All These Things That I've Done

On Mondays, I typically participate in Monday Listicles, which I love.  However, today's theme of things found in your closet....my closet is a tiny hole in the wall.  I live in an old house.  There's not much in there of interest--mainly hanging shirts and a pile of shoes on the floor.  But, I'm still going to participate with a list, just one of a different topic.  I hope you'll forgive my bending of the rules.

Do you have a constant internal dialogue discussing all the things you need to do or should be doing? I do. And yet, there is so much that I have done.

Yesterday I came across an inspiring list created by Kerstin Auer honoring the things she has done. She was prompted by a blogging link-up by Andrea B  Now, I’m inspired.



In lieu of the closet, here's a few things I've done:

*Attended a presidential rally. Forward!

*Saw my favorite rock icons in concert: Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam, and U2.

*Traveled from coast to coast to over 25 Dave Matthews Band concerts.

*Met my significant other online—MySpace to be exact.

*Survived two C-sections and was rewarded with two beautiful daughters.

*Survived the terrible twos, twice.

*Put my foot down and said “no” to my daughters several times, surviving the excruciating pain of knowing they were disappointed.

*Watched my oldest daughter star in her middle school musical (oh, the nerves. She did so well).

*Listened in amazement to my younger daughter practice her clarinet. She’s so talented.

*Read many poems of praise written for me by my daughters.

*Tucked in my girls at bedtime most every night for 14 years. 

*Visited Las Vegas three times.

*Traveled to London, Paris, Nice, Florence, and Lucerne.

*Taken the 3 1/2 hour boat tour around Manhattan.

*Saw Bebe Neuwirth play Velma Kelly in the musical Chicago on Broadway.

*Had “the talk” with my daughters. We aren't done, it is ongoing.

*Was runner-up in Junior Miss Ohio in 1987, which allowed me to go to college with the scholarship awards.

*Graduated Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Early Child Education in 2012.

*Have had many jobs: cocktail waitress, daycare worker, fitness center manager, pizza server, telemarketer, wardrobe consultant, retail merchandiser, and stay-at-home mom. My favorite has been stay-at-home mom.

*Confronted my perpetrators. I am a survivor of child sexual abuse.

*I've asked for help.

*I've received help.

*Gained and lost 60 pounds.

*Danced with a professional dance company.

*Danced in my living room.

*Gained and lost ten pounds.

*Recovered from an eating disorder.

*Had two photos selected by the Columbus Museum of Art to be included in their Photo Hunt installations.

*Was honored as a BlogHer 2012 Voice of the Year.

*I've been a wife and an ex-wife.

*Lived in Chicago, Philadelphia, New Jersey, Louisiana, Northern California, and now Columbus, Ohio.

*I've done punk rock karaoke.

*I've been to Bonnaroo, twice. And I want to go back!

I leave you with one of my favorite songs, so apropos:

  photo credit: the camera is a toy. via photopin cc

Dan Patrick Crushed My Morale

I am a sports fan.  I share my enthusiasm for sports with my significant other, M. What we do not share is a liking for day-long sports news updates provided by ESPN streaming via the TV in the living room.  It’s turned down to a low volume thanks to my numerous pleas.  But it is always on.  Other sports networks show up as well.  M is not an ESPN loyalist.  But I am not aware of what the other sports news outlets are, nor do I care, unless the news is about the Pittsburgh Steelers or the broadcaster is Dan Patrick.

Over the years, in an attempt to connect with M, or use him as a pillow while taking a short nap after getting the girls off to school, I would join him in watching Mike and Mike in the Morning airing on ESPN.  The show became annoying to me because the hosts, Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic, were repetitive, lacked in-depth analysis, and in my opinion, seemed afraid to share their true opinions on topics they covered.  So one morning, after Mike and Mike, M turned the channel over to The Dan Patrick Show assuring me I would enjoy the host, Dan Patrick, much better.  The fact that he was a native of Ohio and defector of ESPN also intrigued me.

