. Prior to making the decision to stay home with her children, Alexa worked in Homeland Security and Counter Terrorism, and served over six years in the United States Air Force.

Screenshot Fight TTTS

Wednesday’s Woman: 
Conquering Family / Life Balance

by Alexa B

When Kimberly asked me if I would contribute to the Wednesday’s Woman series, not only was I completely honored by the request, I knew right away who I would write about.

Prior to leaving my career to be a stay at home mother, I was a Captain in the U.S. Air Force. During my last assignment I met the most amazing and inspirational woman who had a lifelong impact on me and my views of leadership and career women. We had heard whispers of Colonel “Zap” long before she arrived as our Commanding Officer.  As the third ranking officer in the unit, I was anxiously awaiting her arrival, to ease some of the burden off of me and the acting Commander and so that we could move ahead on some projects. 

I couldn't wait for her to arrive! As a female officer I looked forward to having a female mentor in my chain of command. Especially one that was also a mother. Part of me was very nervous about the type of boss she would be. Some commanding officers expected the other officers to arrive before everyone else and not leave until late in the evening. However, at five months pregnant, my bump was just beginning to show and I was coming to the realization that 14 hour days were not in my best interest for much longer.

As we awaited her arrival, rumors swirled about the type of boss she would be. Some had worked for her, with her, or knew of her and provided the details they knew. She would be promoted to O-6, full bird Colonel upon her arrival. I only knew of one other female O-6 on the airbase. We knew she was smart, witty, apparently very beautiful, but could be mean as a snake if crossed. We also knew that she had recently lost her 21 year old son in an accident; she had three living teenagers, and at some point had lost a baby.

Until Zap became my boss, all of my previous female Commanders in the Air Force were either single or married with no children. The time commitment required to rise to the top of the ranks in the service often seems to force a choice between career and family. But Zap managed to find the balance. And she did her best to ensure all those working for her made the time for family as well.

Once she arrived, it took no time at all for me to adore her. Turns out, she was not mean as a snake.  However, her expectations for productivity were high, and if you disappointed her she had no qualms about letting you know. She was strict, yet kind. Driven, yet understanding. She lost two of her children, but you would never know she was a grieving mother except by the way she knows how to balance life and love.  Even with all the responsibilities of a Group Commander (think of a CEO of a large company) she still made time for her three children’s parent teacher conferences, sporting events, and family trips. We got a lot of work done under her leadership and guidance. We worked very hard when deadlines required it, but if Friday afternoon was slow, it was not unusual for her to send us home early.

After my son was born, she and her husband delivered dinner to us, and brought him three of the cutest stuffed monkeys. She treated us well. Her actions toward us as “people” not just employees made all of us strive to do our absolute best for her. 

In my recent journey of life and loss I have met so many incredible women and my new understanding of losing a child has made me appreciate “Zap” even more.   Somehow, despite what must have been an overwhelming urge to hide under a rock, she was able to dig deep and find the strength to keep going. She never let her living children, her husband, or her career suffer. She was able to balance life, love, and work. And only after losing a child of my own have I come to understand what an incredible challenge that must have been and how special Zap truly is.

WEDNESDAY'S WOMAN IS A WEEKLY FEATURE DEDICATED TO SPOTLIGHTING WOMEN WHO ARE ROLE MODELS FOR OUR DAUGHTERS. . . AND THE WORLD.

photo credit: Brave Heart via photopin cc

What Brings You Joy?

Yesterday was President’s Day.  Did you celebrate?  I did by taking the day off from blogging—not that I've been that great at providing daily posts.  But, hey, I need an excuse to do a Monday Listicle on a Tuesday. 

This week’s theme is a good one:  10 Tiny (or secret) Things That Bring You Joy.  Because I seem to dwell on the ho-humness of depression, this is definitely a topic I cannot pass up.  Joy is good.  And there should be more of it.

9 Tiny Things That Bring Me Joy

1.  My nightly talks with Sophia and Antonia as I tuck them into bed.

2.  Listening to Antonia practice her clarinet.

3.  Helping Sophia learn tap dancing for her upcoming school musical.

4.  Helping the girls with their hair.

5.  Hearing and sharing laughter in this house.

6.  When M does the dishes or paints the kitchen

7.  This video of Prince live circa 1985

Prince Lets Go Crazy / Purple Rain tour 1985 by Recoda321

8.  This video of my family at Christmastime circa 2010

9.  My dogs, Frodo, Scruffy and Tina

One Secret Thing That Brings Me Joy

Screenshot BravoTV

What brings you joy?

Wednesday's Woman: Works of Mommy Padawan

Last week I mentioned that Wednesday’s Woman keeps me going.  This is true.  I am grateful for all of the bloggers who willingly take time out of their schedules to share with us stories of the women who inspire them. 

There is one woman, a regular contributor to Wednesday’s Woman, who is instrumental in the endurance of this series.  She is flexible and forgiving of my lack of scheduling skills.  She is always willing to read my rambling emails and regularly responds with compassion and empathy.  Her name is Anna Mahler.    

