Save It for Later: Manti Te'o, Kids Online Safety and More

This week: Manti Te'o and our kids' safety in social media, expressing emotions, Notre Dame cover-ups, the flu, and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Save It for Later is a series wherein I share the best from the Web that I bookmarked throughout the week to read later, at week’s end, when I have time.  Here’s what I found most interesting and useful from this week.

In light of the Manti Te'o scandal, how do we talk to our kids about online safety?

With the fantastic and tragic Manti Te’o story taking the forefront this week, a story about a star college athlete being duped, or victim of an elaborate Catfish scheme, wherein he was tricked into believing a beloved online girlfriend had died then finding out she never even existed, I wondered how I could protect my children, who are a tween and teen regularly using social media, from falling victim to such pranks.  Of course, we discussed the situation and I was stunned at the knowledge they already possess.

Keeping the lines of communication open with my kids is key to keeping them safe online.  Also, online monitoring is vital.  Some of this I do with them knowing, some monitoring happens without them knowing.  Which is better?  Check out these two articles from NetFamilyNews.org:Tech Intelligence for Parents as a start:  

Important granularity on Net risk for teens: Study

The trust factor in parenting online kids

Take some time to explore NetFamilyNews.org.  This site is accessible and intelligent in its suggestions for parenting in the digital age, the age of social media.

Why is a fake dead girl more important than a real dead girl to Notre Dame?

Continuing with the Manti Te’o fiasco, he is alum of Notre Dame.  My beef with Notre Dame is that they have given more press time and more empathy in a situation that involves a fake dead girl when there is a real dead girl that is rarely mentioned.  A young woman was raped by a member of the Fighting Irish football team, bullied into keeping quiet, and later committed suicide.  I have much to say on this issue, but I’ll start by providing you links from several outlets reporting on this horrific incident:

Notre Dame Football Players Rape Cover-up – What’s in the News and What Isn’t

Notre Dame's Reaction To The Te'o Hoax Vs. Its Reaction To Sexual Assault Allegations

These types of stories obviously bring forth strong emotions.  As adult parents it’s sometimes difficult to know how to appropriatly express our anger and sadness in these situations.  Also, we need to  help our children appropriately express their feelings when tragedy, whether major or minor, comes forth via the media.

iPad App to help young children identify emotions

It’s our responsibility as parents to allow our children to have their emotions and give them tools for them to be successful.  This needs to start early in their lives, which brings me to my next great find of the week.  

There is a great iPad app called MoodyMonster Manor that according to Free Technology for Teachers,

“...is designed to help children learn to recognize emotions. Moody Monster Manor features twenty cartoon monsters that represent emotions that children commonly experience.
After meeting all of the monsters in Moody Monster Manor children can help the monsters deal with their emotions in four fun games (more games are in development). Children can help Hungry Hank make a snack, help Worried Wanda with her homework, and help Confused Carl match name tags to monsters. My favorite of the games is helping Scared Sam capture bad dreams so that he can get to sleep. To help Scared Sam capture the bad dreams students have to move their iPads left and right to shine a virtual flashlight on the bad dreams.” (Richard Byrne)

What strategies do you use to help your kids of any age develop tools to express their emotions?

Also in the news, the Flu and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

More things in the news this week include the honoring of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and the flu epidemic that is severely affecting children.  Below are some informative links on the protecting your children from the flu and some fun learning activities for MLK Day:

Know What to Do about the Flu

Flu Resources for Parents and Teachers

Learning through Play: 6 Kid-Friendly Activities for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day (younger kids)

Martin Luther King Activities (older kids)


What did you find most interesting on the Web or in the news this week?

photo credit: Fanie! via photopin cc photo credit: San Diego Shooter via photopin cc
photo credit: mdanys via photopin cc
photo credit: GiantsFanatic via photopin cc

Save It for Later Saturday: Teens on Google+, Early Ed, and Picnik

In Save It for Later Saturday you’re getting a brief run-down of the stand-outs from my week's "Read Later" list.  This week, please replace the word Saturday with Monday.  I took the weekend off and watched movies while lounging on the couch with my dogs.  Don’t you love January?  You’ll love the best of my “Read Later” list from Diigo.

There are plenty of opinions on teens and social media.  In Driving Online Without a License I outlined my own opinion and experience with introducing Facebook to my daughter.  In short, I think that teens should use social media. But, just as parents set guidelines for social behavior when teens leave the house, guidelines must be set for social online behavior.  One way to create boundaries for online behavior is to establish rules for content sharing. Last week, Google announced that Google+ will now be open for teens ages 13-18 and created a different set of safety features for the age group.  I recommend going through the privacy settings on Google+ with your teen as she sets up her account.  Any interaction you have with your teen while she is online enhances her media literacy skills, her knowledge of online etiquette (netiquette), and provides opportunities for discussing what is deemed appropriate to share.  You can explore Google+ Features for teens in the Google+ Safety Center, download A Parent's Guide to Google+ from ConnectSafely.org, or read an in depth article by Larry Magid at Huffington Post.  