As time went by, Mike and Mike became completely replaced by the Dan Patrick Show.  On mornings when I chose not to be lazy and nap in front of the TV with M, I found myself choosing to do sedentary work on my laptop (in lieu of housework which requires movement) so that I could strategically place myself in view of the TV so as to not miss the Dan Patrick Show.  But the day I can say I officially became a fan of Dan Patrick was when his show aired the morning following the weekend that the  Penn State child sexual abuse scandal broke in the media.

I was glued to the show for the entire week.  No napping.  No work.  Just watching. Dan Patrick’s coverage of the child sexual abuse scandal at Penn State was phenomenal.  No other show or network, covering sports or headline news, gave it comparable reporting.  Dan Patrick’s handling of the topic was intelligent, factual, sensitive to the victims, heavy handed on the alleged perpetrator and conspirators of cover-up, and gave voice to victims of child sexual abuse.  In essence, he put down his sports reporting notepad and pencil and picked up a poster printed with bold lettering, “CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE IS WRONG.”

As a survivor of child sexual abuse, to me, this was powerful stuff.  Typically when stories like this reach the media, controversy and debate ensue giving more voice to the alleged perpetrators in order to maintain the façade that powerful institutions are impermeable to such horrific accusations.  Movement is usually swift in protecting the establishment’s reputation.  Cover up is priority.  Excuses are mandatory.  But this was not the case with the story in the hands Dan Patrick.   

He took time to tell his viewers of the impact that child sexual abuse has on victims—the damage it does to victims' lives for years into adulthood.  He would not be moved by callers with varying opinions of Joe Paterno's status as coach of the Penn State football team.  Paterno knew of the crimes committed and failed to report them to authorities other than higher ups at the university.  Dan Patrick bravely stated, “Joe Paterno has lost the right to be the head coach of Penn State.”  He even took calls from victims of child sexual abuse, allowing them to share bits of their stories.  Callers always ended with an outpouring of gratitude, thanking him for using his show to shed light on a topic that gets swept under the rug far too often.

Dan Patrick is good at what he does. I'd say, he is one of the best.  He gives insightful commentary on sports news and couples it with clever entertainment in his banter with his show's supporting cast.  He's a stand-out co-host on NBC’s Football Night in America and was bestowed the honor of presenting the Super Bowl XLVI trophy to team winning quarterback, Eli Manning.  He has also made several appearances as an actor on the silver screen and I think he’s talented enough to take over for the menacing David Letterman.  So yes, I am a fan of Dan Patrick. . .

. . .or was, until last week.

I had been aware of The Dan Patrick Show's Wall of Morale but had never given it much attention.  If you aren’t familiar, the Wall of Morale is an area in the show’s studio devoted to posters of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition covers.  I must have missed viewer competitions from years past wherein votes are cast to determine which poster comes down off the wall to make room for the current cover.  But last week I caught this year’s ridiculous hoopla while peaking over the screen of my laptop.  And I was angry.

"With great power comes great responsibility."

~Stan Lee

I truly believe that when one has been given talent they are charged with using that talent and sharing it with the world in order to make change.  The change doesn’t always have to be magnificent in the number of people affected, nor does it have to have the impact to be a catalyst of world peace.  One's work, even if it changes only one person for the better, is significant. It’s not for the talented to determine if his impact is going to be great enough to make a difference. The talented only needs to determine how much fear he will allow to get in the way of his expression.

When Dan Patrick covered the Penn State scandal with such skill and insight he raised the bar for sports journalists and broadcasters.  He courageously answered his call and responsibility as a man with talent.  He embraced his position of having a powerful voice in the media and used it as an opportunity to raise awareness.  His was a shining moment in broadcasting and one in which the world of news media should use as a lesson in ethical and honorable reporting.

Contrarily, for him to devote so much of his show's time to making the decision of which model to keep on the Wall of Morale, making the objectification of women a colossal event, was not only wrong, but a horrific departure.  I was deeply, incredibly disappointed.  In my eyes, another great voice failed to go "against the grain" and sold-out in the name of a pay check.

