As part of my plight to thwart depression, I have committed to blogging every day. I have not come out with an official public announcement regarding this pledge because typically, when I broadcast what I’m going to do, I don’t do it. Then I am left with evidence of my failure—that evidence being an audience and my blog.
There is nothing worse than the sting of your daughter saying, “Mom, you never do anything you say you’re going to do. You don’t do anything, with the exception of Sperk*. You do that.”
Yeah. She said it.
No. It’s not true. I do a lot of other things besides Sperk*.
I refrained from going into a raging rant about how there is always food on the table and asking her where she thought that came from.
I refrained from asking her what she might think her life without a devoted mother may look like.
I just said, “Yeah, it’s probably too late for me to become the famous female music conductor I always wanted to be.”
She had a twinkle in her eye as she said, "That would have been perfect for you. You could act crazy and everyone would politely laugh at your jokes, you know, because of the formal environment. Everyone is always polite to the conductor."
Where was this coming from?
So what if I haven’t finished redecorating her room, a project I started two summers ago. She changes her mind about what she wants every two days.
So what if I haven’t gotten a job teaching at a preschool. Yes, I finished my degree in early education almost a year ago, but even though I love babies, I don’t want to change diapers for $8 an hour.
Then I announced to her that I wanted to go back to school and possibly get my teaching license.
She said, “Well, you know you’ll have to be a substitute first if you go for teaching. They call in the morning for that, you’d never be able to get ready.”
She was right. I would never be able to get ready.
She went on, “Plus, you’d be that substitute everyone hates. The one who is excited to be there, the one who is excited about learning.”
She was right. I am excited about learning.
This week I’m learning to be patient with my depression and her adolescence.
This week I am learning that I actually do the things I say I am going to do. Here's the proof: you are reading post #4 on day #4 of blogging every day.