Wednesday's Woman: Light in a Dark Place

Depression, Women, the Holidays and Hope.

Thanksgiving, the official start to the holiday season, is upon us. 

Are you feeling happy, grateful, and excited, anticipating the wonderful food and laughter shared with family?  Or are you feeling stressed, anxious, and tired?  Possibly, and most likely, you are experiencing a mix of emotions. 

For those suffering from depression, the anxiety that accompanies the holidays can be unbearable.  It can be frightening:  the expectations, the money, the time…

….did I mention the expectations?

Contrary to popular belief, occurrences of depression do not increase during the holidays.  However, what is found to be true is that women are more likely to suffer from depression than men.

From the National Institute of Mental Health:

• One in four women will experience severe depression at some point in life.

• Depression affects twice as many women as men, regardless of racial and ethnic background or   income.

• Depression is the number one cause of disability in women.

Wednesday’s Woman is a space to honor women who are doing great things, on a grand, global scale, or on a smaller, but not less significant scale, in the home.  For many women, their greatest feat is getting out of bed.

Today, for Wednesday’s Woman, I am honoring all women who are suffering and/or surviving with depression.  To help me do so, I am grateful to welcome Kristen from the Preppy Girl in Pink:

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Hi, I'm Kristen from The Preppy Girl in Pink. I am a wife, a mom to two girls and work from home part time. I am not always strong but I am rarely weak. My daughters constantly remind me how good life can truly be. 

Light in a Dark Place

It was hard to get out of bed today. The curtains were drawn to keep the street lights out at night but weren't allowing the natural light of the day in either. I hit snooze on the alarm clock again and again. 

I stretched my arms, my legs and my back. I rolled over and faced the curtains. I had to force myself out of the bed and to them.

I pulled the panels apart and there wasn't much change in the light in the room.

It was another grey, cold, damp day. The days that make it hard to get out of bed. 

Could I lie and say it is because of weather like this that I want to sink back into bed and enjoy the coziness of my bed? Yes, I could.

But I won't.

It is the darkness outside my window that awakens the darkness in the soul. 

All of the heartache.

All of the doubt.

All of the guilt.

All of the pressure.

I know I should move one foot at a time in the direction of both of my two daughters' bedrooms. They need to get up and ready for school. 

I can't though.

My feet move me back to my bed. 

I tuck myself back in and feel alone as I lay in the fetal position.

I think to myself, 'Maybe I can just let the day go on around me. Maybe...'

But then I hear a giggle.

And then another.

I glance up and see the light from my 8 year old daughter's bedroom pouring into the hallway. That can only mean one thing, she is reading before the morning routine gets started. Her favorite way to start the day is with a book in her hands. 

She calls out to me, "Mom, do you remember when Ron did this? He cracks me up!" and then reads a few lines from one of the Harry Potter novels that she is currently devouring. 

She belly laughs this time.

And that is when I can feel the sunshine even when I can't see it.

That is when I turn off the alarm clock instead of hitting snooze again. 

That is when I tell myself that I have two daughters that need me. They need all of me. Not just the person going through the actions of the day.

They need my heart. They need my soul. They need to see that I can keep the darkness out with the light they shine upon me.

And I need to allow their light in so that I can let my light shine too. 

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Resources for coping with depression during the holidays:

Stress, depression and the holidays

Dealing with holiday stress

Depression at the holidays

Please know I am grateful for you. . . Happy Thanksgiving!

photo credit: PHOTO/arts Magazine via photopin cc

Valentine's Day Coupons

In December, I somewhat begrudgingly wrote about the tradition of gift giving during the holidays and shared that I would be going the DIY route and giving my girls coupons.  Not the kind of coupons that provide discounts at retailers, but the kind that can be redeemed for tokens or gestures of love from me.  Of course, they were a hit.

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, and the gift budget yet to be fully recovered, I thought it would be fitting to share these simple, but always well-received, tokens of love that you can give to your kids, spouse, baby sitter, or even a teacher.  Simply come up with something you are willing and able to do for the recipient, grab your computing device and printer, and you’re good to go.  To create the coupons below I used Microsoft PowerPoint Templates and in the past have used Microsoft Word templates.  Very easy. Meaningful. Inexpensive. Priceless.

 

More DIY gift ideas at Pinterest.

A Two Household Christmas

“Communicating your love for your child is the single most important thing you can do.” 

 ~the editorial staff at familydoctor.org

Our Christmas is tomorrow, December 23. My coupons are not printed and I still have bite size cheesecakes to make.  If I had until the 25^th, I doubt I would have more accomplished—maybe more stocking stuffers purchased, but not more cookies baked.

