Bad grades=bad self-esteem
Good grades=good self-esteem
Good grades do not necessarily indicate learning or becoming
a better person, or growing.
In the world of a teen, where everything is rapidly
changing, where coming home from school should mean time off to relax, regroup,
and recharge, teens are required to do homework so that they can get good
grades.
That homework takes hours.
When do teens exercise?
PE has been removed from the curriculum for more academics.
Lack of physical activity does not help the performance of
the brain, it hinders it.
Lack of physical activity also sabotages the outcome of the
state mandated BMI tests.
It is recommended students be in extra-curricular
activities. These improve the chances of
students performing well, academically.
The extra-curricular activities take time away from
homework which is a requirement in order to receive good grades.
When should teens socialize?
What if they aren’t interested in the history of the Ming
Dynasty?
My teen is struggling.
She’s smart.
She can do the work.
I do not know where her mind is when she is studying.
I do not know how to help her without hovering over her as
she stares at a book that she recently stared at in class.
Maybe it’s time to choreograph song and dance numbers
composed of World Studies facts.
Maybe it’s time to tell her she must put a hold on growing
up. There are A’s that need to be seen on her transcript.
How do I tell her it's not her fault, it's not her teacher's fault?
How do I not feel it is my fault?
How do I tell her I will not have the ability to change the educational system in America before she graduates from high school?
Learning we must do things we do not want to do may be the hardest lesson to learn.
If she can master that, she'll have it made.
As a mom of two teens I am with you on this struggle. My kids spend hours on homework and are involved in church and extra curricular activites. It is so much for our kids these days and frustrating on parents as well.
ReplyDeleteI have 20, 14 and 11yr old boys. We took the "grades don't measure what a great kid you are" approach and didn't push. He had some difficulties with indecision. Switching from one language to another halfway from receiving graduation credit. He was involved with an academic related activities after school and enjoyed it. He never had a MAJOR problem with grades but could have done better. But again...grades don't measure the person. THEY do however determine class rank, and other important college related aspects. I stayed out of it. He missed his ACT and SAT. He felt they were "unimportant". Yeah. Not so much.
ReplyDeleteHe is now in community college. My son is brilliant..like crazy smart and had dreams of going to a great school in FL for marine biology. That dream is GONE. Part because he didn't realize you can't just say "hey I want to go here" and they would say "OK come on!" partially because he still doesn't get that his education will open doors for him.
We are not making that mistake with my next one who is now a freshman. He has only til the first report card to show what he can do without me totally up his ass ALL the time about school. I warned him. I will spend more time up there volunteering and being KNOWN than the teachers who work there. It will NOT be fun for him. I hope he takes it serious because I am. I will not let another of my kids fall through the cracks. This one WILL be taking the PSAT next year. HE WILL do what is necessary to get into a college. ANY COLLEGE. I didn't put enough value on #1's grades and how they would affect his future. I won't make that mistake again.
Thanks, Possum. You've shed some light in your comment. My daughter is the older of two and a freshman. This is uncharted territory for me. I want her to succeed but also want her to be herself and feel good about who she is. Part of growing up is understanding what needs to be done to achieve our goals. Sometimes this includes things we don't really feel like doing. Intellectually, I know this. But when I watch her struggle, ugh, emotions get in the way. Your point is clear and I'm grateful.
DeleteTrying to teach that last point to my 4th grader, & man, it ain't easy. I'm sure it only gets more difficult in high school. All good points in the comments above by Possum. Kids don't get the importance of school or grades but parents do. It's no the full measure of a person, but it is preparation for life. I tell my kids if they try their best then we are happy w/ whatever grade they get (but we make sure they study!).
ReplyDeleteGood point that I hope I am articulating to my daughter. I'm OK with b's and c's. She isn't required to get a's. However, I know she can. When she tries her best, she's an honor roll student. How do you get into their brains to see if this is their "best"? I mean, maybe this is her best for high school? Maybe she's still adjusting? I'm grateful for the conversation. ;)
DeleteThis is such a great post Kim. I remember going through some of this with my older son and it was so sad and frustrating for both of us. The more I hovered, the more he pushed back and refused to do the work at all. What's most frustrating to me is the schools cutting P.E. and the giving so many hours of homework, kids don't have time to exercise or even just "be", at least not for as long as I think they really need to. They need down time and physical activity to be healthy, happy and successful just as much as we do as adults. It would also be a great way to make self care a habit early on. Sigh...I don't know what the answer is, teens are tough and school is tougher. We can just be there for them, try to be understanding, help as much as we can and also help them take care of themselves I guess. Awesome post, love this one!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Anna. It is a struggle, for sure. I know she needs to exercise and just "be" but I know she needs good grades to succeed in life. Where is the time to fit it all in? I really appreciate your words of support.
DeleteSuch a hard lesson to learn!
ReplyDeleteMy kids are still young, but it's still a struggle to get it all in- homework, exercise, extracurriculars. It's enough to wear them and me out.
My 10 year old daughter has 45 mins of homework Mon-Thur and a mini project every weekend. I know she is exhausted. Heck, I'm exhausted just from checking it all. I wish they could find balance easier. It is going to be hard enough as adults.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is 8 and she is a VERY prepubescent 8 is who beginning to get really stressed about everything. I was thinking tonight I need to take a step back and stop "demanding" the A's - which she is fully capable of! I think in my case it will be a toggle between letting up on some of the pressure I put on her but also reinforcing your message, that we all must do things we don't want to do - which has been a lifelong lesson for me, for sure!
ReplyDeleteI'm a few years ahead of you and what I have found is that it is imperative to stay on them about school, sleep, and extracurriculars through there sophomore year. Once junior year hit, things clicked.
ReplyDeleteTwo suggestions. First, we cOntacted the teachers of classes he was struggling with and got recommendations for tutors. Pricey but worked wonders. Second, many of the high school teachers (where my boys are) come to school early and stay late to help kids. Inquire yourself then force her to take advantage of those opportunities. She may not be confident enough (as a freashman) to do so on her own!
Thanks for the follow on Twitter. I'm from a few hours north!
This is great advice/insight. Got a tutor, contacted a teacher, have gotten hours that teachers offer help at school...thanks for this! And the fact that it "clicked" junior year helps to give hope, thanks for sharing.
DeleteI can relate to this even though my oldest is only in the 6th grade ... my 2nd grader has WAY too much homework and he even said so the other night ... I told him I agreed with him, but I wasn't in charge of it ... my kids are in extracurricular activities because of what the school doesn't provide and to give them more of that precious self-esteem and pride ... but that makes the 2+ hours a night of homework that my 2nd grader has (and let's face it in 2nd grade it's not just HIM that has to do the homework, I have to be right there to answer questions, proof read, check math problems) very hard to fit into our busy schedule ... they teach to the test ... the standardized tests that give teachers, administrators and superintendents their bonuses ... it's almost like they don't care what they know as long as they appear to know it ...
ReplyDelete