The Storybooks Got It Wrong

I switched off her desk lamp, turned to her closet with intent to shut its door and she said, “Leave it open. It helps me to dream.”

I was well aware of her obsession with fashion and her dreams of having a walk in closet the size of our small old house.  Without comment, I left the door to her dreams open and sat next to her on her bed.  I was smiling and ready for our nightly talk.

I listened as she recounted her recent birthday trip to New York City.  She described each Manhattan neighborhood.  SoHo was not what she expected, Chelsea was full of energy, Times Square was unreal, and Little Italy was crowded due to the number in attendance for the street fair.  However, one neighborhood was just right.

She said, “the Upper East Side was everything I pictured New York City to be.”

I was in agreement that the Upper East was lovely.  I added that it had one drawback--exclusivity.

Her eyes opened wide, and she said, “But I want that.  Not for the wrong reasons.  Mom, I can just see myself living there.  Dressing up my kids in cute little school uniforms, getting them into a cab.  I am wearing my Burberry coat neatly tied around my waist.  And everything is just perfect.  A great apartment.  Everything.”

I searched for words that would not sound judgmental, but would point out my concern.  I gently put my hand on her blanket-covered belly and patted it as I said, “It’s what’s in here that determines your happiness.  Don’t ever forget that.”

She said, “I know.  Mom, you aren’t going to cry are you?  You look like you are going to cry.”

I held back my tears and smiled.  I kissed her on the forehead and wished her pleasant dreams and a well-deserved rest.  

As I continued my nightly routine of emptying the dishwasher and folding laundry, I clung to her words.  I searched for the source of the tears she witnessed filling my eyes.  I looked around our tiny house and noticed the scratched wood floors, the chipped baseboards, and the water-spotted ceiling.  I was reminded that that I could not afford a plumber.  My body went down with a plop to the couch--the couch I bought 13 years ago.  It was old.  I cried.

Her fantasy on the Upper East Side paralleled life before I divorced her dad:  a lovely home at the end of a cul-de-sac, a pool, and daily commutes to a private school.  The impression of her smiling mom and dad was burned into her heart.  She was not an outsider gazing upon a smokescreen.  For her, the vision was real.  

Was I wrong to desire authenticity and divorce her dad?  In doing so, I destroyed her happiness.  Was she trying to recapture a time of contentment, a time she understood, by creating a picture-perfect life for herself in the future?

Later, as I tried to put myself to sleep, I saw a time when I will not be close enough to tuck her into bed.  I will not be there to listen to her dreams.  I will not be able to comfort her the moment when she realizes the storybooks got it wrong.

photo credit: jamelah via photopin cc

Pros and Cons of Being a Kid

It’s Monday. Time for Monday Listicles brought to you by Stasha, photographer extraordinaire, at The Good Life.  This week’s theme is kids—reasons it’s great to be a child or reasons it is not.  I know I would really enjoy being a kid again.  What about you?  I also know  I really enjoy the Monday Listicles community and I encourage you to check it out and participate.  I mean really, how long does it take to create a list?

Pros and Cons of Being a Child...

Tween... Teen...

Confused Mini-Adult with Toddler Tendencies

Pro: You don’t have to go to work every day.

Con: You have to go to middle school every day.

Pro: You don’t have to do laundry.

Con: Your favorite jeans are never clean the day you want to wear them.

Pro: If your mom feels guilty about your favorite jeans not being clean, you’re most likely going to convince her to get you a glass of milk even though you can get it yourself.

Con: When there is no milk in the refrigerator, you have to wait for someone with cash and wheels to go out and get some.

Pro: You get summers off.

Con: If you act bored during the summer, you’ll be recruited to walk to the store to replenish the milk supply because, “It’s nice outside.”  When you get home, you’ll be recruited to wash the car, clean out closets, and walk the elderly neighbor’s dog.

Pro: You can still get away with playing with your Build-A-Bears.

Con: Your mom blogs about you playing with Build-A-Bears.

Pro: If it's raining, you can contact your mom via your cell and get a ride home after school.

Con: Your mom shows up to pick you up after school in her red plaid jammie pants.

