Five Minute Friday: Gift

I have been given gifts and I have given gifts. When I was little I enjoyed getting them. Now that I am grown, I prefer to give. It makes me feel good.  So do I give gifts for me or for the recipient?  And if there is a God, does he give so that he feels better or for the recipient?

I believe he does it for the greater good of life itself.  Which is love. Which is God.

The greatest gift I have ever been given is someone coming back for me when he knew I was in trouble.  I tried to call, but didn’t have the number.  He just knew.  And got there just in time.  And called 911.  And because of him, I lived.  Or because of his intuition. Intuition is a gift.  It is possibly God speaking to us.  And God spoke to him and now I live.  A gift.

Some days I forget to have gratitude for this most special gift I have been given and get upset about the little things, like the shower that needs fixed, or the kitchen that isn’t yet fully painted.  But really, if I wasn’t here, if he weren’t here, what would a shower or painted wall mean?  Are they significant?

Of course, it would be a wonderful gift to have those things done.  But hasn’t he done enough? 

I’m laughing.  I’m glad to be alive.

Note: This is my first stream-of-conscious writing (or free writing) post.  I have engaged in the activity before, but being a perfectionist, chose not to post any of the outcomes.  I was inspired by Kimberly, Rubber Chicken Madness, who linked her Five Minute Friday post from last week to Yeah Write #50.  She was able to access the emotion I feel when my girls are away for the weekend at their dad’s, which I haven’t been able to do successfully.  

So, in honor of shared experiences that sometimes are better articulated by our fellow-bloggers, I checked out the Five Minute Fridaylink-up at Gypsy Mama.  This week’s word to use as catalyst for free writing was “gift”.  There are many great outcomes found in the link-up authored by great bloggers, and I encourage you to check it out.

Wednesday's Woman: Impacting Families

 

I am grateful to have Anna Mahler of The Mommy Padawan back to guest post for this week's Wednesday's Woman.  

Anna shares my passion for honoring the women of the world who strive to make a positive impact on the lives of others.  Like last week, because of her willingness to contribute to Wednesday's Woman, Anna has brought to my attention another visionary, activist, and advocate.--Dr. Jane Aronson. 

Raising awareness of these great women and their work inspires us on our own quests to be courageous and impactful.  Help us to stay inspired!  After you check out Anna at Mommy Padawan, consider contributing to Wednesday's Woman.  Simply drop me an email by clicking the envelop below, and share your knowledge of a Wednesday's Woman.

Wednesday's Woman -  Pediatrician, Dr. Jane Aronson

Doctor Jane Aronson is a hero to me for several reasons. She's a true humanitarian and an advocate for orphaned children around the world. Her work has included evaluating children adopted from abroad and she has consulted with thousands of families on the adoption process, including Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. But what I also love about Jane Aronson is her vision for more permanent future solutions, working with entire communities to help enable families to stay together.

I first learned about Jane Aronson when she was nominated as a 2009 woman of the year by Glamour Magazine and was immediately affected while reading about what she encountered while touring overseas orphanages in the 90's, describing the smell alone as “that terrible odor of filth and illness and neglect.”

Witnessing starving, sick and neglected children would cause anyone to be upset or walk away thinking and feeling something should be done. Jane Aronson took the next step.

In 1997, she founded the Worldwide Orphans Foundation (WWO), a not-for-profit organization that provides direct services to orphans abroad. 

From Jane's bio on the WWO website:

“The mission of my foundation is to transform the lives of orphaned children by providing them with medical care, education, and by addressing their developmental issues. WWO acts as global parents for orphans. WWO sends students and healthcare professionals as participants in the Orphan Ranger Program to live and work in orphanages to form liaisons with orphanage educators, staff, and doctors. In addition, we also send Service Rangers, groups of families to work at the orphanage on a specific project for a limited time period. “

A favorite part of the services WWO provides that I found on the site is setting up “granny” programs where retired individuals are matched with children in local institutions. The “grannies” work  on a one-to-one basis with a child, feeding, playing, singing songs, holding and encouraging their child and the little ones respond with tremendous developmental advances, better growth, and most importantly, by learning how to love and be loved.

But more than just wanting to help children without permanent homes, Dr Aronson is concerned with finding solutions for the bigger issue; how and why so many children are becoming orphaned in the first place.

From an interview in the Washington Times Community, Dr Aronson explains:

“Every orphan is in someway connected to a community. If we can help support that community, we help the kids. We focus on the community. What’s going wrong there to create orphans? Battered families? Illness? Extreme poverty? We try to focus on alleviate the causes. For instance, we set up the Family Resource Center in Vietnam, which supports parents who are HIV positive. If we can help them stay well, we help their children stay within a family and prevent them from becoming orphans.

Adoption is obviously the gold standard. Every kid deserves a permanent family in a safe and loving home. The trouble is the orphan problem is too great to be resolved through adoption alone. There just are too many children. There has to be another solution to support these kids. To me, orphans symbolize the lack of justice in the world. These children are the victims of poor adult decisions and the big picture is that it’s incredibly sad that human beings allow this to happen. But the fact is they do, these kids exist and we have a moral obligation to do something about it.”