Tree, by Antonia, age 11

We are celebrating tomorrow because we are a family of two households.  This year my daughters will be with their dad, step-mom, and step-sister on Christmas Eve and day.  This is problematic for some families and I understand why.  I can feel envious when it’s their father's turn to have them at his home on the calendar day of the holiday.  But this family is a baseball diamond with two home plates where the kids always come first.

This requires communication.  Technology has helped.  My ex-husband and I primarily text and email.  We call when necessary and it's pleasant.  When the girls are with him and his family on the weekends, he keeps me updated on their happenings.  When they are here with me during the week, I regularly update him on their school performance, personal issues, and activity schedules.  We both are aware of what’s going on with grades, crushes, friends, sleepless nights, tummy aches, and accomplishments—the big and the small.  We may no longer be husband and wife but we are still Dad and Mom.   

The girls know that their dad and I communicate regularly.  Our communication is apparent because the girls hear from their dad before dinner about a D- on a science quiz.  They know we have been talking when I ask, "How was going out for pizza on Saturday?'

Having two households is not ideal.  Divorce is messy and emotionally damaging.  But I remember my therapist of a few years ago telling me, "The most important thing you can do to help the girls is to give them respect and love."  I respect them as human beings.  I love them as my daughters.  Therefore, I never let my fear or anger stand in the way of communicating with their dad.  I do not always get it perfect.  And when I don’t, I forgive myself, move on, and try it another way the next time.

The other night, while tucking my 13 year old into bed, I asked, "Are you looking forward to Christmas?"

I thought she may express some uneasiness over the irregular schedule caused by her school break.  I anticipated hearing her express sadness caused from her parents being divorced.  I expected her to be upset that she was having two celebrations and only one of us on Christmas day. 

She said, “Christmas is magical, Mom.  Everyone is so happy.  I am really looking forward to it.”

I said, “Even driving to Wisconsin to see your step-mom’s family?”

She said, “Yes, I like going to Wisconsin.  I have fun there.”

Well, if the kid likes Wisconsin in December, we are doing something right.

There may be two home plates on this baseball field.  There may be two managers.  But there is only one team and the players are all-stars.

Celebrate Family with Web 2.0

We have plenty to do.  There are more cookie recipes to try, presents to buy and the tree has been up with just lights and no trimmings for three days. But after the gifts are opened and bellies are full, what do you do?  You can gather around your technological devices and remember 2011.  Here's some ideas:

Make a family infographic.  I got the idea from My Life as Prose.  Each family member can make their own infographic based on 2011, then you can share and compare.  Find infographic ideas at visual.ly, a site I came across in one of my daily reads Free Technology for Teachers.  Other Web 2.0 tools for creating infographics can be found at MakeUseOf.  (Always preview internet content before browsing with your kids or you may end up discussing things you haven't planned).

I quickly made a family themed infographic at Wordle.  My kids have used this application at school and love it.  The one below was done hastily but still turned out visually appealing.  You can copy and paste text from blogs, journals, and newletters written throughout the year or input words that identify meanigful people and events of 2011.  Once the text is entered, the app generates the infographic for you.  If you like, you can customize the layout, colors, and fonts.  

Get out the popcorn. Make a family film. Last year during the holiday break we made our own video.  We simply used our digital camera's video app and editing tools in Windows Live Movie Maker.  As an alternative, I know you can make some great video slideshows at Animoto.  My daughter made one for her dad of photos and videos from her birth to now and it brings tears to everyone's eyes.  This would be a great way to celebrate 2011 either by creating a video slideshow together or each family member making their own and comparing different perspectives of the same events.  Or you could film a "Year in Review" news broadcast, a cooking show demonstrating how to prepare the family's favorite meals of 2011. . . the possibilities are endless.

I haven't decided how we will make our family film this year, but it is fun to look back on the one from 2010:

Create a family treasure hunt based on family events that transpired in 2011 using the QR Treasure Hunt Generator.  This looks incredibly fun but I just stumbled upon it today via @russeltarr on Twitter and have not tried it.  It is definitely something I am planning to do for our New Year's Eve celebration.

Don't be afraid to incorporate Web 2.0 applications into your family time during the holiday break.  It's a great way to support your children's media literacy skills, which are vital to today's tweens and teens, along with sharing memories of 2011.  There are many more tools out there and if you have some to share, let me know!  Remember Ed tech is not just for teachers.