Pro: Your biggest worry is that big math test on Thursday.

Con: Your biggest worries are Friday’s wardrobe decision...who’s going to show up to your party on Saturday...if Mom will get to your laundry on Sunday...Monday’s big zit on the end of your nose...

the big Tuesday surprise of your embarrassing photos from early childhood being posted on Facebook ("MOM, I am totally un-tagging myself!")...

...AND...

wondering on Wednesday if there will ever  

be 

a 

day 

when 

you 

have 

control 

over 

your 

life.

      

 

photo credit: Zoë Campbell via photopin cc

Save It for Later Saturday: Kony Conundrum

I welcome you back to Save It for Later Saturday!  I have not posted one of these weekly overviews since February 6^th.  Why, you ask?  The answer is because I have a severe case of procrastination-distraction. 

In the past month (or more), I have gotten so caught up in reading the articles in my Diigo “read later” list that I ran out of time to compose timely summaries before the new weeks began.  I often thought that a late Sunday night SaveIt for Later Saturday would be perceived as a conundrum.  And maybe it is.  

co·nun·drum [kuh-nuhn-druhm]

anything that puzzles

Yes, it is Sunday. In fact it is Monday in many parts of the world.  However, it behooves me to do a little reviewing of my “read later” list before I move into the new week.  It clears my brain, making room for more to be invited to the information party happening in my head. More so, I am attempting to gain blogging discipline.  And it starts right now.

Let's talk about a another conundrum, Kony 2012.

The Kony 2012 campaign has lost a little steam in the realm of attention.  But I think it deserves more examination.  Currently with over 82 million views, the InvisibleChildren video, a short film about brutal Lord’s Resistance Army leader, Joseph Kony, went viral after its March 5, 2012 upload to YouTube.  Since then there has been an outpouring of support for and criticism of the movement. 

I talked with my children about the campaign to gain a sense of how much attention it was getting in their schools.  I wanted to be sure they were approaching the topic with critical and practical thinking.  After discussing the possible positive and negative outcomes, Sophia, my 13 year old, said, “I do not see anything wrong with it if it brings awareness to the topic.  If it brings attention to the issues in Uganda, then it will bring attention to other situations like it all over the world.”

Good point.  Maybe Kony 2012 will raise awareness of the numerous cases of domestic sex trafficking in the United Sates or the epidemic of child sexual abuse that is happening in our own neighborhoods.

Even better points have been made by the people of Africa and they are insightful, interesting and worthy of reading.  And why wouldn’t they be?  These are the voices of people who actually live there and work in opposition to the LRA on a daily basis.  If we want to be well-informed, we shouldn’t stop at viewing the Invisible Children film.  They only got it partially right.  And it feeds our “savior complex”.  

If you read only one more article about Kony 2012, read this one by Solome Lemma.

And now we have a problem with one of the Invisible Children filmmakers, Jason Russell.  Apparently he has been hospitalized for “exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition, after having a very disturbing public meltdown that involved nudity and vandalism.  I see mental-health issues all over this one, although sources close to Russell deny it to be a factor. 

Whether the issue is mental-illness, physical illness, or addiction illness does not matter.  What matters is that Russell’s public breakdown brings to light that Americans 1) harbor resentment for people of success and devour them like prey when problems arise, and 2) prefer to make a joke of problems at home while feeling important for buying a $1 wrist band to “help” an international cause.  

Instead of using Russell’s sad display for entertainment, why don’t we explore what happens to those we harshly criticize via social media?  It seems to me to be one big bullying incident.  And we all know that bullying is a big problem in America.

If my name was Cinderella, my carriage would now be a pumpkin.  It's 12:03 a.m. which means it's Monday. Check back next week to see if I get Save It for Later Saturday posted on, um, Saturday.

See you next week!

photo credit: elycefeliz via photopin cc

Why Blog?

The Great Blogging Anniversary is happening right now.  In fact, it’s been happening all week.  Five bloggers have joined forces to make the celebration grand and it includes a link up.  I am terribly grateful to finally overcome distractions and join the event.  I encourage you to do the same. 