Speaking of teens, during last week’s State of the Union Address, President Obama proposed that in order to decrease the high school dropout rate, states should require students to attend high school until they graduate or turn 18 (currently only 21 states have this as a requirement).  Increasing graduation rates is good for the economy and I am for anything that helps kids stay in school.  However, as Henry M. Levin and Cecilia E. Rouse point out in the New York Times, the answer to school completion lies in quality early learning.  Additionally, researchers are discovering that early learning is significant to living a successful life beyond one’s school career.  If you are interested in finding out your state’s policy on early education, you can find information in the NAEYC's State Early Care and Education Public Policy Developments: Fiscal Year 2012.

Another announcement came from Google last week that may have upset more than a few.  The popular photo editing tool, Picnik, will no longer be available.  Fear not.  David Byrne, at Free Technology for Teachers offers a great list of alternatives including, FlauntR, GooEdit, and more.  You can find a complete list of Google product changes here.

See you next Saturday.

photo credit: Stuck in Customs via photopin cc
photo credit: kevin dooley via photopin cc
photo credit: Thomas Hawk via photopin cc

Hey Rookie, Don't Forget the Facebook Rules

You know you’re a rookie mom when you. . .

Last month in Driving Online Without a License, I shared the research project that my 13 year old daughter was required to complete in order to open her own Facebook account.  Along with the successful completion of the project, there were guidelines, or online rules, in which she was to follow.  All went well at first.  She was thrilled to have her project accepted and willing to abide by the rules.  However, I had no idea how many more expectations needed to be in place.

One guideline I set for Facebook was to limit the number of friends she accepted.  She was o.k. with this regulation.  She felt that friend collecting was a ridiculous attempt to look popular.  Agreed.  So, we established that she should limit her accepted friend requests to those that came from real friends.  I was content that we were in accord—mother and teen daughter in harmony, a blessing.

Her list of friends has increased to the count of 224.  It is difficult for me to believe that she knows this many people.  However, I failed to define what “knowing” really means.  And I failed to establish a number limit which I now think should be 50.  

50 friends are plenty to network with when one is 13 years old. Management of who sees what can be overwhelming.  I do not feel my daughter needs to be placed in a situation where she is no longer in control of who has access to her personal thoughts and information--material that can be re-shared by people she knows not well enough to trust, communication that can be misconstrued to mean something other than what was intended.

I also chose not to set an age limit on friends because there are adults I feel that are o.k. on Facebook, like parents of friends, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.  However, one day I was spot-checking her computer (a task I will go over in a future blog post) and noticed that displayed in her messages was a profile picture of a young man that looked older than her typical friends.  He looked like someone in high school.  I think it was the fact that he had his arm wrapped around this year’s Homecoming Queen.

I do not usually read her messages.  I feel that would be an invasion of privacy.  I simply look down the row of profile photos displayed in the inbox to see with whom she’s been interacting.  But this one I read.  

The message was innocent from the point of view of a 13 year old.  From the point of view of the mother of a 13 year old girl it was manipulative.  And he gave her his number—just in case she "ever wanted to talk."

I was so mad.  Mad at him. Mostly mad at myself for not setting a boundary that needed to be set:  No private communication with anyone more than two years older.

Communicating with my daughter about this was tricky.  I had to tell her I read the message.  Whoa, the anger she displayed.  But, I understood.  I imagine she thought I read all of her messages. 

I had to explain that a senior in high school should not be privately communicating with a 13 year old female.  The dangers of girls with older boys are real.    She heard, “You were wrong for communicating with him and he is the Big Bad Wolf.”

By the end of the conversation, which to me felt like was happening in slow motion, she understood that she did nothing wrong.  The guideline for the age limit of who she has private communication with was set.  But I could have avoided causing her to feel as if she had done something wrong by setting the age restriction earlier—before she got onto Facebook.  I feel badly that my oversight caused her pain.  

That evening she posted as a status update something like I hate 8^th Grade.   I assume it was due to how she was feeling about our conversation, the new Facebook rule, or how difficult it is to grow up.  I was not alarmed by her update. 

Why?  

Because it didn’t say, “I hate 8^th grade and my mom is mean and I can no longer privately speak to John Doe.”  So, the research project complete with presentations and discussions about appropriate online behavior has worked.  But I’m definitely a rookie mom at this.  I am new to navigating as a rule maker and protector of my daughter through the world of social media—a place she needs to be in order to socialize, and a place I want her to  be while she is at home, in my care, and receiving my support.

