Judge it Mercilessly

I had a phone interview yesterday with a prospective employer.  I was nervous.  I thought I was more nervous than one would normally be during a phone interview.  Tomorrow I have a face-to-face interview with another prospective employer.  I am nervous.  In my mind, I am more nervous than normal.  But, what is normal?

According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary nor-mal is: according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle.  

What does the typical stay-at-home mom with a 13 year tenure usually feel like when she reenters the workforce and changes careers?

Probably like me.

What am I going to do about this nervousness before it becomes a paralyzing issue?

I am going to start by coloring my hair.  The last time I did my hair it turned out deep blue.  It is noticeable only in certain light and from proper angles.  But I do not want to spend the entire interview with my head propped in a certain way.  It seems that would be odd and make the interviewer uncomfortable.

I am also going to focus on positive self-talk.  Remember Stuart Smalley?  Well, he was onto something.

During one of the nightly talks I have with my 13 year old daughter as I tuck her into bed, she expressed severe worry about what people may be thinking about her.  It occurred to me that the pressure to fit-in in middle school is as real as it was when I was a teen, if not worse.  I told her,

“The only thing you should judge about yourself is your self-talk.  Judge it mercilessly.” 

I have no idea where those two statements came from.  If the message was in my arsenal of parental sayings, I wasn't aware of its presence.

I have been following up by asking her about her self-talk.  She’s been answering with descriptions of combating self-doubt like a true lady warrior:

“Mom, I realized that if I wear something nice to school, I feel good and am able to concentrate all day.  I don’t worry about how I look.”

OK.  Awesome.

Or, “If I hear myself putting myself down, I say, ‘that’s not true’.”

I can surmise that she is putting into practice valuable life-skills.  I couldn’t be more relieved.  Check mark in the column labeled, tools to give daughter so that she does it differently than I did.

Negative self-talk has plagued me like consumerism and debt has plagued America.  Even when I was performing successfully in my first career—dance—I had the compulsion to constantly and harshly self-criticize.  It was rare for me to embrace a triumph or celebrate a victory. I have carried this auto-negative behavior with me right into the second act.  

Why?  I could look around the room for someone to blame.  I could blame the nature of the performing arts industry in which I was an active participant for many years.  I could blame the president, but he probably is having the same issue.  So, the fact that I spontaneously came up with that little tidbit of motherly advice was a moment of parenting grace.

For tomorrow’s interview, I'm going to color my hair and get a new sweater in honor of my daughter's new-found skill of self-care.  It was she who said, “. . . if I wear something nice . . . I feel good. . . .”

I am going to update my resume because the last time I looked at it the self-talk that occurred was, “That looks like the work of a kindergartener.”

Lastly, and you won't find this tip on Monster.com, I am going to watch clips of Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman .  Yeah.  Wonder Woman.  Because there was a time when I believed I could be her when I grew up.  If I get the color of my hair just right, I will be.