Don’t let the fact that the clock is ticking near to the end of the festivities keep you from answering one of their seven prompts.  I guarantee you’ll find them to be of value, helping you gain insight to what you are doing in the blogosphere (you can find my insight below).  After you post, you can expand your views by reading other participant’s submissions.  And the bonus is, you’ll get read, too.  Double bonus:  I think I read something about prizes!

What I thought I'd Be Writing About When I Started Sperk*

When I started Sperk* I was familiar with expressing myself through writing.  I maintained a journal since I was an adolescent.  It kept me from writing on the walls and furniture with my mom’s lipstick.  

Two years ago I returned to school to finish my degree and my personal writing fell by the wayside.  Although I missed my time for my journal, I became more skilled as a writer, adjusting my style to suit the needs of academics.  My writing became less stream of conscious and more purposeful.

Last October, I saw the end of daily academic writing drawing near with my final course to be completed in November.  I knew I would miss it.  As autumn was in the fore, I became concerned about falling into my typical mode of seasonal depression.  So, I started Sperk*.

I thought Sperk* may be a creative space—a place to explore the imaginary in order to connect with the fuzzy stuff in my brain.  On the other hand, I thought I may use it as a space for commentary on current issues in education.  And of course I thought, “Maybe parenting?”

After a few weeks, I realized I was mostly writing about trends in educational technology and parenting.  So I decided I had a niche: A parent’s view of adolescent development and education.  But it didn’t last long.

When reading the blogs of others, creating my blogging community, I was profoundly moved by some of the stories I read--stories that were not easily left on their pages.  They were with me the day I discovered a writing prompt dealing with the telling of family stories.  The provocation began to preoccupy me.  There was a nagging bug in my brain.  I felt that if I did not exorcise my thoughts, I may not be able to continue Sperk*.  And I was shocked that this blogging business had become so important to me so swiftly.

I responded to the prompt but sat many minutes staring at my computer screen before clicking “publish”.  I had M read it.  He said, “Are you sure you want to post it?  Is it safe?”

I said, “I am not sure. But I have to.”

Moving into the world of risky self-disclosure helped me to understand why I blog.  It is like medicine to me.  And the pills are distributed not only through my act of catharsis, but also through the comments left by members of my blogging community.  I find words of encouragement, empathy, and brave admissions of sharing similar experiences.  I make meaningful connections.

“Exposure to children is exposure to one’s own unresolved past” 

~Michael Thompson

Sperk* is now a fearless examination of life with two adolescent daughters.  As I parent my girls, it is important for me to address my own issues so that I am authentic and effective.  It’s not always easy.  I still battle with fear and self-doubt every time I click “publish”.  But it’s worth it.  It brings empowerment.  

I am finding my voice by sharing my personal stories, accounts of parenting experiences, and Wednesday’s Woman--my series that spotlights female role models.  It is possible one may stumble upon Sperk* and assume it to be a feminist space.   And maybe it is.  After all, blogging is number 26 on the Feminist Activities Guide: 100 Activities You can Do Now.  But, I avoid using the label because the stereotypical image clouds the message.

My content is not affected by my concern of how a reader may label or categorize my blog.  I understand that my need for voice and connections within an authentic community trump popularity.  But I won’t balk at popularity if it comes.  Why wouldn’t I want to be Seth Godin?  Especially if I adhere to his philosophy:

“I'm not writing to maximize my SEO or conversion or even my readership.  I'm writing to do justice to the things I notice, to the ideas in my head and to the people who choose to read my work."

~Seth Godin 

Happy Blogging Anniversary!

Literal Mom

Do Sweat the Small Stuff

It Builds Character

The Woven Moments

The Adventures of Daddy Runs a Lot

photo credit: Mexicanwave via photopin cc
photo credit: Foxtongue via photopin cc

Wednesday's Woman: A Call to Action

This week’s Wednesday's Woman was written and submitted by Anna Mahler, of The Mommy Padawan.  I am certain you get the “Mommy” part.  But are you familiar with the term “Padawan”? 