She has taken a one month sabbatical from Facebook because she has the lead in the school musical and wants no distractions as she prepares.  I am the one that shared the article that suggests a social media break as a New Year’s resolution, but it was her decision to remove it from her plate.  To show my support, I too am on a one month sabbatical from Facebook. 

When we return, I plan to assist her in organizing her 224 friends into lists and possibly cutting the number down to 50.  This will teach her more about navigating Facebook appropriately and will offer me an opportunity to get to know her contacts.

Now onto the task that is Google Plus.  I understand that users can protect their privacy by creating circles.  But yesterday I noticed a gentleman--whose profile picture displays a moment in time when he decided to lick his shoe--has added me to his “acquaintances” circle. 

Is there any way to prevent others from adding me to their circles?  And who will want to add my 13 year old daughter to theirs?

BlogHer Featured Member Post

                                              

Gratitude for Quirk'n It

Jennifer, who writes Quirk'n It, nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award.  Before I begin to compose the nomination criteria, I must confess I had not heard of the Versatile Blogger Award. I did a Google search and could not find its origin. Our friends at Wikipedia do not have an entry for it.  Therefore, I have surmised that it is recognition from a fellow blogger.  Acknowledgement rules.  I am grateful, humbled, and surprised.

 

The rules for the Versatile Blog Awards are:    

• Nominate up to 15 fellow bloggers.
• Inform the bloggers of their nomination.
• Share 7 random things about yourself.
• Thank the blogger who nominated you.
• Add the Versatile Blog Award picture on your blog post

Nominations

I could write a brief description of these blogs, but it is better to go to these places and see them as they are meant to be seen.

Honest Conversations
Stuff that Bugs Me 
Literal Mom
Do Sweat the Small Stuff
Mommy 2 Cents
Striving to be Bold

My Life as Prose

4 Bad Mommies

Sarah and the Goon Squad

Unruly Helpmeet

Daily Writing Practice

Seven Random Things about Myself

I love Monster energy drinks.
I am addicted to salt and vinegar chips.
Santa has never brought me a German Shepherd.
Music makes me happy.
My kids make me a better person.
In my former life I was a movie star.
I beat my addiction to Say Yes to the Dress.

And now I will thank Jennifer, the blogger who nominated me:  You’re inspiring.  Thank you. 

Quirk'n It

Driving Online Without A License

Last year my young teen daughter began whining “I NEED A FACEBOOK!” at a pitch that would drive even the well-adjusted ear mad. This happened at least once a day with exponential growth occurring in how often and how loud this exclamation was heard.  On the rare occasion that she could calmly speak about the topic, her argument was that all her friends no longer used email or Google Buzz.  According to her, there was “. . . no way to keep in touch with everyone.” 

I found this a bit silly at first considering that I survived my teen years without the internet.  And yes, she no longer went to school with her closest friends, but she could always pick up the cell phone I provided for her.  And all of her new school friends lived within 2.5 miles of the house.  Why Facebook?

She exclaimed, “Everyone is on Facebook!”

She was right.  Even though I frequently discuss the perils of peer pressure, I could not see keeping her from the place where her friends were socializing.  It’s no longer at the corner pizza place, on the phone, or even via email.  Facebook is a necessity.

I did not want her to begin interacting on Facebook before she had a clear understanding of the responsibility tied to using technology for social networking.  If I said, “Here are the keys to the car,” before she had driver’s education, I would be off my rocker.  So here’s what I did:

I created a social media research project that had to be presented to me in order to open a Facebook account.  

The project included short essays and presentations on various topics concerning computer literacy and social media.  She wrote about the history of the computer, the internet, Apple vs. Microsoft, Facebook, Google, LAN and WAN, netiquette and Socialnomics.  Presentations were made using either a Microsoft Office or Web 2.0 tool.  

Photo Credit

She was very resistant to the project, but the desire to have a Facebook account outweighed her disdain for the idea of the work involved.  Because of her school work and activities, it took her three months to complete the entire list of project components.  And some I had her edit or do over until she illustrated she had an understanding of what she learned and how to apply it.  

Was it a lot of work?  Yes.  

Was it fun?  I am sure she would say, “No.”  But I disagree.

The video recorded interview that she did with her dad, a retail executive, for her presentation on Socialnomics, looked fun to me.  And her use of PowerPoint, Windows Live Movie Maker and Prezi for other presentations exhibited signs of fun and creativity.  She was also required to create a web page using Google Sites.  Even if she would not describe it as fun, I saw some excitement in her face when she was researching facts about the Beatles to include on her site.   