Every orphan is connected to a community and every child does deserve a safe and loving home. Learn about the community, help the people, heal families and keep them together. This, along with all the other work Doctor Aronson does, is what makes her an inspiration and hero to me.

In the United States, Jane still practices pediatric medicine in Manhattan as well as being a parent to her own two adopted children.

Dr. Jane Aronson

Read more about Dr. Jane Aronson on her website.
Learn more about her organization, the Worldwide Orphans Foundation at http://www.wwo.org/

Follow her on Twitter @orphandoctor

Ten Make it Easier

photo credit

I had visions of getting into a disciplined blogging groove last week while the kids were on Spring Break with their dad.  However, it turned out that having an extended play-date with my significant other, M, overruled all regulation of activity.

Thankfully, I can ease back into things with a relatively easy Monday Listicles.  Terri, of Terri Sonoda, came up with today's topic, "10 Things That Make Life Easier."  I know that the great blogging community created by Stasha at The Good Life, is one thing that certainly makes Monday easier, and I am grateful.

 

Ten that make life easier (in no particular order):

Car – It’s old, but it works. The bus line here isn’t extensive. I feel for those I see waiting at the stop.

Mini Shop Vac – Collects all the stray dog hair left on EVERYTHING by my three Chihuahuas.

Samsung Epic Smartphone – I rarely use it as a phone; I don’t like to talk. I use it for texting, Twitter, and playing Word Feud and my latest addiction, Draw Something.

Toshiba Laptop – I’m on it now, later, and a moment ago.

Google – I look up everything.  And I enjoy the Droid OS on my smartphone.

Spotify – It helps me stay connected to my teen by sharing music.  And I love music.

Microwave – I’m no chef.  Everything would be raw if it weren’t for the ol’ thing.

Bank Card – I don’t even want to imagine life without automatic teller machines and online shopping.

My Dogs – They make me smile.

My Girls and M – They make it all worthwhile.

The Storybooks Got It Wrong

I switched off her desk lamp, turned to her closet with intent to shut its door and she said, “Leave it open. It helps me to dream.”

I was well aware of her obsession with fashion and her dreams of having a walk in closet the size of our small old house.  Without comment, I left the door to her dreams open and sat next to her on her bed.  I was smiling and ready for our nightly talk.

I listened as she recounted her recent birthday trip to New York City.  She described each Manhattan neighborhood.  SoHo was not what she expected, Chelsea was full of energy, Times Square was unreal, and Little Italy was crowded due to the number in attendance for the street fair.  However, one neighborhood was just right.

She said, “the Upper East Side was everything I pictured New York City to be.”

I was in agreement that the Upper East was lovely.  I added that it had one drawback--exclusivity.

Her eyes opened wide, and she said, “But I want that.  Not for the wrong reasons.  Mom, I can just see myself living there.  Dressing up my kids in cute little school uniforms, getting them into a cab.  I am wearing my Burberry coat neatly tied around my waist.  And everything is just perfect.  A great apartment.  Everything.”

I searched for words that would not sound judgmental, but would point out my concern.  I gently put my hand on her blanket-covered belly and patted it as I said, “It’s what’s in here that determines your happiness.  Don’t ever forget that.”

She said, “I know.  Mom, you aren’t going to cry are you?  You look like you are going to cry.”

I held back my tears and smiled.  I kissed her on the forehead and wished her pleasant dreams and a well-deserved rest.  

As I continued my nightly routine of emptying the dishwasher and folding laundry, I clung to her words.  I searched for the source of the tears she witnessed filling my eyes.  I looked around our tiny house and noticed the scratched wood floors, the chipped baseboards, and the water-spotted ceiling.  I was reminded that that I could not afford a plumber.  My body went down with a plop to the couch--the couch I bought 13 years ago.  It was old.  I cried.

Her fantasy on the Upper East Side paralleled life before I divorced her dad:  a lovely home at the end of a cul-de-sac, a pool, and daily commutes to a private school.  The impression of her smiling mom and dad was burned into her heart.  She was not an outsider gazing upon a smokescreen.  For her, the vision was real.  

Was I wrong to desire authenticity and divorce her dad?  In doing so, I destroyed her happiness.  Was she trying to recapture a time of contentment, a time she understood, by creating a picture-perfect life for herself in the future?

Later, as I tried to put myself to sleep, I saw a time when I will not be close enough to tuck her into bed.  I will not be there to listen to her dreams.  I will not be able to comfort her the moment when she realizes the storybooks got it wrong.

photo credit: jamelah via photopin cc

Pros and Cons of Being a Kid

It’s Monday. Time for Monday Listicles brought to you by Stasha, photographer extraordinaire, at The Good Life.  This week’s theme is kids—reasons it’s great to be a child or reasons it is not.  I know I would really enjoy being a kid again.  What about you?  I also know  I really enjoy the Monday Listicles community and I encourage you to check it out and participate.  I mean really, how long does it take to create a list?