A "padawan" is a term for “student” taken from the film Star Wars.  I think the title of Anna’s blog is fitting.  She is a careful observer of life and looks to her experiences for opportunities to grow as a woman, wife, and mother.  She sees her three year old son as her greatest teacher.  

  

Students learn most through their experiences teaching others.  Anna is no exception.  She shares the wisdom she has gained as a wife and mother in her ebook You are Loved - Caring for Our Children, Families, and Ourselves with Loving Kindness.   

Her philosophy of self-care allows her to create a harmonious home.  Self-care also allows her to recognize the importance of sharing her uplifting attitudes with the readers of her blog.  I encourage you to spend time at The Mommy Padawan where you will find a voice of authenticity, grace, warmth and courage.

Today, Anna tells the story of Lisa Shannon, founder of A Thousand Sister’s.  Anna states, “Lisa Shannon is an amazing example of what can happen when one person decides to take action.”  

I am grateful Anna decided to “take action” and be the first to guest post for Wednesday's Woman.

Wednesday's Woman, Lisa Shannon

by Anna Mahler

When first learning about horrible suffering going on in different places in the world, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and hopeless. It can seem as though, when something is happening so far away, so many are suffering and I am only one person, what good can I really do?

Lisa Shannon is an amazing example of what can happen when one person decides to take action.

At home in Portland in 2005, Lisa first learned about the epidemic of rape and suffering in Congo while watching an episode of Oprah.  That day, Lisa went online to Women For Women International and sponsored two sisters. Wanting to do more, she single handedly started the Run For Congo Women to raise funds for additional sponsorships.  But she also did this to send a message; that these women did matter. They were not forgotten or worthless (as the militia there would want them to believe). The first year, she ran alone but raised almost twenty eight thousand dollars. Today, there are runs and walks for Congolese women taking place all over the United States, bringing sponsorship, aid and hope to women survivors.

The DR of Congo has been termed the worst place on earth to be a woman.  Organized rape, torture and murder is an everyday reality. Many women have also lost children due to sickness or poor living conditions while hiding from the militia's attacks in the jungle. As a women, I am beyond saddened and outraged by this. As a mother, I am horrified and shaken to the core.

It's hard to read the stories Lisa Shannon brings back from her visits to the Congo and it's impossible for me to read her website without feeling the darkness of the lives of the surviving women and children. But we need to know their stories, because these women do matter.

In 2007, Lisa traveled to Eastern Congo and returned again in May 2008 and February 2010.  Her book, A Thousand Sisters, is the story of her journey as well as those of her Congo sisters, many she was able to meet in person. At times, feeling her efforts were like “tossing teaspoons on water on a raging fire”, Lisa has never given up helping the Congolese women and their families,  raising awareness and even bringing the cause to the doorstep of the American Government. 

Lisa Shannon: A Thousand Sisters:My Journey into the Worst Place on Earth to be a Woman from Expanded Books on Vimeo.

Named the 2006 Hero of Running by “Runner’s World” magazine, Lisa Shannon is currently an ambassador for Women for Women International and was recently named one of the twenty most powerful women in the world by O Magazine.

This was accomplished by one woman who became aware of a horrible situation and decided to act.

Living proof that one person can make a difference.

You can learn more about Lisa and her visit to the Congo by watching the video at A Thousand Sisters.

Do you want to run for Congo women?  Go to  Run for Congo Women.

Learn about sponsoring and changing a woman's life at Women for Women.

*How sponsoring through Women for Women International works: A portion of the monthly sponsorship amount is given directly to a woman for basic needs but the women are also provided classes on woman's rights, literacy, nutrition, family planning and vocational training. Finally, a portion of the money donated is put in to a savings account the women can use to invest in a business once they graduate from the training courses. An equally important part of the sponsorship also involves receiving and sending letters to your sponsored sister in the Congo and this has also helped to give hope and let a woman who is truly suffering know, she is not forgotten, she is not alone.

Wednesday's Woman is a weekly feature dedicated to spotlighting women who are role models for our daughters. . . and the world.  

Do you know a Wednesday's Woman?  Contact me for a guest post.

**Read past Wednesday's Woman features!**