Anna's first submission was last March honoring Lisa Shannon.  For her intro I wrote: 

This week’s Wednesday's Woman was written and submitted by Anna Mahler, of The Mommy Padawan.  I am certain you get the “Mommy” part.  But are you familiar with the term “Padawan”?

A "padawan" is a term for “student” taken from the film Star Wars.  I think the title of Anna’s blog is fitting.  She is a careful observer of life and looks to her experiences for opportunities to grow as a woman, wife, and mother.  She sees her three year old son as her greatest teacher.    

Students learn most through their experiences teaching others.  Anna is no exception.  She shares the wisdom she has gained as a wife and mother in her ebook You are Loved - Caring for Our Children, Families, and Ourselves with Loving Kindness.  

Her philosophy of self-care allows her to create a harmonious home.  Self-care also allows her to recognize the importance of sharing her uplifting attitudes with the readers of her blog.  I encourage you to spend time at The Mommy Padawan where you will find a voice of authenticity, grace, warmth and courage. 

I’d like to honor Anna today by revisiting all of her contributions to Wednesday's Woman.  They are linked below.  Be sure to thank her.  And be sure to let her know she is quite deserving of being honored as this week’s Wednesday’s Woman.

Wednesday's Woman: 
Works of Mommy Padawan

Wednesday's Woman:  A Call to Action

Honoring Lisa Shannon, author and founder of Run for Congo Women, which is a volunteer effort to raise funds and awareness for women in the Democratic Republic of Congo.  She also spent months in eastern Congo exploring the link between mining and the world's worst sexual violence.


Wednesday's Woman: Impacting Families
Honoring Dr. Jane Aronson, founder of Worldwide Orphans Foundation.


Wednesday's Woman: A New Generation of Widows
Honoring Taryn Davis, founder of American Widow Project.


Wednesday's Woman: This is a Safe Place
Honoring Diane Latiker, founder of Kids Off the Block

Wednesday's Woman: Zainab Salbi
Honoring Zainab Salbi, an Iraqi American writer, activist and social entrepreneur who is co-founder and president of Washington-based Women for Women International.


Wednesday's Woman: Christy Turlington Burns
Honoring Christy Turlington Burns, American model and founder of Every Mother Counts, a campaign to end preventable deaths caused by pregnancy and childbirth around the world.


Wednesday's Woman: Being of Service
Honoring Seane Corn, founder of Off the Mat and Into The World


Wednesday's Woman: Mildred Loving
Honoring Mildred Loving, civil rights activist. She and her husband successfully defeated Virginia's ban on interracial marriage.

WEDNESDAY'S WOMAN IS A WEEKLY FEATURE DEDICATED TO SPOTLIGHTING WOMEN WHO ARE ROLE MODELS FOR OUR DAUGHTERS. . . AND THE WORLD.

Valentine's Day: What I Want and Do Not Want

It is rare that Valentine’s Day is remembered in this house.  My kids no longer exchange cards at school and last week when I asked my significant other if he knew my favorite flower he choked.  He didn't realize I was actually hinting that Valentine’s Day was forthcoming.  So, I imagine the holiday of love will once again pass without acknowledgement.

However, if for some reason someone remembers Valentine’s Day, here’s what I would want and what I would not want.

8 Things I Want for Valentine’s Day

1. A winning lotto ticket – Can you say, “Bills paid, yay!”

2. Vases full of tulips in every room – Yes, they are my favorite flower.  Significant Other, please take note.

3. My car tuned up – It rattles and hums, which is much better coming from U2.

4. My house completely cleaned – Like walls washed down, baseboards and floors from which food could be eaten.

5. Dogs groomed - They stink.  Do you hear me?  They smell.

6. Laundry put away – I have failed to put away my laundry for two years.  I need help.  Valentine's Day is the perfect opportunity for someone to say, “See, I noticed such a dreary task is beneath you.  You are now off the hook.”

7. Handmade Cards – They are the best.  Especially the ones with lovely prose extolling my greatness.

8. Someone to join me at the dance mob for One Billion Rising at Otterbein University.

2 Things I Do Not Want for Valentine’s Day

1. K-Y Yours+Mine – No, no, no. Not until the things I want, listed above, have been given.

2. Chocolate – Right. Creativity turns me on.  Chocolate is not creative.

photo credit: Rinoninha via photopin cc

Wednesday's Woman: A Creative Life

Kristin Has Two Eyes

A little over a year ago Wednesday’s Woman began when I found out my friend was helping her neighbor, a hoarder, clean out her house.  The story astonished me, not because I was surprised by my friend's willingness to help, I knew her to be that way.  I was amazed because I could not imagine saying more than a brief “hello” to my neighbors. Actually lending a helping hand seemed huge.  I thought it was a story that needed to be told to honor my friend and to help mobilize kindness in our world, in my world.