Pros and Cons of Being a Child...

Tween... Teen...

Confused Mini-Adult with Toddler Tendencies

Pro: You don’t have to go to work every day.

Con: You have to go to middle school every day.

Pro: You don’t have to do laundry.

Con: Your favorite jeans are never clean the day you want to wear them.

Pro: If your mom feels guilty about your favorite jeans not being clean, you’re most likely going to convince her to get you a glass of milk even though you can get it yourself.

Con: When there is no milk in the refrigerator, you have to wait for someone with cash and wheels to go out and get some.

Pro: You get summers off.

Con: If you act bored during the summer, you’ll be recruited to walk to the store to replenish the milk supply because, “It’s nice outside.”  When you get home, you’ll be recruited to wash the car, clean out closets, and walk the elderly neighbor’s dog.

Pro: You can still get away with playing with your Build-A-Bears.

Con: Your mom blogs about you playing with Build-A-Bears.

Pro: If it's raining, you can contact your mom via your cell and get a ride home after school.

Con: Your mom shows up to pick you up after school in her red plaid jammie pants.

Pro: Your biggest worry is that big math test on Thursday.

Con: Your biggest worries are Friday’s wardrobe decision...who’s going to show up to your party on Saturday...if Mom will get to your laundry on Sunday...Monday’s big zit on the end of your nose...

the big Tuesday surprise of your embarrassing photos from early childhood being posted on Facebook ("MOM, I am totally un-tagging myself!")...

...AND...

wondering on Wednesday if there will ever  

be 

a 

day 

when 

you 

have 

control 

over 

your 

life.

      

 

photo credit: Zoë Campbell via photopin cc

Save It for Later Saturday: Kony Conundrum

I welcome you back to Save It for Later Saturday!  I have not posted one of these weekly overviews since February 6^th.  Why, you ask?  The answer is because I have a severe case of procrastination-distraction. 

In the past month (or more), I have gotten so caught up in reading the articles in my Diigo “read later” list that I ran out of time to compose timely summaries before the new weeks began.  I often thought that a late Sunday night SaveIt for Later Saturday would be perceived as a conundrum.  And maybe it is.  

co·nun·drum [kuh-nuhn-druhm]

anything that puzzles

Yes, it is Sunday. In fact it is Monday in many parts of the world.  However, it behooves me to do a little reviewing of my “read later” list before I move into the new week.  It clears my brain, making room for more to be invited to the information party happening in my head. More so, I am attempting to gain blogging discipline.  And it starts right now.

Let's talk about a another conundrum, Kony 2012.

The Kony 2012 campaign has lost a little steam in the realm of attention.  But I think it deserves more examination.  Currently with over 82 million views, the InvisibleChildren video, a short film about brutal Lord’s Resistance Army leader, Joseph Kony, went viral after its March 5, 2012 upload to YouTube.  Since then there has been an outpouring of support for and criticism of the movement. 

I talked with my children about the campaign to gain a sense of how much attention it was getting in their schools.  I wanted to be sure they were approaching the topic with critical and practical thinking.  After discussing the possible positive and negative outcomes, Sophia, my 13 year old, said, “I do not see anything wrong with it if it brings awareness to the topic.  If it brings attention to the issues in Uganda, then it will bring attention to other situations like it all over the world.”

Good point.  Maybe Kony 2012 will raise awareness of the numerous cases of domestic sex trafficking in the United Sates or the epidemic of child sexual abuse that is happening in our own neighborhoods.

Even better points have been made by the people of Africa and they are insightful, interesting and worthy of reading.  And why wouldn’t they be?  These are the voices of people who actually live there and work in opposition to the LRA on a daily basis.  If we want to be well-informed, we shouldn’t stop at viewing the Invisible Children film.  They only got it partially right.  And it feeds our “savior complex”.  

If you read only one more article about Kony 2012, read this one by Solome Lemma.

And now we have a problem with one of the Invisible Children filmmakers, Jason Russell.  Apparently he has been hospitalized for “exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition, after having a very disturbing public meltdown that involved nudity and vandalism.  I see mental-health issues all over this one, although sources close to Russell deny it to be a factor. 

Whether the issue is mental-illness, physical illness, or addiction illness does not matter.  What matters is that Russell’s public breakdown brings to light that Americans 1) harbor resentment for people of success and devour them like prey when problems arise, and 2) prefer to make a joke of problems at home while feeling important for buying a $1 wrist band to “help” an international cause.  

Instead of using Russell’s sad display for entertainment, why don’t we explore what happens to those we harshly criticize via social media?  It seems to me to be one big bullying incident.  And we all know that bullying is a big problem in America.

If my name was Cinderella, my carriage would now be a pumpkin.  It's 12:03 a.m. which means it's Monday. Check back next week to see if I get Save It for Later Saturday posted on, um, Saturday.