There was more complaining to endure when she reached the final component of the project because the required length was longer than the rest.  It was the most important entitled, 

How do I want the world to know me?

I explained that once she enters the world of social networking, she’s there forever.  Every post counts.  This is how everyone, all of the friends she wants to keep up with and the world, will know her.  There is no taking it back.  There is no chance of a verbal explanation of what she intended to communicate.  Posts online are Polaroid snapshots of her life on her permanent record.

She tackled the How I Want the World to Know Me presentation by using the web camera on her laptop.  She toted her open laptop around the house giving details about why she likes spending time in each part of the home.  This was clever.   Even though it is difficult to go unnoticed in this small house, I was pleasantly surprised by some of the specifics in her final edited video.

She was elated when the project was approved.  She squealed with excitement that she could finally become social again. She thought, “Project complete.  Facebook account opened.  Done.”

She was wrong.  I set up expectations for using Facebook.  Online safety is crucial. But this was more unpopular than the research project.  

Some of the guidelines I set are that I am to know her password, do random spot checks while she is online, and limit her time spent socially connected until after homework is done.  The time boundary is difficult because social media is a powerful collaborative tool for homework.  This is where coming into her room and peaking over her shoulder, or ‘spot checks’, becomes effective.

Online safety issues continue to emerge and evolve as she gets older and her circle of friends becomes larger.  I recommend setting a limit on the amount of friends your child has on Facebook.  I also recommend you know who your child is friends with on Facebook and know who she interacts with the most.  It’s not an easy task.  It takes time.  But remember, you can’t drive by the corner pizza shop to see if your kid is hanging out with the wrong crowd.  It’s online.

We can’t keep our kids from socializing online.  We need to support it just like every other stage of development.  This is our responsibility as global citizens.  We must not be afraid.

Even if your kids are already using social media, I encourage you to implement a research project.  The project can include how they use technology for socializing, school, and entertainment.  It will give them opportunities to try new applications, develop critical thinking skills, and become aware of online safety.  It will support the development of media literacy.

It may be fun to do a project with your child.  You can brush up on your knowledge of your home network, new software, and your own online persona.  But do not go back and look at your old MySpace profile.  That is, unless you want to show your kids what happens when you get the keys to the car without a license.

A Morning in the Life

Day two of the “About Me” blogging exercise.  Routine and rituals are important for kids.  I thought if you had a glimpse of our morning routine, complete with most rituals, you’d get to know Sperk* a bit better.  Here’s a timeline:

6:00 a.m.             

• Open Eyes, check to see if breathing, if yes, continue
• Make Sophia breakfast which consists of a Balance Bar and a cup of 2% milk

                            

6:15 a.m.               

• Wake Sophia 
• Sit across the table from Sophia, both have our laptops, and discuss what we have found interesting online 
• Play Fashion Story, WordFeud, and Words with Friends
• Check Twitter, read articles and blogs of interest, save thought-provoking items in Diigo
• Check Cozi Family Calendar

                     

                             

                   

 6:45 a.m.              

• Sophia gets ready for school
• Open Spotify
• Pack Sophia's lunch which usually consists of a sandwich with processed meat, cheese, and mustard; apples (sometimes strawberries); carrots; a bag of chips; and a Horizon Organic Chocolate milk

 

7:00 a.m.              

• Tend to Sophia’s wardrobe, chore, and after school requests/needs
• Let dogs out. (Bexley has an ordinance wherein residents cannot have barking dogs out before 7am or I would do it sooner)

7:15 a.m.              

• Make Antonia’s breakfast (same as Sophia’s)
• Let dogs in

7:25 a.m.              

• Wake Antonia 

 

7:30 a.m.               

• Drive one mile with Sophia in passenger seat of car. Drop her at BMS.

7:35 a.m.             

• Home. Listen to Antonia’s complaints which usually consist of, “I am tired, I have a headache, and my nose is stuffy," because she is usually tired and is allergic to our Chihuahuas
• Let dogs out (they have tiny bladders)

7:45 a.m.              

• Encourage Antonia to get ready for school
• Pack her lunch (Same as Sophia's)
• Let Dogs in
• Play Fashion Story, WordFeud, Words with Friends; fold laundry (if necessary), Tweet, read something online and share to Twitter or email via Shareaholic           

8:20 a.m.              

• Yell to Antonia’s bedroom that she has to be at school in five minutes

8:25 a.m. 

• Frantically put Antonia’s lunchbox into her backpack that she carries from her room once she emerges

                            

 8:26 a.m.               

• Yell things like “I love you!” and “Have a great day!” very loudly out the door to Antonia as she walks down the street heading towards school

 8:25 a.m.               

•  Let dogs out