As the year passed, Wednesday’s Woman grew from the stories shared by guest bloggers.  Some women honored were not well-known, some were celebrities.  All deserved the light that was shed on their work.  All inspired me to keep going, to keep writing.  During times when I did not feel I had the emotional energy to write, knowing Wednesday’s Woman was due kept me mobilized.

Today, Kristin, a great writer who blogs at Kristin Has Two Eyes, brings Wednesday’s Woman full circle, back to its beginnings, by honoring her friend.  I am grateful for this reminder to stay awake and aware, for a Wednesday’s Woman is always close by.  We just have to be willing to acknowledge her presence and her impact on our lives.

Find Kristin at her blog and follow her on Twitter.

Wednesday's Woman: A Creative Life

by Kristin

Growing up, whenever I was asked the traditional essay or interview question, “Who inspires you?” I always had trouble formulating an answer.  Perhaps I was too self-centered or overly realistic to spend time idolizing someone in my youth.  However, now that I am a parent, I can easily list people and figures I hope my daughters will emulate.  My realism remains, though, and so while historic figures and certain celebrities may make the cut, more than anything I long for real life role models for my girls. 

As Tamar shared in her post last Wednesday, our parent’s friends can have a huge impact on us.  In some cases, they can act as surrogate parents, filling in where our own fall short (or where we refuse to listen).   They are also windows to who our mothers and fathers are as women and men in the world and not just in our home.  I feel lucky to be surrounded by friends who I know would do anything for my children; including walking with me and my husband as we raise them. 

“Significance is found in giving your life away, not in selfishly trying to find personal happiness.”  -Betsy Ricucci

This Wednesday’s Woman is someone who embodies this approach to life, my dear friend M. Kendall Ludwig.  The first thing you need to know about Kendall is that she is a rock star in my book; an inspiration to me and definitely a real life role model for my daughters (and her own.)  Yes, she taught herself to slap the electric bass and was actually in a band for a few years, but she shines for many more reasons than these. 

Like any successful rock star, Kendall has a strong sense of self and style.  Since high school, she has never been afraid to wear what she likes, showcase her voluminous copper tresses, or articulate her beliefs.  I admired this about her then and even more so now.  Despite being mostly home with her two young girls, Kendall still looks and acts like Kendall.  She has not lost her identity through motherhood or maturity.   While I know she only spends a little time and even less money on her appearance, she makes herself a priority at times, and the result is a confidence that benefits everyone around her.  She understands the link between looking good, feeling good and doing good things.

This philosophy overflows into her work as the president and principal designer of her own graphic design firm.  Rock star that she is, she followed her dreams and began working for herself, on her own terms, as soon as she could.  She took a risk to pursue her passion; that everyone deserves to look good, especially small businesses and nonprofits with great vision, but limited resources.  With her artistic, creative strengths, Kendall had to step out of her comfort zone to learn the fundamentals of running a successful firm.  Her brave ambition did not overtake her common sense.  Kendall always asks for the expertise of others when she knows she needs it.

Curly Red Design

Confident, but far from proud, Kendall does what any music teacher would advise a blossoming musician to do: make mistakes loudly.  Whether in reference to her family, friends, future or finances, Kendall never hesitates to ask for prayer and support.  In fact, on numerous occasions, her inclination to just stop and listen for direction humbles me.  What impresses me most is that her first concern is always for someone else.  In rock star terms, she is loyal to her fans and never forgets the people who got her where she is or knew her when.  I can’t count how many times I have heard her request thoughts and prayers for her husband, her children, her parents, her siblings, for relationships to be healed, for hearts to be changed, for minds to be opened.  Her scope of concern is appropriately focused and yet selflessly large.  Just a few months ago she stepped forward and organized a bipartisan night of prayer at our small community church to simply sing and pray over our country and the election.  

This is only a snapshot of who Kendall is.  I barely touched on all the other ways she demonstrates leadership in her field and in her faith.  I hardly mentioned all that she does for her two sweet girls and her devoted husband.   I hope that from what you have learned about her you see that she is outstanding (not to mention rocking) in every way.  She certainly plays music she likes, but she first and foremost plays it for those that she loves.  I feel blessed that my daughters and I are some of those people and I feel inspired to tune up my talents for those in my life.  Kendall is proof positive that we can all be real life role models and perhaps even next Wednesday’s Woman.

Find today's Wednesday's Woman, Kendall, at CurlyRed a design blog, follow her on Twitter.

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A huge thank you to Kristin, who, with this post, reminds me to honor my creative-self.  I hope she has done the same for you:

Kristin blogs because she loves to write.  In addition to dabbling in fiction and sharing stories, she articulates anecdotes she observes in her boring, yet busy, happy little life as a stay-at-home mom.  Kristin is still figuring out what else she wants to be when she grows up and hopes, in some ways, she never finds it.  

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Wednesday's Woman is a weekly feature dedicated to spotlighting women who are role models for our daughters. . . and the world.