See you next week!

photo credit: elycefeliz via photopin cc

Why Blog?

The Great Blogging Anniversary is happening right now.  In fact, it’s been happening all week.  Five bloggers have joined forces to make the celebration grand and it includes a link up.  I am terribly grateful to finally overcome distractions and join the event.  I encourage you to do the same. 

Don’t let the fact that the clock is ticking near to the end of the festivities keep you from answering one of their seven prompts.  I guarantee you’ll find them to be of value, helping you gain insight to what you are doing in the blogosphere (you can find my insight below).  After you post, you can expand your views by reading other participant’s submissions.  And the bonus is, you’ll get read, too.  Double bonus:  I think I read something about prizes!

What I thought I'd Be Writing About When I Started Sperk*

When I started Sperk* I was familiar with expressing myself through writing.  I maintained a journal since I was an adolescent.  It kept me from writing on the walls and furniture with my mom’s lipstick.  

Two years ago I returned to school to finish my degree and my personal writing fell by the wayside.  Although I missed my time for my journal, I became more skilled as a writer, adjusting my style to suit the needs of academics.  My writing became less stream of conscious and more purposeful.

Last October, I saw the end of daily academic writing drawing near with my final course to be completed in November.  I knew I would miss it.  As autumn was in the fore, I became concerned about falling into my typical mode of seasonal depression.  So, I started Sperk*.

I thought Sperk* may be a creative space—a place to explore the imaginary in order to connect with the fuzzy stuff in my brain.  On the other hand, I thought I may use it as a space for commentary on current issues in education.  And of course I thought, “Maybe parenting?”

After a few weeks, I realized I was mostly writing about trends in educational technology and parenting.  So I decided I had a niche: A parent’s view of adolescent development and education.  But it didn’t last long.

When reading the blogs of others, creating my blogging community, I was profoundly moved by some of the stories I read--stories that were not easily left on their pages.  They were with me the day I discovered a writing prompt dealing with the telling of family stories.  The provocation began to preoccupy me.  There was a nagging bug in my brain.  I felt that if I did not exorcise my thoughts, I may not be able to continue Sperk*.  And I was shocked that this blogging business had become so important to me so swiftly.

I responded to the prompt but sat many minutes staring at my computer screen before clicking “publish”.  I had M read it.  He said, “Are you sure you want to post it?  Is it safe?”

I said, “I am not sure. But I have to.”

Moving into the world of risky self-disclosure helped me to understand why I blog.  It is like medicine to me.  And the pills are distributed not only through my act of catharsis, but also through the comments left by members of my blogging community.  I find words of encouragement, empathy, and brave admissions of sharing similar experiences.  I make meaningful connections.

“Exposure to children is exposure to one’s own unresolved past” 

~Michael Thompson

Sperk* is now a fearless examination of life with two adolescent daughters.  As I parent my girls, it is important for me to address my own issues so that I am authentic and effective.  It’s not always easy.  I still battle with fear and self-doubt every time I click “publish”.  But it’s worth it.  It brings empowerment.  

I am finding my voice by sharing my personal stories, accounts of parenting experiences, and Wednesday’s Woman--my series that spotlights female role models.  It is possible one may stumble upon Sperk* and assume it to be a feminist space.   And maybe it is.  After all, blogging is number 26 on the Feminist Activities Guide: 100 Activities You can Do Now.  But, I avoid using the label because the stereotypical image clouds the message.

My content is not affected by my concern of how a reader may label or categorize my blog.  I understand that my need for voice and connections within an authentic community trump popularity.  But I won’t balk at popularity if it comes.  Why wouldn’t I want to be Seth Godin?  Especially if I adhere to his philosophy:

“I'm not writing to maximize my SEO or conversion or even my readership.  I'm writing to do justice to the things I notice, to the ideas in my head and to the people who choose to read my work."

~Seth Godin 

Happy Blogging Anniversary!

Literal Mom

Do Sweat the Small Stuff

It Builds Character

The Woven Moments

The Adventures of Daddy Runs a Lot

photo credit: Mexicanwave via photopin cc
photo credit: Foxtongue via photopin cc

Wednesday's Woman: A Call to Action

This week’s Wednesday's Woman was written and submitted by Anna Mahler, of The Mommy Padawan.  I am certain you get the “Mommy” part.  But are you familiar with the term “Padawan”? 

A "padawan" is a term for “student” taken from the film Star Wars.  I think the title of Anna’s blog is fitting.  She is a careful observer of life and looks to her experiences for opportunities to grow as a woman, wife, and mother.  She sees her three year old son as her greatest teacher.  

  

Students learn most through their experiences teaching others.  Anna is no exception.  She shares the wisdom she has gained as a wife and mother in her ebook You are Loved - Caring for Our Children, Families, and Ourselves with Loving Kindness.   

Her philosophy of self-care allows her to create a harmonious home.  Self-care also allows her to recognize the importance of sharing her uplifting attitudes with the readers of her blog.  I encourage you to spend time at The Mommy Padawan where you will find a voice of authenticity, grace, warmth and courage.