Dan Patrick must not have been aware of findings from the APA Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls and cited by Miss Representation that indicate:

• the hyper-sexualization of women is linked to depression and eating disorders. 

• the pornification of women in main stream media is numbing boys and men to the true value of women. 

• the association of female objectification with sports implies that for women, being healthy is about fitting into a tiny bikini.

• in the 57 years of the Sports Illustrated’s life a woman appears on a non-swimsuit issue a total of 66 times (on average, just once a year).

Dan Patrick had an opportunity to speak on the crisis of the objectification of women in America to an audience wherein the message is desperately needed and to an audience who has his full attention—sports fans.  He proved he can make a difference in how people view critical cultural topics during his coverage of the Penn State scandal.  In his silly enthusiasm over the Wall of Morale, he succumbed to fear—fear of losing members of his fan base, fear of losing support of SI.com who hosts his show’s website, and fear of looking less macho to a world full of hot women who he refers to as “shorties” and  then jokes about making room for them in his bed.

 

"Every society has a way of torturing its women, whether by binding their feet or by sticking them into whalebone corsets. What contemporary American culture has come up with is designer jeans."

~Joel Yager, M.D.

One last point.  Dan Patrick has a daughter.  All I can surmise is that he does not find raising a daughter in a world that objectifies women to be challenging.  I really wish I could ask him how he does it.  Does he tell her it’s OK to be valued for sex?  I bet he does not.  And I bet, one day, she’ll identify his hypocrisy and be as disappointed in him as I am.

BlogHer  '12 Voices of the Year Honoree  in OpEd

This post was featured on BlogHer

photo credit: The Cut via photopin cc

photo credit: cattias.photos via photo pin cc

Wednesday's Woman: Everybody Knows Somebody

(photo credit)

In the United States, as many as 10 million females and 1 million males are fighting a life and death battle with an eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia. Millions more are struggling with binge eating disorder  (Crowther et al., 1992; Fairburn et al., 1993; Gordon, 1990; Hoek, 1995; Shisslak et al., 1995).

It is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.  The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) designates this week to bringing to light the complexities and realities of eating disorders.  The mission:

. . .prevent eating disorders and body image issues while reducing the stigma surrounding eating disorders and improving access to treatment. Eating disorders are serious, life-threatening illnesses - not choices - and it's important to recognize the pressures, attitudes and behaviors that shape the disorder.

This year’s theme is "Everybody Knows Somebody” which is a fitting premise.  We all know somebody who we can tell that it is NEDAwareness Week.  And, we all, most likely, know someone who is suffering with an eating disorder.

I encourage you to take time to go through the NEDA website.  It provides an extensive and comprehensive compilation of researched information and support tools written in accessible language.  Some of the facts about eating disorders may surprise you.  And I cannot express emphatically enough how valuable the support tools are.

The President and CEO of NEDA, Lynn S. Grefe, has an incredibly impressive background of advocacy work not only with NEDA, but also with organizations in government and private sectors associated with women’s health, mental health and policy issues.  When I think advocate, I think Lynn Grefe. The amount of work she has done, and continues to do in dedication to others is remarkable.  Please read more about her at PBS, This Emotional Life.  You'll find she is not only an advocate, but also was a Girl Scout leader, a soccer coach and a town coordinator.

For her tireless work advocating for people and families affected by eating disorders,

Wednesday's Woman is

Lynn S. Grefe 

• Many who suffer with eating disorders are also victims of child sexual abuse. Please read about past Wednesday's Woman, Jill Starishevsky, a fearless advocate for child victims of sexual abuse and author of My Body Belongs to Me.

• The Floor Is Yours! Wednesday's Woman is a weekly feature dedicated to raising awareness of the wonderful women who are role models for our daughters and the world.  If you know of someone to be featured and would like to write about her, let me know.  I would love to have you guest post for Wednesday's Woman.