Today, Anna tells the story of Lisa Shannon, founder of A Thousand Sister’s.  Anna states, “Lisa Shannon is an amazing example of what can happen when one person decides to take action.”  

I am grateful Anna decided to “take action” and be the first to guest post for Wednesday's Woman.

Wednesday's Woman, Lisa Shannon

by Anna Mahler

When first learning about horrible suffering going on in different places in the world, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and hopeless. It can seem as though, when something is happening so far away, so many are suffering and I am only one person, what good can I really do?

Lisa Shannon is an amazing example of what can happen when one person decides to take action.

At home in Portland in 2005, Lisa first learned about the epidemic of rape and suffering in Congo while watching an episode of Oprah.  That day, Lisa went online to Women For Women International and sponsored two sisters. Wanting to do more, she single handedly started the Run For Congo Women to raise funds for additional sponsorships.  But she also did this to send a message; that these women did matter. They were not forgotten or worthless (as the militia there would want them to believe). The first year, she ran alone but raised almost twenty eight thousand dollars. Today, there are runs and walks for Congolese women taking place all over the United States, bringing sponsorship, aid and hope to women survivors.

The DR of Congo has been termed the worst place on earth to be a woman.  Organized rape, torture and murder is an everyday reality. Many women have also lost children due to sickness or poor living conditions while hiding from the militia's attacks in the jungle. As a women, I am beyond saddened and outraged by this. As a mother, I am horrified and shaken to the core.

It's hard to read the stories Lisa Shannon brings back from her visits to the Congo and it's impossible for me to read her website without feeling the darkness of the lives of the surviving women and children. But we need to know their stories, because these women do matter.

In 2007, Lisa traveled to Eastern Congo and returned again in May 2008 and February 2010.  Her book, A Thousand Sisters, is the story of her journey as well as those of her Congo sisters, many she was able to meet in person. At times, feeling her efforts were like “tossing teaspoons on water on a raging fire”, Lisa has never given up helping the Congolese women and their families,  raising awareness and even bringing the cause to the doorstep of the American Government. 

Lisa Shannon: A Thousand Sisters:My Journey into the Worst Place on Earth to be a Woman from Expanded Books on Vimeo.

Named the 2006 Hero of Running by “Runner’s World” magazine, Lisa Shannon is currently an ambassador for Women for Women International and was recently named one of the twenty most powerful women in the world by O Magazine.

This was accomplished by one woman who became aware of a horrible situation and decided to act.

Living proof that one person can make a difference.

You can learn more about Lisa and her visit to the Congo by watching the video at A Thousand Sisters.

Do you want to run for Congo women?  Go to  Run for Congo Women.

Learn about sponsoring and changing a woman's life at Women for Women.

*How sponsoring through Women for Women International works: A portion of the monthly sponsorship amount is given directly to a woman for basic needs but the women are also provided classes on woman's rights, literacy, nutrition, family planning and vocational training. Finally, a portion of the money donated is put in to a savings account the women can use to invest in a business once they graduate from the training courses. An equally important part of the sponsorship also involves receiving and sending letters to your sponsored sister in the Congo and this has also helped to give hope and let a woman who is truly suffering know, she is not forgotten, she is not alone.

Wednesday's Woman is a weekly feature dedicated to spotlighting women who are role models for our daughters. . . and the world.  

Do you know a Wednesday's Woman?  Contact me for a guest post.

**Read past Wednesday's Woman features!**

Who Are Your 5 Favorite Females?

The International Women's Day celebration continues today at The Good Life's famous blogging meme, Monday Listicles.  The female-themed topic was open to interpretation, so I began by listing women who have impacted my life.  I struggled to categorize them into a single classification and then it occurred to me: all of these women are creative.  

Who Inspires You?  Complete my list!


Because I also receive creative inspiration from my readers and the women in my blogging community, I edited my list down to five, and am asking you to finish the list by submitting five women who inspire your creativity in the comments.  This is a great way to discover more female inspiration that we may have been missing.

10 Women Who Inspire
 Courage and Creativity

Martha Graham – dancer, choreographer, artistic director

"Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion."

Founder of the Martha Graham Dance Company, “Graham and her Company have expanded contemporary dance’s vocabulary of movement and forever altered the scope of the art form by rooting works in contemporary social, political, psychological, and sexual contexts, deepening their impact and resonance.”  As a former dancer, Graham is one of my heroes.  I had the opportunity to see her in the early 1990’s when company members escorted her onto stage during the curtain call of a performance for the opening celebration of the Wexner Center for the Arts.  Her creative work and her powerful words are a mainstay source for my own courage and inspiration.

Jen Thorpe - feminist, scholar, advocate, activist  

“I’m committed to making women’s lives better. Whether that is through research, or writing or shouting from the rooftops.”

You can find Jen Thorpe’s thought provoking commentary at her blog: Mail and Guardian, her website giving voice to women’s issues in South Africa: FeministSA, and the writing project allowing over 80 women to express how their “first time” has impacted their life: My First Time.  My favorite space of hers is My First Time. Visit it, read it, and consider contributing to it.

Erin McKeown

Erin McKeown – musician, writer, producer

"If I made music all the time, if I chose it over advocacy, I wouldn't feel complete."

I became aware of Erin McKeown a few years ago when she opened for Ani DiFranco in my hometown of Columbus. McKeown's exuberant performance stuck with me and I am a faithful follower due to not only her musical talent, but also her work in musician’s rights, advocating for legislative change to benefit the work of independent artists.  She was selected be a 2011-2012 fellow at Harvard University's Berkman Center for Internet & Society where she works to ". . . connect the worlds of policy, art, and technology while considering questions about how to make a creative life a viable vocation.”

Fiona Apple – singer-songwriter, pianist.

“I don't want to give any advice to a 19-year-old, because I want a 19-year-old to make mistakes and learn from them. Make mistakes, make mistakes, make mistakes. Just make sure they're your mistakes.”

Fiona Apple only goes into the studio to create an album when she feels inspired.  Her song lyrics have sustained me through many menacing moments and I admire her bravery as survivor of child sexual abuse.  I am  eagerly anticipating her next album, The Idler Wheel is wiser than the Driver of the Screw, and Whipping Cords will serve you more than Ropes will ever do (The Idler Wheel), due to be released in June.

Eve Ensler - playwright, performer and activist

“It seems to me that we spend an inordinate amount of time and attention on fixing ourselves when we could really be directing that out to serving others.”

Best known as the author of the The Vagina Monologues, Eve Ensler is the power behind V-Day, a movement advocating the end of violence towards women and girls.  I have not seen the Vagina Monologues and although I keep up with news surrounding V-Day, I am not an active participant. Ensler made this list because of how deeply moved I was by her 2010 TED Talk:  

Remember: Help me complete the list of Women who Inspire Courage and Creativity.  In the comments, add five who inspire you!
Thanks!

For more inspiring writing, check out the blogs at Monday Listicles

photo credit: bitzi ☂ ion-bogdan dumitrescu via photopin cc

Wednesday's Woman: The Power of Forgiveness

Holding onto resentment towards those that hurt me is easy.  Forgiveness is hard.  But when I think about the great physical energy it takes to hold onto bitterness, I often wonder why I choose to carry around burdens that make my thoughts heavy and my ability to empathize weak.  I even put energy into giving weight to things that are forgivable and unforgivable.  I can forgive you if you talk badly about me behind my back, but if you abandon me, I cannot.  Heavier on the scale, I can forgive my parents for some of the mistakes they made like failing to talk to me honestly about sex, but not others, like subjecting me to abuse.  You may be saying, “Whoa. Child abuse is unforgivable.”  But is it?  What about forgiving the person who murders your child? Impossible?

Studies show that when we forgive we become more compassionate, optimistic, and self-confident.  Forgiveness lowers the heart rate, blood pressure, and stress.  Harvard Women's Health states: “When you forgive someone, you make yourself—rather than the person who hurt you—responsible for your happiness.” (2005)

The health benefits of forgiveness are apparent.  The psychological and emotional benefits of forgiveness are clear.  But in some cases, I find it to be an incredible act of grace when one is able to forgive.  And when I come across astounding stories of forgiveness I am in awe.

This was the case when I read about Phyllis Ferguson, the mother of Chardon High School shooting victim Demetrius Hewlin. Very little time has gone by since the shooting incident transpired in the Cleveland suburb.  Less time has passed since the passing of Demetruis Hewlin.  Some people, including myself, take years to let go of resentment for much lesser crimes than the murder of a child.  Phyllis Ferguson’s ability to forgive the murderer of her son is a shining light in the horrific Chardon High School tragedy and an example for us all.   

Phyllis Ferguson (photo credit)

Ferguson’s son was also able to be an organ donor and save the lives of others.  Along with another shooting victim and organ donor, Russell King, the young men saved 16 lives..   Do you think Phyllis Ferguson would have been OK with her son being an organ and tissue donor if she was in a state of anger and bitterness?  It is absolutely possible that her ability and willingness to forgive saved lives.

“I taught Demetrius not to live in the past, to live in today and forgiveness is divine. . . You have to forgive everything. God’s grace is new each and every day. Until you’ve walked in another person’s shoes, you don’t know what made him come to this point.”

For her powerful message of forgiveness, 

Phyllis Ferguson 

is Wednesday’s Woman.

{Wednesday's Woman is a weekly feature dedicated to raising awareness of the wonderful women who are role models for our daughters and the world.  The Floor Is Yours!  If you know of someone to be featured and would like to write about her, let me know.  I welcome guest posts for sharing the story of someone you think is Wednesday's Woman.}

photo credit: lars_in_japan via photopin cc

Dan Patrick Crushed My Morale

I am a sports fan.  I share my enthusiasm for sports with my significant other, M. What we do not share is a liking for day-long sports news updates provided by ESPN streaming via the TV in the living room.  It’s turned down to a low volume thanks to my numerous pleas.  But it is always on.  Other sports networks show up as well.  M is not an ESPN loyalist.  But I am not aware of what the other sports news outlets are, nor do I care, unless the news is about the Pittsburgh Steelers or the broadcaster is Dan Patrick.

Over the years, in an attempt to connect with M, or use him as a pillow while taking a short nap after getting the girls off to school, I would join him in watching Mike and Mike in the Morning airing on ESPN.  The show became annoying to me because the hosts, Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic, were repetitive, lacked in-depth analysis, and in my opinion, seemed afraid to share their true opinions on topics they covered.  So one morning, after Mike and Mike, M turned the channel over to The Dan Patrick Show assuring me I would enjoy the host, Dan Patrick, much better.  The fact that he was a native of Ohio and defector of ESPN also intrigued me.

As time went by, Mike and Mike became completely replaced by the Dan Patrick Show.  On mornings when I chose not to be lazy and nap in front of the TV with M, I found myself choosing to do sedentary work on my laptop (in lieu of housework which requires movement) so that I could strategically place myself in view of the TV so as to not miss the Dan Patrick Show.  But the day I can say I officially became a fan of Dan Patrick was when his show aired the morning following the weekend that the  Penn State child sexual abuse scandal broke in the media.

I was glued to the show for the entire week.  No napping.  No work.  Just watching. Dan Patrick’s coverage of the child sexual abuse scandal at Penn State was phenomenal.  No other show or network, covering sports or headline news, gave it comparable reporting.  Dan Patrick’s handling of the topic was intelligent, factual, sensitive to the victims, heavy handed on the alleged perpetrator and conspirators of cover-up, and gave voice to victims of child sexual abuse.  In essence, he put down his sports reporting notepad and pencil and picked up a poster printed with bold lettering, “CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE IS WRONG.”

As a survivor of child sexual abuse, to me, this was powerful stuff.  Typically when stories like this reach the media, controversy and debate ensue giving more voice to the alleged perpetrators in order to maintain the façade that powerful institutions are impermeable to such horrific accusations.  Movement is usually swift in protecting the establishment’s reputation.  Cover up is priority.  Excuses are mandatory.  But this was not the case with the story in the hands Dan Patrick.   

He took time to tell his viewers of the impact that child sexual abuse has on victims—the damage it does to victims' lives for years into adulthood.  He would not be moved by callers with varying opinions of Joe Paterno's status as coach of the Penn State football team.  Paterno knew of the crimes committed and failed to report them to authorities other than higher ups at the university.  Dan Patrick bravely stated, “Joe Paterno has lost the right to be the head coach of Penn State.”  He even took calls from victims of child sexual abuse, allowing them to share bits of their stories.  Callers always ended with an outpouring of gratitude, thanking him for using his show to shed light on a topic that gets swept under the rug far too often.

Dan Patrick is good at what he does. I'd say, he is one of the best.  He gives insightful commentary on sports news and couples it with clever entertainment in his banter with his show's supporting cast.  He's a stand-out co-host on NBC’s Football Night in America and was bestowed the honor of presenting the Super Bowl XLVI trophy to team winning quarterback, Eli Manning.  He has also made several appearances as an actor on the silver screen and I think he’s talented enough to take over for the menacing David Letterman.  So yes, I am a fan of Dan Patrick. . .

. . .or was, until last week.

I had been aware of The Dan Patrick Show's Wall of Morale but had never given it much attention.  If you aren’t familiar, the Wall of Morale is an area in the show’s studio devoted to posters of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition covers.  I must have missed viewer competitions from years past wherein votes are cast to determine which poster comes down off the wall to make room for the current cover.  But last week I caught this year’s ridiculous hoopla while peaking over the screen of my laptop.  And I was angry.

"With great power comes great responsibility."

~Stan Lee

I truly believe that when one has been given talent they are charged with using that talent and sharing it with the world in order to make change.  The change doesn’t always have to be magnificent in the number of people affected, nor does it have to have the impact to be a catalyst of world peace.  One's work, even if it changes only one person for the better, is significant. It’s not for the talented to determine if his impact is going to be great enough to make a difference. The talented only needs to determine how much fear he will allow to get in the way of his expression.

When Dan Patrick covered the Penn State scandal with such skill and insight he raised the bar for sports journalists and broadcasters.  He courageously answered his call and responsibility as a man with talent.  He embraced his position of having a powerful voice in the media and used it as an opportunity to raise awareness.  His was a shining moment in broadcasting and one in which the world of news media should use as a lesson in ethical and honorable reporting.

Contrarily, for him to devote so much of his show's time to making the decision of which model to keep on the Wall of Morale, making the objectification of women a colossal event, was not only wrong, but a horrific departure.  I was deeply, incredibly disappointed.  In my eyes, another great voice failed to go "against the grain" and sold-out in the name of a pay check.

Dan Patrick must not have been aware of findings from the APA Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls and cited by Miss Representation that indicate:

• the hyper-sexualization of women is linked to depression and eating disorders. 

• the pornification of women in main stream media is numbing boys and men to the true value of women. 

• the association of female objectification with sports implies that for women, being healthy is about fitting into a tiny bikini.

• in the 57 years of the Sports Illustrated’s life a woman appears on a non-swimsuit issue a total of 66 times (on average, just once a year).

Dan Patrick had an opportunity to speak on the crisis of the objectification of women in America to an audience wherein the message is desperately needed and to an audience who has his full attention—sports fans.  He proved he can make a difference in how people view critical cultural topics during his coverage of the Penn State scandal.  In his silly enthusiasm over the Wall of Morale, he succumbed to fear—fear of losing members of his fan base, fear of losing support of SI.com who hosts his show’s website, and fear of looking less macho to a world full of hot women who he refers to as “shorties” and  then jokes about making room for them in his bed.

 

"Every society has a way of torturing its women, whether by binding their feet or by sticking them into whalebone corsets. What contemporary American culture has come up with is designer jeans."

~Joel Yager, M.D.

One last point.  Dan Patrick has a daughter.  All I can surmise is that he does not find raising a daughter in a world that objectifies women to be challenging.  I really wish I could ask him how he does it.  Does he tell her it’s OK to be valued for sex?  I bet he does not.  And I bet, one day, she’ll identify his hypocrisy and be as disappointed in him as I am.

BlogHer  '12 Voices of the Year Honoree  in OpEd

This post was featured on BlogHer

photo credit: The Cut via photopin cc

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March Towards Summer

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 In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.  

~Albert Camus

For those of you who have not yet looked at your calendar, it's March 1st. Yes! We survived those two dreaded months wherein we struggle to stay happy amid lack luster sunlight and plaguing guilt brought on from over spending and over eating during the holidays.  I often struggle with motivation and positive thoughts during the winter, it's not new to me.  In my early 20's I lived in Chicago, a beautiful city but harsh environment to wait-out the winter.  I remember crying sobbing with tears of joy and relief each March when I heard the booming crash of thunder brought by the first Spring storm.

I see no rain in the forecast for today to use as cause for celebration, so am lauding the march towards Summer by linking up with Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writers Workshop:





Prompt:  Remember Summer? The warm air, blue skies, and endless days in the water? Me either. Share a photo from last Summer that brings you back.

Response:  We didn't do much last Summer as far as exotic vacations or educational trips to historic Civil War sites.  But the sun provided us with opportunities to enjoy. . .

 . . .long walks in the Columbus Metro Parks. . .

 . . .two teams making it 

to the GYAA Girls Softball Tournament. . .

. . .U2 in concert in Pittsburgh. . .

. . .and a strange variety of activities and characters that make
 the Ohio State Fair.

Let the March begin!

Wednesday's Woman: Everybody Knows Somebody

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In the United States, as many as 10 million females and 1 million males are fighting a life and death battle with an eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia. Millions more are struggling with binge eating disorder  (Crowther et al., 1992; Fairburn et al., 1993; Gordon, 1990; Hoek, 1995; Shisslak et al., 1995).

It is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.  The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) designates this week to bringing to light the complexities and realities of eating disorders.  The mission:

. . .prevent eating disorders and body image issues while reducing the stigma surrounding eating disorders and improving access to treatment. Eating disorders are serious, life-threatening illnesses - not choices - and it's important to recognize the pressures, attitudes and behaviors that shape the disorder.

This year’s theme is "Everybody Knows Somebody” which is a fitting premise.  We all know somebody who we can tell that it is NEDAwareness Week.  And, we all, most likely, know someone who is suffering with an eating disorder.

I encourage you to take time to go through the NEDA website.  It provides an extensive and comprehensive compilation of researched information and support tools written in accessible language.  Some of the facts about eating disorders may surprise you.  And I cannot express emphatically enough how valuable the support tools are.

The President and CEO of NEDA, Lynn S. Grefe, has an incredibly impressive background of advocacy work not only with NEDA, but also with organizations in government and private sectors associated with women’s health, mental health and policy issues.  When I think advocate, I think Lynn Grefe. The amount of work she has done, and continues to do in dedication to others is remarkable.  Please read more about her at PBS, This Emotional Life.  You'll find she is not only an advocate, but also was a Girl Scout leader, a soccer coach and a town coordinator.

For her tireless work advocating for people and families affected by eating disorders,

Wednesday's Woman is

Lynn S. Grefe 

• Many who suffer with eating disorders are also victims of child sexual abuse. Please read about past Wednesday's Woman, Jill Starishevsky, a fearless advocate for child victims of sexual abuse and author of My Body Belongs to Me.

• The Floor Is Yours! Wednesday's Woman is a weekly feature dedicated to raising awareness of the wonderful women who are role models for our daughters and the world.  If you know of someone to be featured and would like to write about her, let me know.  I would love to have you guest post for Wednesday's Woman.